Intangible
by Prosopopeia
Summary: [Yaoi] Kurama enlists on help from Yusuke to get Hiei to notice him, but what happens when his plan backfires on himself and Yusuke? Epilogue. [Complete]
1. From The Start

Hi…my first YYH fic. And there will be…yaoi. Can you guess the couple? No, it's not the typical Hiei/Kurama coupling, but instead—Yusuke/Kurama. Hehe, I always liked these two together. One-shot.

_Disclaimer: Me don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, k?_

* * *

**.One.**

As I talked animatedly with Kurama, I could feel Hiei's gaze on me. I flinched slightly when I dared to look at him—the utter anger and animosity was more than enough to make anyone run away in fear. Mind you, Hiei is already scary enough. Then as I turned back to look at Kurama, I saw him staring at Hiei with a certain glazed look in his eyes. Of course that was natural. Kurama adored Hiei and vice versa. Surprisingly, though, I felt a strange sort of pang in my heart and Kurama squeezed my hand, an enthusiastic look on his face. I forced myself to smile before I gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"Go to him," I urged him. And he most certainly did not to be told twice as he stood up and walked across the room over to the short youkai. Immediately it seemed as if a spell was cast between the two—they stared into each other's eye and Kurama sat down next to him, placing his hand slowly over Hiei's. At that point, I turned around, trying to ignore the roaring sensation in my chest. Those two would be happy now. I stared at my hands and narrowed my eyes painfully. Yet somehow that thought didn't appeal to me. Standing up quickly, I headed out the door to get a taste of fresh air. Never trust Kuwabara to host a party ever again.

As I walked down the dusty path leading to the garden, I thought back to everything that happened to where I was now. The sweet scent of roses filled in my senses as I entered the garden and took a seat at the wooden bench in the middle of all the green life. I gazed at one particular rose with some dew on its petals and smiled forlornly. Kind of weird how things can evolve from just one afternoon…

* * *

It was one of the rare times we didn't have any case to work on and we were out in a nice secluded area near the mountains. Kuwabara was being his usual retarded self in trying to impress Yukina, who laughed innocently at all his antics. Botan watched him with an exasperated expression while Keiko looked torn between amusement and confusion. I myself was just lingering along a tree branch, which to this day still confounded me. Hanging out on trees was Hiei's territory—but then I guess I was in an odd mood that day. Kurama and Hiei of course were in their own little spot, the redhead leaning against a boulder with his eyes closed as if sleeping and the fiery youkai sitting on the ground, an intense look in his eyes as usual.

How those two even communicated was still a mystery to me but it was amusing to watch. Everyone knew of Kurama's liking towards Hiei except for the little guy himself. But then again, Hiei was never much of an emotional perceiver. I couldn't help but grin as Kurama said something to Hiei, who replied with a shrug. I eyed the look of exasperation on Kurama's face that he rarely put out and grinned. It was like watching a silent romance film except there was color. Heh, yeah my mind was weird.

But then the something even weirder happened—Kurama went up to me. In fact he practically abandoned Hiei and leapt to the branch I was perched on, a calm look on his face. Obviously he had put on his mask again and I smiled amusedly.

"Hey there, Kurama. Anything you need?"

Silence.

"I have something to ask of you."

Naturally, I was intrigued. Seeing Kurama so damn serious was too much of a jolt for my mind. Usually the guy smiled at least a little. "What's the matter, Kurama?" I asked. He looked at me quickly before darting his gaze elsewhere.

"This isn't very easy for me to say, but it's about…"

He then glanced quickly behind him and I got his point. "Hiei," I finished for him before leaning back against the tree. "Yeah, so _when_ will you two hook up, eh? Or did you already and not tell me?" I remarked, eyeing him casually and grinning when I saw the glimpse of surprise cross his face.

"Well, I suppose it is a bit noticeable," he commented lightly. I rolled my eyes and wondered to myself where this was heading before Kurama suddenly leaned in closer to me.

"Can we go some place a bit more private?" he asked in a low tone, looking warily at Hiei's direction. I cocked my head to the side before shrugging. I was more or less still in puzzlement when I followed Kurama through the trees and into a small clearing quite distanced from the others.

"So what is it?" I inquired as we settled down on wooden log. Kurama just stared straight ahead as if in a daze and being the curious guy I was, I waved my hand in front of his eyes and said in my most annoying voice, "Kurama-san, tell me what's wrong!"

That pretty much woke him, though not in the way I wanted it to.

"Let me just think this through for a bit, Urameshi!"

Whoa. Big drawback. Kurama never called me by my surname and in such a harsh way, too. I was stunned into silence. So I waited patiently while my mind thought up of crazy reasons why Kurama would be so tense. He was usually such a conserved guy—save the times when we fought against an enemy. But I didn't think it had anything to with that. All I knew was that it definitely had something to do with Hiei. And that made me wonder even more.

"Well, you obviously know how I feel about Hiei. And I was wondering…if…"

Kurama was stuttering. Kurama wasn't looking at me straight in the eye. Kurama was scared! Somehow I managed to hold down my own amusement to answer his unspoken request. "What do you want me to do?" Inside, I was laughing beyond imagination. But then when Kurama looked at me dead in the eye, that laughter diminished and was replaced with seriousness. Now Kurama was not the type to really joke around with people. The way he looked at me was unlike any other way he usually looked at me. I was in shock.

"Urameshi Yusuke, would you go out with me?"

Wait, what! I was so completely stunned that I nearly fell off my seat. Hold on a second here. Didn't Kurama just say before he liked Hiei? Did he just ask _me_ out? Was he hallucinating? Did he think I was Hiei! I was about to ask him to repeat what he said when he did it for me.

"Yes, I mean you, Yusuke," he said in that ever-so patient tone of his. It made me want to jump up and say, "No, you idiot! You want Hiei not me!" Somehow I managed to stay glued to my spot, though. For the first time in my life, someone managed to completely freeze my line of reasoning. I stared at Kurama and he stared back, probably waiting for an answer that I couldn't quite come up with.

"You—You want to go out…with me?" I finally managed to say. Kurama nodded at me quickly.

"Please, Yusuke. I know this may sound crazy, especially coming from me, but it's because I want to know Hiei's feelings for me. Most likely you're going to say he likes me but I want to know to what extent. What would he do if I started going out with someone else?" explained Kurama.

I looked at him in utter shock. "I…you…so I'm like a goddamn guinea pig for your experiment or something!" I cried out in a mix of anger and annoyance. I was in turmoil. My mind was a complete jumble. "This isn't like you, Kurama. If you like the guy so much, just ask him to go out with you! Trust me, Hiei likes you back just as much!" I exclaimed before looking at Kurama's sad expression.

"Why me? Couldn't you ask someone else?" I found myself asking desperately.

He just stared at me regretfully before answering. "I needed someone that Hiei was also close to, so the effect would be even greater," answered Kurama.

I glared at him. "You just sounded like some kind of sick bastard right there, Kurama. I never knew you would be this desperate. Are you really that afraid to be rejected? Because it's something everyone goes through in life, you know—you can't dodge it!" I said to him.

Yeah, I knew I was being cruel but that was seriously how I felt at the situation. Imagine one of your friends asking to go out with you so they could make the other…what, jealous? It was insane. I mean I never went out with that many people in general but I wasn't so low that I would agree to something like that. But in the end it was the broken and disappointed look that Kurama gave me that made me cave in. Kurama never showed his feelings like this. The fact that he was even daring to ask me to do this meant that he really did care about this a lot. So after a few minutes, I was nodding slowly in agreement and Kurama was grinning his widest at me.

"Yusuke, thank you."

Yeah, I was a fool. And that doesn't even begin to describe the following events.

* * *

TBC

Apologies on behalf of Kurama's OOC—he gets better as the story continues, trust me. Also, the story is told in Yusuke's POV in a sort of narrative way as you can tell. Eventually, the story will shift back to the original scene and be told in present time instead of in recollection. And if you did not understand that, don't worry. It'll become clear in due time…


	2. Our Very First Date

* * *

**.Two.**

The following day I guess you could say I woke up believing the previous events were nothing more but a dream. I even managed to convince myself of this until I received a phone call from Kurama asking about going out on a date. Mind you, I had to grip onto the phone pretty tightly to not drop it in my shock.

"A date? But…I mean, already?" I asked as I heard Kurama sigh from the other line.

"Just something simple. Maybe dinner or a movie," he replied.

I absentmindedly twirled the phone cord as I thought about it. "Not a movie—too typical—let's go pooling!" I exclaimed excitedly. I didn't know why I wanted to go play pool. It wasn't quite the "romantic date" as Botan would put it but that was the only thing I felt up to doing. I heard Kurama grunt on the other line and couldn't help but smile to myself. He probably thought it was a crazy idea. But knowing him, he'd probably agree.

"Fine."

Kurama's too predictable.

Grinning, I thought of something else to say. If Kurama really wanted me to be his pretend boyfriend, he would have to deal with the consequences. "So when are we doing this?" I asked sweetly. Kurama made a sound that sounded halfway between a grunt and a choke before answering.

"Tomorrow at eight—I'll pick you up," he said evenly.

I always did envy Kurama for his ability to stay calm. "Okay then!" I exclaimed brightly before wondering to myself. "But seriously now, how do you plan to break this to the others?" I asked, trying to guess Kurama's answer. But it wasn't exactly what I thought.

"Just by luck. Maybe they'll see us during our date. I know of a pool hall in Shinjuku near where Kuwabara and his sister work at," he answered with a tone that was not usual for him—dark and mischievous. I couldn't help but laugh at his oh-so marvelous plan.

"Right, I see. You're the strategist after all," I replied with the slightest tint of sarcasm. Of course I expected a bit more from Kurama, but just when you think you know a guy…he surprises you.

We talked for a little more, mostly cracking jokes and imagining the other's reactions, but eventually we hung up. I had the entire day to myself because, thank God, there was no school. I tell you, being in college was no joyride. So what did I decide to do that day? Well, I'll tell you what—I went to the park. Yes, the park. I didn't know why I was so drawn to it, but being the guy I was, I just went no questions asked. Sure, mom did think it a little weird and probably suspected something but there wasn't anything to suspect so no trouble, right? But things are never as easy as that.

When I got to the park, could you guess who was there already? Yeah, it was Hiei. And I just sort of froze in my tracks when he looked at me. All I could think was, did he suspect Kurama and me? But unless he was eavesdropping on our conversation, there was no other way he could have found out—unless of course he used his damn telepathic abilities, but he usually only did that when he was suspicious of something.

So I greeted him as I would any other day.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite three-eyed demon."

"Yusuke," replied Hiei nonchalantly. The guy was always like that I swear. At least this time he wasn't hanging out on some tree…

"So what's new?" I asked in a sad attempt to talk to him. Hiei was not a sociable person and sometimes he could be pretty downright cold. I understood that Kurama liked Hiei but not quite exactly _why_ he liked him. I mean Hiei was definitely nice in his own way under all that shell, but damn was there a lot of shell! Opposites attract I suppose…

"Why are you here?"

Ah, there you have it. Hiei being his usual blunt self. I think it's his way of expressing his curiosity. So I indulged him. "Hey, I felt the park calling for me…so naturally I came!" I explained, taking in Hiei's misbelieving expression and grinning widely. "It's the truth!"

Hiei rolled his eyes. "Right," he replied shortly. I glared at him. Demons are _so_ untrusting.

"I saw you and Kurama talking the other day at the retreat."

Surprise. Wow, so Hiei did notice little things. I couldn't help but smile at the odd look in his eyes. I could tell he was embarrassed to say such a thing. It was very "un-Hiei" and I wondered to myself about his comment. Was he jealous? Oh-la-la, Kurama would have loved to hear this. "Yeah, we talked you know. He was saying how sometimes when you didn't respond to his comments, he wondered if you were ignoring him so he decided to talk to me," I said as clearly and as truthfully as I could muster. Lying was never a good trade for me but hell, at that moment I felt like I could've told Keiko that I was going to shave my head bald and pierce my lip without breaking a sweat. Okay, bad example, but you know what I mean. But Hiei took my little trap hook, line, and sinker.

"Interesting," he murmured quietly, though I could tell by the expression in his face that he was pondering what I said carefully. I nodded cheerfully at that.

"He gets worried on whether or not you fell asleep—oops!" I said, inwardly laughing at my fake slipup.

Hiei eyed me carefully as I looked at him guiltily. "He thinks I'm asleep?" he repeated so slowly that I thought he was going to kill me.

I nodded my head and Hiei looked slightly perturbed. Naturally I was thinking how Kurama would so have to pay me back for this. I thought Kurama would like a more talkative Hiei and it was true that Kurama did once confide in me that he wished for Hiei to be more responsive. I promised that I would never tell Hiei, but hey, this time using that little tidbit of information would result in a good thing. I glanced at Hiei and he was thinking once again. Not much surprise there.

"Hiei, as much as I love our conversations together, I got to head out," I lied again. In all honesty I wanted to stay but not with Hiei. He was a bit intimidating when you just wanted to have some leisure time and he was watching you like a hawk from afar. The youkai just grunted and disappeared without a trace as I turned to walk away. Now my destination was…anywhere? My mind's a little nutty you know so I just walked aimlessly around the neighborhood and then even entered a supermarket out of sheer boredom.

That was until I spotted good old Kurama himself.

He looked at me in surprise but smiled nonetheless when I walked up to him. "Yusuke. I thought we were going to see each other at the pool hall tonight," he remarked amusedly. Inwardly I agreed with him. I mean what are the chances we meet up in the supermarket? Well, maybe Kurama shopped for groceries. Goodness knows I never walk into the supermarket unless it's for a bag of chips or drinks. But his words made me think of something better to say to him.

"Hey, it's not my fault I want to be with you all the time, okay?" I snapped humorously. Kurama looked at me for a moment before suddenly bursting into laughter. I was a bit taken back by his reaction. I never knew Kurama could laugh so hard. Damn, was I really that funny?

"I'm sorry Yusuke. Yes, I've been a bad boyfriend. I don't blame you at all for wanting to spend more time with me," he finally replied, smirking. I grinned at him. Hey, I was game. Grabbing his arm, I waved a finger condescendingly at him.

"Tsk, tsk, don't get too arrogant now. I do have other things on my mind besides you," I remarked mockingly. Surprisingly enough, Kurama slipped an arm around my shoulder as we headed down the snacks aisle. I tell you I was genuinely stunned by this move, but then again Kurama and I were supposed to be going out, right? I didn't expect him to be so easy about it, nor the feeling of contentment I had with his arm rested on my shoulders. It kind of unnerved me but I was always one to just push away weird feelings.

So I guess you could say I spent the entire day with Kurama after he dropped off his groceries. We went all over the place—the park (Hiei-free by the time we came), Rainbow Bridge (doing mindless staring), and even dropped by at Kuwabara's place where I had to kick his ass in his new video game. Soon it was approaching pool time and I couldn't help but grin up at Kurama as we entered the pool hall.

"Prepare to lose, plant boy."

"Very amusing, gel boy."

Nice comeback, I had to admit. But as I collected our tray and headed towards the pool table by the corner, I felt the old familiar twinge of competition in my blood. And when I looked at Kurama I knew he was feeling the same way as well. Either way, it would be a most interesting game.

* * *

TBC


	3. Laughing Maniac

* * *

**.Three.**

"Eight ball, quarter pocket."

"Oh come on! Give me a challenge!"

Kurama glowered at me and I laughed. Fine, I would accept his damn challenge—which really wasn't a challenge at all. That guy seriously underestimated by skills. So I took up my position and lined up the balls carefully. Strange thing about the game was that I was actually winning. I mean I hadn't played pool in a really, really long time and I was surprising myself here. Maybe that sounded too arrogant but that was genuinely how I felt. So when I struck the ball and got it in, I wasn't _too_ surprised. Heh, now that sounded arrogant didn't it?

But Kurama sure was surprised.

"Dammit."

I watched him as he shook his head and leaned against the table in exasperation and grinned. "Kurama! You violent child!" I exclaimed. Naturally I received a glare. But I took it. "Want to start another?" I offered. Of course by this time I was beating Kurama ten to three. Kurama was smart, though. He declined my offer and instead decided for us to get some dinner. I agreed with him. I was damn hungry.

"Know any good places?" I asked him as we headed out of the dark pool hall and into the even darker night (we chose a rather obscene neighborhood to play pool in).

"There's a pretty good Malaysian restaurant a few blocks from here," he suggested lightly. At this time I was scrutinizing him like some kind of an experiment. Something about his posture and the way he spoke threw me off. Kurama was a pretty calm person in general but all of the sudden it bothered me at that precise moment.

So what did I do about it?

I grabbed his arm and hightailed down the streets. Faintly, I remembered Kurama yelling at me to stop but I only just sped up my pace until we reached the main street, where I stopped abruptly. Kurama nearly toppled over behind me but I was holding onto his arm and kept him balanced as he stopped.

"Yusuke!"

Ah, sweet satisfaction. Seeing Kurama all jumpy and out of breath thrilled me. It was just so opposite of how he usually was, you know? I couldn't help it. I needed to get some king of _reaction_ from him or else I would blow. That was why Kuwabara was so fun to mess with. That guy showed his feelings like a spring waterfall.

Okay, enough examples.

We headed into the restaurant and got seated in a quiet corner. Kurama reverted back to his normal self by then and I was scanning the menu for anything that looked scrumptious. Eventually I just ordered a simple meal of coconut rice and curry chicken while Kurama ordered…something I really can't say or describe. Mind you, the place _was_ Malaysian. I never tried Malaysian food, but Kurama seemed to trust it so that was more than enough for me. Yeah, what can I say? Kurama had a big influence over what I ate…not. I got the feeling that I would probably eat pickled squid even if Kurama said it tasted horrible. I liked some weird things, okay? You are talking to the one that ate plain corn cereal with orange juice instead of milk here. So yes, I was a strange eater. And why am I rambling on about food?

Okay, back on subject! After Kurama and I ordered our meals, we just sat in silence for a while. It was a peaceful silence, though. I don't know why, but I resorted to staring at Kurama's hair as a pastime until our food arrived. I never really paid much attention to his hair before, but the guy has _nice_ hair. It was red, shiny, and silky-looking. I really wouldn't know about the last part, though, considering I never touched Kurama's hair but it looked silky enough. He was a kitsune, right? I guess it was only natural but then somehow as I stared at his hair, I began comparing it my own hair. Yeah, first food now hair, just bear with me, okay? But my hair was dark and quite opposite from Kurama's. For one thing, my hair was always slicked back with gel so not even I really know how my hair felt like. Pretty bad, right? Then before I knew it, I was absentmindedly beginning to finger my hair. It was stiff and hard because of the gel and I just wanted to go to the bathroom to dunk it into the sink. While I was doing this, I knew it was weird at the same time. Why was I thinking of hair? I really have no idea but at that moment, Kurama decided to ask about it.

"Why are you playing with your hair, Yusuke?"

"Err…ah…um…"

Brilliant answer wouldn't you say?

"Yusuke?"

Great, Kurama was beginning to stare at me strangely. I hated it when people did that. Of course I still couldn't think of something to say to explain myself. Then our waitress appeared with our food on a tray and I breathed a sigh of relief. Saved by the waitress, right? I would definitely have to tip her well. After our food was placed on the table, Kurama seemed to have forgotten his question and I was still scolding myself on being so absentminded.

"You still haven't answered, Yusuke."

Dammit…

"I got a strange urge to look at my hair?"

Lord save me…

Kurama laughed and I looked up in surprise. He was staring at me with those green eyes of his and I found myself turning red. Good God, what was wrong with me? I turned to stare at my food for a minute before beginning to eat in an attempt to hide my embarrassment. I was such an idiot wasn't I?

"Be careful not to get any of it in your rice," came Kurama's calm voice.

That did it.

I started choking on my food and had to grab my soda to drown my food down. All this happened in a course of about a second, too. After I swallowed about half my drink, I was still coughing. Damn Kurama. Did he really have to torment me like that? It was strange because his comment didn't necessarily embarrass me like it normally would but it actually made me laugh. Of course laughing with a spoonful of coconut rice and chicken rolling about in your mouth was not a good thing. I found that out the hard way and soon found Kurama patting my back.

"Are you all right? I didn't know my comment would cause this kind of reaction otherwise I would have refrained from saying it," he said in his oh-so calm voice that was slightly tinted with worry.

But you know what? Him saying that just made me laugh even harder and the lone grains of rice that I did not swallow managed to choke me again and soon I was gulping down more soda with Kurama patting my back like some kind of baby in need of burping. When my choking was reduced to a few coughs, I finally began to realize what a scene I was causing and that just made me laugh even harder. Luckily this time I didn't have any food in my mouth so I actually laughed in a normal way save the little gasps of air I needed after a few seconds.

And I just kept on laughing.

Somehow I think my laughing was caused out of an unconscious effort made by my mind to fight off the embarrassment Kurama's question posed before. Yes, you're probably wondering how I came to this conclusion but it was the only thing that made sense to me. I don't ever laugh that much, okay? So at that moment I was laughing on the outside but crying in misery on the inside.

And Kurama was still trying to calm me down.

"Yusuke…Yusuke, can you please quiet down…?" he stuttered out as he glanced around us in mild embarrassment. I only continued laughing. Dammit, why couldn't I be as calm and reserved as him? If I were in his place, I'd probably punch the person to be quiet. Fortunately Kurama was more of a gentleman than me.

Eventually the waitress came over.

"Um, excuse me, sir? But do you mind calming down a bit? You're scaring some of the customers," she said in a tone that sounded guilty.

Poor girl. She probably didn't want to seem like she was yelling at us and she really wasn't at all. But what did I do? I just continued laughing and laughing. Somehow I just found everything really amusing and everything everyone said made me laugh. If only they would just shut up then I could calm down! But until then, I just stayed laughing.

It remained like that until Kurama finally asked for the waitress to pack up our food. He paid the bill (which I really couldn't do since I was still laughing) and led me out of the restaurant while apologizing profusely to the workers. When we got outside, he began leading me out of the main streets and back to the quieter parts of the neighborhood—probably to prevent further embarrassment. Vaguely, I remembered thinking that was a good idea. Eventually as we continued walking, I began calming down—mainly because there was no one around us and because Kurama was completely silent. Then when I finally did quiet down, the guilt and embarrassment sunk in full throttle. Why oh why did I have an episode like that? I was beginning to feel really guilty until I realized Kurama had led us back to his house.

"Kurama?" I asked quietly when we reached his door. Kurama just opened up the door and turned on the lights to the dark house. Then he took my arm and dragged me to the kitchen where he sat me down. I stared up at him in surprise.

"Are you somber yet?"

I blinked slowly. "Yes…," I started before Kurama took our containers of food and headed to the counter. I watched him in confusion. What was that guy doing? I could only imagine. Lord knew I just hoped he wasn't about to grab a knife and stab me in the chest while screaming out, "You are so bloody annoying, Urameshi! Do you not know how to restrict yourself from laughing like a goddamn drunken madman!" I shuddered at the thought.

But when Kurama turned around, I was more or less surprised—but in a pleasant way. He had placed our food onto plates and replaced the cheap chopsticks with his own. Kurama placed my plate in front of me and took up his seat across from me like the way we were in the restaurant. I stared at him in mild surprise before shaking my head slowly. God, this guy was so smart that it became funny.

"Well, despite the amusement I got out of our previous engagement, I think this will suit us better, no?" Kurama inquired lightly. I looked up at him and put on a serious face.

"Yes, sir. This is quite fine with me and I promise I will not laugh like a psychological maniac."

Kurama shook his head slightly at me, a faint smile on his face. I looked back at him with a wide grin before starting to eat my food, which was still warm thankfully. I definitely preferred the solitude of his house than that restaurant with all those people around us; it put a certain line over how many things I could say or do. Smirking, I looked at Kurama.

"You know this wasn't so bad of a first date."

"It depends on your definition of bad," replied Kurama casually as he started eating.

I smiled at him. Yep, if this scheme was going to actually work, then Kurama and I were probably going to make the craziest couple ever imagined. Somehow, though, I kind of liked the idea of me and Kurama…ack. All right, no more thinking like that, Urameshi!

"Perhaps next time you will be able to withhold yourself a little better."

I looked at Kurama in surprise before slowly grinning. That guy definitely had a way with his words. "Yeah, _hopefully_. So…when do we have our first kiss, eh?"

Silence.

"I was only kidding you, damn."

* * *

TBC


	4. Vampire's Talk

**

* * *

**

**.Four.**

Days passed by before anyone took notice of my "relationship" with Kurama. It all really started when I got a call from Kuwabara one day. Of course being the idiot that he was, he called me at nearly the crack of dawn and I was _not_ happy.

"Kuwabara?" I asked into the phone as I tried in vain to smooth down my hair. Glancing at the clock, I was quite upset at the fact that it was five in the morning. "Why in the world are you calling me at this ungodly hour!" I screamed out before Kuwabara could respond.

"What are you talking about, Urameshi? It's nine o' clock!"

I groaned mentally before telling myself to calm down. "Kuwabara, you numbskull, did you forget to replace the batteries in your watch?" I inquired as patiently as I could muster. There was a slight pause on the other end before I heard Kuwabara curse at himself.

"Oops."

"Yeah, _oops_," I repeated sarcastically. I sighed when I looked at my clock again. There was no way I was going to be able to fall back asleep so I decided to rid myself of my anger. Maybe I could do some early training or something.

"But anyway, I was calling because I had a question for you," Kuwabara suddenly said.

Arching an eyebrow, I sat up in bed and began stretching. "What is it?" I replied. Kuwabara having a question was definitely not a surprise to me. The guy _always_ had questions.

"What were you and Kurama doing a few days before? I saw you guys heading into a pool hall near my workplace at night. Then you two headed back out again. I never knew you two were the type to hang out," he said nonchalantly, though I knew it was Kuwabara's way of hiding his curiosity.

Grinning, I thought to myself. Kurama's plan had actually worked. Kuwabara did notice us. That was quite a shocker. "Why do you ask, huh? Can't two friends hang out without people growing suspicious?" I remarked as I brought the cordless phone into the bathroom. Pulling out my toothbrush and paste, I began to brush my teeth as Kuwabara contemplated my question.

"It's just that…it seems weird. You and Kurama just having fun together? I would have been less shocked at seeing Hiei singing karaoke."

I nearly choked on toothpaste at the idea of Hiei singing before I rinsed my mouth with water. "Gee, that's nice of you to say," I said in the most aggrieved tone I could make. Then I rinsed my mouth one more time with water before deciding to resolve the matter. I was getting hungry. "Look, Kurama and I just wanted to go out, okay? There's no reason to be asking questions. Now good-bye, Kuwabara," I said coldly before clicking the cordless off.

Chuckling to myself, I placed the phone back in its stand and headed to the kitchen to whip some breakfast. Mom was off doing whatever task and I pulled out a box of cereal and milk. I was jus about to dig into my bowl before the phone rang again. This time I was getting a little impatient. Why did people have to call at the wrong time?

"What?" I snapped into the phone.

"Um, Yusuke?"

I nearly dropped the phone in shock. "Keiko!" I exclaimed before I stuttered out my apologies. "Sorry, I thought you were Kuwabara."

She laughed on the other line and I found myself relieved. "Is that so? Well, he did call me before. And now I have my own question," she said, her tone growing serious. I groaned. Of all people Kuwabara had to call for advice, it had to be Keiko?

"What is it?"

"Are you and Kurama…well…are you two…"

I decided to help her out. "Going out?" I suggested meekly.

Keiko took a deep breath before answering. "Yeah," she said. I could almost imagine the smile on her face as she agreed with my suggestion.

"Are you mad?"

Now don't ask why I asked that, but it was just something that lingered in my mind and just wanted to get out. But after I said it, I felt extremely embarrassed. Why in the world would Keiko be mad? She and I were more than over with. I guess maybe I still wasn't completely over her, though.

"What? Why would I be? In fact I'm happy that you're moving on. It's been a while since our breakup and I was beginning to wonder if you would ever go out with anyone again," she said, "but to be honest, I never knew you were bi."

I couldn't help but laugh at what she said. "I never told you? God, I always thought I did," I replied. Keiko laughed.

"Well, I suspected you were but you never told me straight out. But then again you were always like that—unless someone asked you directly."

Keiko knew me all too well. I looked down at my bowl of cereal which suddenly became unappetizing and pushed it out my way. Here I was thinking she'd be angry. But it still sort of pained me to think of what we had two years ago. Yeah, two fucking years. I hadn't gone out with anyone for that long. It even sounded crazy to me, but those years passed by quickly. I always thought Keiko and I would be together forever as corny as that was.

I mean in the beginning for the first year or so, it was great. But then gradually, our relationship began deteriorating. Soon Keiko and I were having arguments about our busy lives and how we never had enough time for each other anymore. It was then that we realized that we had grown so far apart, that it couldn't even be helped. She led her own life at her college and I was jumping around all over the place from the Ningenkai to the Makai. Our breakup wasn't completely weepy and overdramatic but it was still kind of sad. I guess we both had been convinced that we were soul mates. Life really sucked sometimes.

But as I talked with Keiko on the phone, I almost felt like nothing changed. We were still best friends, though not boyfriend and girlfriend. We still knew each other inside out. Oh yeah, how things could change in two years. Keiko began talking about her current boyfriend she had been with for nearly a year now and I couldn't help but feel jealous of that guy. Whoever he was had better treat Keiko right. I told her this and she laughed, saying how I was still overprotective of her. How could I not be? Though I didn't say that, I grew slightly depressed by the thought. Keiko thought of me now like a brother. Now I knew there would definitely be no chance of her and me getting back together. I guess I was still living in delusions. Keiko might have been able to let go of me but I still hadn't gotten over her. Talking to her only reinforced these feelings. I was an idiot, yup.

"It was nice talking to you again, Yusuke. I have to go now to meet up with my group to finish up our project. Good-luck with Kurama, okay?"

"Yeah, bye, Keiko."

Click. I hadn't even realized we were talking for nearly an hour. Looking at my bowl of soggy cereal, I tossed it into the sink and headed back to my room for a change of clothes. Yeah, I was definitely depressed. Keiko always did have that effect on me. And I needed something to snap me out of it. So, dressed in sweats and a hoodie, I practically bulleted out of the house and began jogging around the neighborhood in a blind rush. Headphones were planted over my ears and everything was tuned out as I listened to the sound of heavy American rock.

Running along in beat to the music, I found myself drowned in thoughts of the past—when it was just Keiko and I. We were so happy together once upon a time. Then I had to go and screw everything up by leaving on my crazy trips to the Makai, and occasionally, the Reikai. I should have known Keiko would have to somehow cope with my absence but I never thought we would grow that far apart. I had been gone for three years before and she and I still were crazy about each other. But that was how our relationship began—with me coming back. How ironic was that?

It was the oh-so typical breakup I suppose—the girl getting over the guy yet the guy still longing for the girl but knowing he would never get her back. I snickered bitterly at that. Someone up there was laughing at me.

Eventually I came to a stop at a small deli shop where I picked up a tuna sandwich to replace the breakfast I had so kindly drained down the sink and practically swallowed the entire thing whole before I started running again. My destination? Nowhere in particular. I was venting out my feelings I suppose.

I ran for about an hour maybe before I realized my stomach began to cramp up. I paused by the park for a moment and rested on the bench for a few minutes before standing up and beginning to run again. I was never much of a runner, but at that moment I felt like I could run around the entire Makai, Reikai, and Ningenkai without breaking a sweat. It was really all an effort to forget about Keiko but her voice was still echoing in my mind like a broken record.

Then who else did I see but Kurama?

As I turned the corner, there stood the infamous redhead across the street. He looked up right about the same time as I did and waved at me. I grinned back at him slightly. And then that was when his expression turned to alarm.

"Yusuke, look out!" I heard him yell.

I turned to my right just in time to see a renegade bicycler running straight into me.

"Oh, fuck…"

And with those two…err…words, we crashed. Seconds passed and…

"Ow…"

Lord, give me strength. Stars were still running around in circles around my head and everything seemed to be out of focus. I was vaguely aware of someone holding me up and speaking to me, but the words were a jumble to my ears. Everything else about me seemed to ache as well and I wondered hazily about the fate of my CD player. I shook my head and felt another pain shoot through my stomach. I groaned and looked around wearily.

"Are you all right, Yusuke?"

That was Kurama. As I looked at him, I saw him barely containing his laughter and I looked at myself. I was sprawled out on the ground with my CD player lying safely in my pocket still and the other kid that crashed into me was standing and looking over me apologetically. His bike seemed to have been dented, though. I presumed that was my doing. I did have a hard head.

"Gosh, sorry, sir. I didn't see you. I hope you're all right," he sputtered.

I did my best to smile but the pain in my stomach was not one to be ignored. "Yeah… Don't worry about me, kid. I think your bike deserves it more than I do," I replied before standing up weakly. By this time I think Kurama noticed my discomfort and helped me stand upright. The kid nodded and began to walk away and the crowd slowly started to disperse.

"Are you really all right?" came Kurama's concerned tone.

"I…"

That was all I got out before I suddenly keeled over and dumped everything that was in my stomach onto the pavement. I was aware of Kurama kneeling beside me and the realization that this was probably a most embarrassing moment for me but that didn't matter as I felt all the energy rush out of my body in less than a second. By the time I emptied out the contents of my stomach, I felt considerably dizzy and out of focus. I saw Kurama look over me worriedly and couldn't help but feel some amusement.

"Remind me to never eat tuna again…," was all I said before I fainted dead away.

* * *

It's a strange feeling—being unconscious. Most of the times I didn't remember anything. But now, I did. It was like being in a room that had no light whatsoever and the only thing you could do was think. During this state, you also don't keep track of time. A whole week could pass and yet in that dark room, it would seem only like a day passed. It was also suffocating and depressing. I found myself wanting to wake up and escape my thoughts. I was mad at myself and at Keiko for reminding me of…herself. Kurama was a good distraction from the entire thing, but as soon as Keiko and I started talking again after not doing so for a while, everything began to fall apart. It was weird because I liked Kurama a lot. He was a good friend, but I think I really was starting to develop something for him. That was not a good thing of course considering he was so into Hiei and I was only helping him in encouraging Hiei to react. I had a knack for falling for people that really didn't want anything to do with me.

But before I could totally fall into darkness, I heard someone calling to me. It was like a distant call—something from a dream maybe. Everything seemed so unreal but it did slowly melt away to reality. The blackness was dissolving and I could begin to feel again. What I felt was a warm atmosphere and…exhaustion—exhaustion unlike any other I ever experienced. But it was a relief to be able to open my eyes again, even if it did feel like they weighed a ton. I saw Kurama watching me intensely and it took me awhile to find my voice.

"How long was I out?" I croaked out. Kurama eyed me seriously for a moment and I found myself wondering why before he slowly smiled.

"A few hours. Kuwabara called wondering where you were. When I told him you were here, he just said 'oh' and then with a quick good-bye, was gone," he replied lightly. I would have smiled if not for the fact that my muscles didn't seem to want to obey and just closed my eyes wearily.

"So what's the diagnosis?"

"Food poisoning. I recall you saying something about tuna before you fainted so I'm assuming that's what caused it."

There was something in Kurama's tone that made me look at him suspiciously. "Are you all right?" I found myself asking. Kurama looked at me sharply before softening his gaze.

"I'm really the one who should be asking you that," he replied quietly.

I could barely even smile back at him. That was how exhausted I was and my stomach was beginning to noise its protest a little too painfully. I looked at Kurama pleadingly and he immediately grabbed a bucket from his desk and placed it before me. I sat up with amazing strength and began coughing up whatever I had left in my stomach. The acid burned at my throat and I closed my eyes tightly as it eventually ended. Kurama was rubbing my bank gently and pulled the bucket away when I was done.

"No more tuna for you."

A strange sort of strangled sound escaped my throat and it was my poor attempt at laughter. Kurama smiled back at me gently as I leaned back in his bed. "You don't mind if I just fall dead asleep right now do you?" I inquired quietly. I felt his warm hand place itself on top of my clammy forehead as a response.

"Sleep. I'll take care of you," I heard Kurama murmur as I drifted away.

* * *

TBC


	5. Nightmare Syndrome

* * *

**.Five.**

_It was a strange room with all its darkness. There was only one window that opened to the light, but it did little to brighten the room. He stood there, still, emotionless, not quite knowing what was happening to him. He felt heavy, like someone or something was holding him down to the ground. But his eyes were alert. They roamed the room freely, looking for anything interesting._

_And then…_

_"Yusuke!"_

_It was like an arrow struck him. The weight was lifted from his shoulders and suddenly he was free. He jumped in alarm at the sound of his name and looked all around him for the source of the voice._

_"What's going on?" _

_His voice went out to darkness and only echoed back to him, taunting him._

_"Where are you? Help me, Yusuke!"_

_"Keiko?"_

_The one name fell dead on his lips as the room suddenly shifted, melting away into a bright clearing, an area so bright that he had to shut his eyes for a moment. When he lifted them open again, what he saw horrified him. In the midst of the surreal field stood Keiko, and behind her stood a demon, sauntering to her casually until it was but a mere few feet away. _

_"Keiko, look out behind you!"_

_He tried to run to run to her—to push her out of the way, but it seemed like he was moving slowly and everything else moved quickly. He watched Keiko smile faintly at him, completely oblivious to the demon poised to kill her. He yelled again and finally she turned, her happy expression morphing into one of terror and then to pain as the demon landed its fatal attack. Her screams reverberated around the region horribly and he was at once stunned to silence as he watched her sag to the ground lifelessly like a rag doll, her blood beginning to form a pool around her. The echoes of her screams still reigned clearly in the air and it was like someone was torturing him endlessly. The demon then turned towards him, a sinister gleam in its eyes. _

_"You…killed her."_

_Anger shot through him like a bullet and he was to his feet at once, eyes flashing in rage. The scenery around them changed once again to that of snow and ice. He found himself involuntarily shivering, but ignored it and focused on the demon before him. It would pay dearly for what it did. He would not allow it to live. The demon lifted one sharp tentacle and whipped him with it unmercifully. He was thrown to the icy ground and left in shock when he saw blood pouring from his own body. _

_"How could this be…?"_

_His voice was weak and strained. How could one hit affect him so? He hadn't even been able to move. He was glued to the ground and still was. It seemed that lying there was all he could as the demon slowly wrapped a tentacle around his body, lifting him to the air. It was like he was floating save the tightness around his chest and stomach. The demon began to squeeze him slowly until he could no longer breathe. He felt his bones being crushed into oblivion and the mindless screams he was letting out. It all seemed so unreal… _

_How could it end like this…?_

_"Ahhhhh…..!"_

* * *

"Yusuke!"

It was like breathing in fresh air. I felt warm arms wrap around me as I struggled to wake up. It was too horrible…too horrible. My eyes snapped open and the first thing I saw was Kurama…Kurama watching me with concern written clearly in his eyes. A wave of relief washed over me and I collapsed onto the bed, not even knowing I had sat up in the first place. Raising my hands over my face, I tried to steady myself. The dream…it wasn't the first time I had it, but I never had it so vividly. My skin was damp with sweat and my heart was racing.

"Yusuke?"

I felt gentle hands pulling mine away from my face. Light greeted me and I opened my eyes wearily to look at Kurama. "I'm all right. It was just a…dream," I managed to say, though my voice was raspy and I felt the screaming urge to cry. No…I would not cry.

Kurama stared at me stoically. I had no idea what he was thinking at that moment but I felt naked under his gaze more than ever. I turned over in the bed to face the wall and to seek refuge from Kurama's piercing eyes. I didn't blame Hiei one bit for liking this kitsune…those emerald eyes of his were more than enough to make any person go weak in the knees. For me it just made me feel so…little. Tears stung my eyes and I cursed at myself. Since when did dreams affect me like this? The pain I felt inside was so overwhelming that it completely overruled whatever I felt physically. What had scared me the most was the fact that the dream had felt so _real_. I felt almost like Keiko really did die. I really did feel rage and sorrow when I saw that demon take her down. Why wasn't I able to save her?

But Yusuke, it's only a dream.

"Fuck," I muttered to myself as I clutched onto the blankets as tightly as I could with the little energy I had. Why did this dream have to be so fucking painful? It was like that demon really was squeezing the life out of me. I felt like…

What I felt was Kurama lying down on the bed beside me and wrapping his arms around me. At once I felt a momentary second of security before whisking away to my own corners. He had surprised me. But his arms were no doubt supporting and what I needed. The tears were already falling from my eyes at that point and I didn't even realize it. God, was I emotionally unstable or what? Keiko and I were done with…over. But I wasn't done with her and apparently no matter how hard I tried to ignore my feelings, they came back tenfold. That dream made me realize something… If I ever lost Keiko that way, I probably would go into suicidal mode. My mind was ready to let her go but my heart wasn't. Inside, I was a torn conflict between letting go and not letting go.

"Will you tell me what it was about?" came Kurama's soft inquiry. It was so gentle, so soothing, that I couldn't possibly hold back. So I spilled all of the details of my dream like some blubbering child.

"I was in a room…and I couldn't move. I heard someone calling my name and at first I didn't know who it was. Then I realized it was Keiko," I began, feeling Kurama's grip tighten slightly as I mentioned her name. "Then the room changed. We were standing in the middle of a field and the light was shining like mad. I saw Keiko standing some yards away from me, smiling at me. Then I saw a demon…standing…right behind her. An-and it was coming up behind her slowly, ready to strike her down… I called for her to turn around and she did…at the last second," I paused for a moment to let the tears fall. My voice was getting more and more scratchy by the second. I did my best to clear it up and wiped some of the tears from my eyes in an effort to calm down.

"Then I began running to her," I started again, this time my voice clear and lacking any emotion at all. "But it was like running against a raging waterfall. I was moving like a snail and I saw the demon hit her. She fell to the ground, dead. I was angry…in rage…and I attacked the demon, or at least tried to. But it grabbed me and started squeezing the life out of me. I began screaming. And then I heard you," I finished tonelessly. The tears had ceased and now I was left to ponder the dream in a dead perspective. As quickly as the tears came, they were gone now. The pain was gone as well. I thought perhaps I had become numb from it all.

"It's all right, Yusuke. You said so yourself, it's only a dream. No matter how detailed it may be now, it will fade away soon. You're still here and Keiko is fine," murmured Kurama in my ear calmly, but his tone was dripping with concern and sincerity. Kurama always was quite expressive in his own ways. Though he may usually appear aloof and mysterious on the outside, he really wasn't if you looked deep enough. I closed my eyes and sighed softly.

"Just hold me," I requested quietly. Kurama's arms tightened around me in response and I got hold of a wave of comfort and protection. How did a silly food poisoning incident turn into this emotional shit? The combination of my mental problems along with my draining strength was really beginning to put a toll on me as I felt fatigue biting at my senses. After fighting it for a few seconds I finally succumbed to its sweet temptation.

"Rest well, Yusuke. I'll be here with you."

Kurama's words echoed in my mind as I drifted to a dreamless sleep.

* * *

I woke up again very soon after my very embarrassing nightmare. This time I was still in Kurama's hold and I found myself staring at the blank wall before me thoughtfully. I was still feeling tired but definitely a hell of a lot better. I was more concerned with that incident I had. God, I was such a wimp. Crying because of some stupid dream…what in the world has happened to me? I managed to untangle myself from Kurama's arms and got out of bed as stealthily as I could. That was no easy trick either considering Kurama was on the outside of the bed. I literally had to crawl over him, which did wonders on my poor stomach. By the time I got out of the bed I was breathing like I had just ran a hundred mile marathon.

I collapsed against a chair and watched as Kurama merely rolled over and continued sleeping on. I smiled slightly. Poor guy. He probably stayed up watching over me. Frowning to myself, I looked at the clock. Eight in the morning? That meant I had been out for…nearly an entire day. Ah, well. I raised my arms and grimaced at how much effort it had taken for me to do such a simple gesture. I dropped them to my side immediately and looked at the door blankly. Could I? Should I…? Casting a spare glance at Kurama's sleeping figure, I shrugged. Nature was calling me to the bathroom and I doubt Kurama would want to wake up with me pissing on his floor…or better yet, his plants. Smirking at that thought, I slipped out of his room with great slowness.

Good thing it was so early. I was able to go use the bathroom without any disturbances and even managed a trip down to his kitchen—though doing all that did take an awfully long time considering the breaks I had to take because of my body's loud protesting to such physical assertion. Everyone else was still sleeping. The Minamino household must sleep in late on Saturdays. I just took two bowls, spoons, a box of cereal, and a carton of milk and headed back up the stairs. I placed them all on Kurama's desk before pausing. What if Kurama liked having juice? Then I went back down and got the carton of juice as well before settling to my own breakfast. After all that, I nearly fainted again from exhaustion. To be quite frank, I wasn't even hungry. My stomach was empty and thankfully, not making any strange sounds, but my body felt like it weighed a hundred tons.

I also think must have made too much noise because Kurama woke up as I nearly collapsed onto his chair. He turned over and looked at me dazedly for a moment. I smiled weakly at him. I never knew Kurama was the type to look like a little kid when he woke up. But that moment ended quickly when he suddenly sat up, staring at me in shock.

"Yusuke! How did you…? You shouldn't be up," he scolded gently, trying in vain to compose himself. I shook my head tiredly.

"You know me. Always up for a challenge," I stated, though my voice must have sounded pathetically weak because that was exactly how I felt. "Breakfast?" I prompted, gesturing to the bowls with a lazy hand.

Kurama stared at me for a long while before smiling slightly. He took the bowl and thanked me graciously before digging in. How Kurama could manage to be so polite at such an early hour will always be a wonder to me. I just continued watching him and thought to myself. Was I trying hard not to mention the night before? Hell yeah. I just wanted to tell Kurama I would be all right, thank him for taking care of me, and hightail it out of there. Of course would that clever kitsune ever let me go that easily? No.

"So how are you feeling now?"

"Better. Thanks."

"You didn't have any more dreams then?"

"…No."

Damn Kurama and all his curiosity and senses! I managed to stay quiet for a while before looking at him seriously. He gazed back at me calmly and I found it hard to keep myself from choking him. Why was this guy so damn hard to catch off guard?

"I don't suppose you want to talk about it."

"No."

This time my answer came quickly and harshly. I turned away. Normally I would have stomped off but there was no way in hell my body would let me do it. I knew I was being a little baby. I also knew that Kurama was not going to let me drop it that easily. I _also_ knew that he was going to find some way to manipulate me to explaining my feelings from the night before. Kurama was too damn clever for his own good sometimes. So before he could say anything, I interrupted him with, "All right, fine! I'll tell you, gees."

Kurama looked a bit surprised by my statement but smiled at me nonetheless. "I was about to say you didn't have to, but all right," he commented lightly. I gaped at him.

"Well, in that case—!"

"No, you already said you were and you are."

"Fuck."

This time Kurama didn't even have to say or do anything to make me talk to him. In fact, it was really my fault for giving in so easily. Maybe subconsciously I actually did want to talk about it? Gah, I have no idea but I just know I did.

"So where do you want me to start?" I inquired casually. Fortunately I was beginning to feel the call for sleep and I believe Kurama realized it so we both knew this was going to be quick and short.

"Do you still want to be with Keiko?" he asked softly.

Of course, he had to ask the touchy question first. Fuck, dammit, curse all the forces in the world for putting me in this situation! That was what I screamed continuously in my mind at that moment. Oh, I knew it was childish and rather vulgar of me but at least I didn't say it aloud, right? All I did was just stare at him darkly and then answer with, "I don't know."

Kurama must have been frustrated. Goodness knows I _would_ have been frustrated if I was in his position. But he never showed it and just continued on without any hesitation. "Are you over her?"

Goddamn it. "No."

Bingo! I could just see the light go on in Kurama's head. That was the first question I managed to give a straight answer and I knew he would find his way to get me to spill all me feelings. Of course that didn't mean I would give him an easy time of doing it!

Kurama shifted his gaze on me to the floor for a second before switching it back on me. I stared back at him defiantly. In the corner of my mind, I knew I must have been acting like a stubborn four-year-old kid but I wasn't about to give up so easily.

"You aren't over her then. Is that why you didn't catch that bicycle before it hit you?"

How in the world did Kurama manage to put so much force into that one question is another thing I will never understand. He stared at me darkly and his eyes never gave way into any emotion and I shuddered mentally at that.

"In a way, yeah," I said before sighing tiredly. It was slowly getting harder and harder to focus. "Kuwabara called me yesterday asking me about us and why we were out together. Yeah, he saw us. So I just told him why couldn't two friends just hang out and then hung up. Then Keiko called, probably as a result of Kuwabara, and we talked. I pretty much told her you and I were 'going out' and she was ecstatic. Then we started talking about her boyfriend and the old times. I went into reminiscing mode and began regretting everything I ever did. She and I were good together you know. There is no doubt in my mind that we would've stayed together if I hadn't gone on my jumping sprees."

Kurama studied me for a few seconds before tilting his head to the side slightly. "Is that the reason you broke up?" he asked slowly, as if waiting for me to explode. Weird, I would usually yell at him for prying too deeply but I didn't. I just stayed put and remained quiet for a while. Don't ask what was going on in my head because I really can't recall all too well. It was just a complete blank.

"Yeah," I finally answered dumbly. By that time I was staring at the floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. I really hated going through the "inquiry" but I wasn't objecting to it. Part of me wanted to spill everything out and apparently, that side was winning. And I was just too damn tired to be stubborn.

"I assume she broke up with you then."

"Yep." Meet Kurama, the successor to Mr. Einstein himself.

Kurama crossed his arms and remained quiet. I took this opportunity to study him. Boy, was this guy a mind reader or what? Then again, I was dealing with a kitsune that was alive for a way longer time than me. I suppose this so-called "wisdom" came with the territory. And here I was trying to act like everything was no big deal. Ah…

Finally Kurama changed his position again and was standing up. I watched him in mild surprise as he began to his drawer and opened it. Then he began rummaging around for something. "How did you feel when she broke up with you?" he queried as he resumed his search.

I stared at his back while wracking my brain for an answer. It was at the tip of my tongue but did I really want to spill the truth? Of course not. But it came out anyway. "I felt torn. She was everything to me and I always thought we would be together no matter what. I thought our relationship could survive. I _thought_ that no matter what, Keiko would always be waiting for me. So when she broke up with me, I was knocked back to reality and it hurt like hell. I didn't want to believe it yet at the same time, I could see why she did it and it hurt me even more because I caused it all. It was all my fault," I spat out bitterly, surprising myself. I sank back into the chair. I had used way too much energy for that.

Kurama finally turned around and walked over to me, dropping something in my lap. I looked down and saw a picture—a _really_ old picture of the Reikei Tantei with Koenma, Botan, Shizuru, Keiko, Yukina, and Genkai included. I was surprised by it and picked it up slowly, studying it carefully. I didn't even know Kurama had a picture of all of us. Hell, I didn't even _remember_ taking this picture! I looked at Kurama in surprise before dropping the picture back into my lap suddenly from the quick departure of strength in my hand.

"Fuck, this is old," I murmured, eliciting a smile from him.

"It just suddenly came back to me. I meant to show it to the others. You talking about the past reminded me. Botan gave me this a while ago as a birthday gift—it's the only copy," he explained slowly as he gazed at it fondly. I studied him and shook my head slightly as I gave it to him with a quivering hand that disturbed me greatly.

"You should frame this little baby!" I exclaimed. Kurama stared at me for a second before nodding in agreement, a small smile on his face as he took it from my hand; my hand fell promptly back to my side. I breathed in deeply to regain some steadiness as I watched Kurama walk over to his desk and take a frame that held a picture of him and his mother and turn it over, pulling the picture out. I blinked and cocked my head to the side. "Wait…you don't have to get rid of that picture just to put ours in…," I began weakly.

Kurama turned to me and smiled. "There are plenty of pictures of mother and me in this house and only one of all my friends. It will be all right to use this frame," he remarked calmly as he placed the frame back on his desk, the picture gleaming proudly in the light. He placed the old picture in his drawer and sat down again, looking at me sternly.

"Now we shall go back to our former topic."

"Ah, fuck."

This time I didn't hold back my comment or my glare. So I was both glaring and cursing at Kurama. Scary thought, now that I think back on it. But Kurama took it lightly and just countered my glare with a steady look.

"So how do you feel now?"

I rubbed my eyes. "The same only now the regret is even greater," I answered. "But you know…part of me wants to get over her. My heart is unwilling but my mind is."

"I understand. So now I suppose you ran out of your house for a morning run and got distracted by these thoughts and managed to get yourself hit by a bicycle and also suffer a rather bad case of food poisoning," Kurama deducted.

I stared at him blankly. "Yeah," I agreed dumbly. Correction, meet Kurama, the successor to Mr. Sherlock Holmes.

Kurama nodded at me and sighed. "So that's how you feel?" he asked, all his masks down and concern written clearly in his eyes. I stared back at him, feeling very much like a child.

"Yeah…it's not really a dilemma. I _know_ I can get over Keiko. It's just a matter of meeting the right person and doing that whole 'falling in love' thing—or of course…wait for five years to pass," I remarked offhandedly, amusing myself with the first idea. Whoever that person would be, he or she would _really_ need some serious amounts of charm and wit to get me over Keiko that's for sure.

"So what now?"

I looked at Kurama uneasily. "Listen, Kurama…thanks you know…for being with me last night. I think you were probably the reason why I didn't have any further dreams," I said, embarrassing myself. Humbleness was never my thing.

Kurama stared at me with laughter in his eyes but something else was in there as well. I just couldn't identify it. "You don't need to thank me, Yusuke. You're my friend and I am also playing your boyfriend so how could I leave you either way?" he replied with a chuckle.

I stared at Kurama and couldn't help but smile along. Kurama really was a good friend. There was definitely a lot more to learn about him and his past, but I was more than willing to do it. Strange…the more I hung out with him, the more I wanted to know about him and the more _he_ was slowly letting out more information as the days passed. Perhaps I developed some infatuation with him but I found myself more alive when I was with him than I had been in quite some time. It was a good thing.

"So is the investigation over, detective?"

Kurama blinked at me blankly for a moment before chuckling. "Yes, I suppose so. But next time…if you're ever feeling lost or in need of someone to talk to, you can come to me," he said gently but firmly. I looked at him and then burst out laughing.

He must have thought I was being rude and didn't care about his concern but really I wasn't. It was just weird to see Kurama so worried about…_me_! I remember him staring at me with some slight annoyance in his eyes and couldn't help but grin at it. I finally calmed down and stared at the floor for a bit before turning my gaze to him.

"Thanks, Kurama. That means a lot to me."

I think he was surprised by the sincerity in my voice…hell, even I was surprised at myself. He just looked at me with this strange expression that I couldn't fathom but then his face broke out into a smile, a real, genuine, happy smile that was rare from him.

"Now what shall we do about our curious Kuwabara?"

I smirked and brought my hand to my chin. "I could think of several ideas."

"Do tell."

"With pleasure. But first…bed," I replied.

Kurama laughed and helped me over to his bed where I immediately fell asleep again.

* * *

TBC 


	6. My Best Friend's Birthday

* * *

**.Six.**

The following week was…interesting. Of course, possessing an iron stomach, I was able to overcome the food poisoning quickly but it was during that week where everything in Kurama's plan fell into place as you could say.

I woke up one morning to the phone ringing. I am most definitely not what one would call a morning person so I turned in my bed and ignored it entirely. After a few more rings it stopped and I relished in the silence only to be interrupted once again. Cursing, I grabbed it and forced myself to take a deep breath before speaking. After all, I didn't _want_ the person to be intimidated by my fierce rage. Right.

"Hello," I nearly growled out.

"Urameshi!" exclaimed a familiar voice.

I groaned. "What is it now, Kuwabara?" I asked in exasperation. There was no point in scolding him; it didn't faze him at all anymore.

"You have to come over this afternoon! We're holding a party!" he went on cheerfully.

I arched an eyebrow. Ding! A little bell went off in my head. Kuwabara's birthday. "For what?" I inquired dumbly.

There was no reply for a moment and I had to stuff my hand into my mouth to keep from laughing. Kuwabara is easy to fool and you would think that since I've known him for so long, I would be used to it, but the fact is as time goes on, I still find myself bawling in laughter.

"Well…umm…it's…," he stuttered out finally.

I shook my head. Okay, maybe I was being a little harsh. It is his birthday after all. Sighing, I grinned. "Don't stress yourself, dimwit. I know it's your birthday. I was just messing around. So when's this party?" I said, astonishing myself with my relent in fun making. I really did grow soft in the past few years.

"What? Damn you, Urameshi!" cursed Kuwabara before I heard shifting on his end. His voice became muffled and I arched my eyebrow in question.

"Yusuke," stated a new voice.

I blinked. "Shizuru?" I asked. Hmm…most likely she thought Kuwabara unable to complete the simple task of telling me when the party started and decided to take over. I snickered. My mind was evil, yes.

"The party starts at eight and please, try not to torment him. You know how he gets easily riled up," she explained calmly. I heard Kuwabara's cry of outrage in the background and grinned.

"Sure thing. Thanks, Shizuru. Will do," I replied before hanging up.

Sometimes I had to wonder how Shizuru and Kuwabara were even related. She probably inherited all the brains, which left poor Kuwabara with none. I laughed. Even when he wasn't here in front of me, my mind found ways of making fun of him.

I quickly rose out of bed and stretched thoroughly before heading to the bathroom to clean up. The house was quiet. Oh yeah. Mom said she would head out on a little excursion to some casinos out of town. She probably wouldn't be back until next week. I shook my head. She really did have some weird hobbies.

"Yusuke."

As soon as I entered the kitchen, I froze. Okay, blink once and look again. I did so and found myself with the same image presented before me. That is, Kurama sitting at the table drinking tea from a small cup. He looked very much quaint in that spot and I found myself staring at him dumbfoundedly. Kurama. My kitchen. What the fuck?

"Morning," I greeted in a surprisingly calm tone, one that almost bordered polite. Now I knew I was dreaming.

Kurama smiled at me. "Sorry to intrude. I came to visit. Your mother let me in and offered to wake you up but I decided to wait instead. It was kind of her to let me stay here," he explained.

Ah, my mother. Of course. And here I go thinking Kurama pulled a Youko and snuck into my house. My imagination was crazy this morning.

"Of course she would let you stay. She likes you. Out of all my friends, she considers you the most stable one—besides Keiko, obviously," I replied.

Kurama smiled. "Is that so? I pray you haven't mentioned anything about my earlier days," he commented humorously.

I grinned. "No, no, of course not. I want her to think that I have _some_ normal friends you know. Hiei came over once. Imagine her response," I said, laughing fondly at the memory.

Hiei had only come over to ask me where Kuwabara was. The reason was naturally because of Yukina. He was and still is deathly overprotective of her. But that day, it was mom who opened the door. Hiei was his normal self—calm, curt, and cold. She was astonished by his lack of politeness when he just asked bluntly, "Is Yusuke here?" She was annoyed by his attitude but called me over nonetheless. Later on that day, she asked me what kind of friends I was making. I couldn't stop laughing when I saw her irritated expression and that only fueled her more. She smacked me in the head and told me she never wanted to see Hiei here again. She then went into a rant about how all my friends were either delinquents or mentally unstable.

Then I introduced her to Kurama.

She fell in love with him and her faith in me was restored. End of story.

"So what's the occasion, _mon ami_?" I asked, wonderingly slightly on where the French came from.

Kurama eyed me. "Kuwabara's party is today," he answered shortly.

I arched an eyebrow. "Yeeees…don't tell me you need help in finding him a gift," I replied, staring at him in shock.

He laughed. "No, I already have something for him," he said.

I frowned. Okay, normally Kurama was a pretty straightforward guy. Why was he dancing around the bushes now? I thought a little harder. Party People Hiei. Aah… "Nervous about being around Hiei?" I queried.

Kurama smiled faintly. "Not that, Yusuke. It's just that this will be the first time we'll be in front of people with our…newfound relationship," he replied.

I smiled wickedly. "You're…you're ashamed of me?" I struggled out, forcing a pained tone.

"Yusuke," warned Kurama, narrowing his eyes slightly.

I laughed inwardly. He really was tense about this. Well, go figure. Kurama was more of a introvert than me. "Don't worry! When you're with me, nothing will go wrong. We'll fool everyone there and Hiei will realize his foolishness for being so slow to get to you," I said soothingly. Somehow, the thought of this plan working made me hurt inside but I merely shook it off.

"Hopefully," replied Kurama, though I could see a strange glimmer in his eyes.

I sighed and grinned brightly. "So what'd you get for old knucklehead?" I asked eagerly. Time for a more uplifting conversation, my mind was telling me.

Kurama smiled back. I think somehow he was grateful for the change in topics as well. "A new video game. I know he loves them," he answered.

I tilted my head to the side. "Hmm…good gift. He's a sucker for games. I got him a new watch since his old one is always failing," I replied. Yeah, that same old watch which caused him to call me at five in the morning, go into an emotional depression, and eat poisoned tuna fish. I hate that watch.

"A watch? Yes, I do recall Kuwabara mentioning something about a broken watch," wondered Kurama aloud.

I glared at him. "It's not broken. He just doesn't know what type of batteries it needs," I remarked coldly. The memory of that watch was making me boil over.

Kurama looked at me in surprise. "Are you all right, Yusuke?" he asked with some alarm.

I shook my head and forced myself to think of anything but the watch. Stupid watch. "Yeah, yeah, don't worry. I have a weird head," I said quickly, standing up. "Let's head out for a bit. I have to get something else to finish up my gift."

I think Kurama was surprised by my generosity. Well hey, Kuwabara may be a goofball but he is one of my closest friends and he's stuck around me for who knows how long and never complained about it too much. So in my book, he deserves something big. Besides, what was the point of giving a gift that would replace something that I hated? It was more like a gift to myself. I had to get something else Kuwabara would appreciate.

"You're inviting me to shop, Yusuke?" asked Kurama tentatively. But I could see straight through his tone.

"Yes, oh red-headed one! Do you have a problem with that?" I shot back, pointing a finger at him.

If Kurama was in any way surprised by my usage of words, he didn't show it. He merely shrugged. "I suppose it can't be helped," he said.

He walked up to the door and waited for me patiently. I smiled amusedly and quickly put on my sneakers before heading out the door energetically.

"Onward, comrade! We have an important mission that must be fulfilled by eight this evening!" I declared heroically.

Kurama smiled and shook his head but humored me with his reply. "Yes, Sir Yusuke," he said.

I grinned and clutched onto Kurama's arm firmly, stopping him in his tracks. He looked at me strangely. I winked at him. "We're going too slow," was all I said before breaking into a mad dash.

I think by now Kurama was used to my fast-paced ways because he didn't say anything at all and just followed easily. We sprinted across the streets and the people didn't notice at all thanks to our oh-so remarkable speed. I smiled to myself once we approached the stores. Then I slowed down considerably.

"Here, my fair comrade," I said before entering a store.

"Pardon the break from the chivalric attitude, but why are we in a book store? I got the impression that Kuwabara detested them," remarked Kurama curiously.

I looked at him hard in the eye. "Why, Kurama! Of all people! I thought you would love the chance to promote good reading!" I exclaimed in feigned shock.

Kurama raised an eyebrow. "Depends on what type of reading it is," he replied smartly.

I snickered and started heading to the mystery section of the store, taking in Kurama's mildly suspicious look. True, Kuwabara was anti-reading but for some inexplicable reason he recently got hooked onto mystery novels. It managed to confuse me thoroughly. I mean, did the guy like reading mysteries because the main characters were usually the strong, deductive type—the complete opposite of him? Maybe he admired them—I really had no clue.

"Hmm…_A Thousand Words_, sounds intriguing no?" I remarked, picking up a thick book of about four hundred pages.

Kurama smiled. "Kuwabara likes mysteries now?" he asked.

I nodded and started looking at some of the other books. The cover on _A Thousand Words_ was just too boring for my liking.

"Why not just take him to the Makai? He can find a real mystery there without any difficulty," quipped Kurama.

I glanced up at him. "You really think Koenma would open a portal just for us?" I inquired.

Kurama gave a slight smile. "With the right persuasion," he answered slyly.

I hated it when Kurama gave me that look—like he knew something I didn't. Arrg. Damn kitsune. "Nah…I don't think Kuwabara can handle it. We'd be better off handing him a book. He can cause less trouble that way," I said, finally settling on a hardcover book that read, _Midnight's Doom_. I sneered at the title. The summary may have been good but I didn't know what the hell was up with the name. The writer must have gotten lazy or probably rang out of creativity for the title since the book itself was comprised of five hundred pages.

This should give Kuwabara good reading for a month.

"You seem to be doubting Kuwabara's skills," remarked Kurama as we headed up to the cash register.

I shot him an exasperated look. "I'm not. I just know what he can and cannot take. Trust me; I've known him for a while," I replied lightly.

"You do seem rather protective of him," suggested Kurama.

Protective? Yeah, I guess I was. But when you have a friend like Kuwabara, it's hard not to be. He's so damn gullible and can be as stubborn as me—a very scary and dangerous combination. Someone has to make sure he doesn't end up getting killed. Shizuru tries to beat these lessons into him but they don't seem to work. I have to sympathize with her for that.

"He's just one of those people," I said offhandedly, while winking at the cashier girl who was packing up my book. She blushed and I complimented myself on my charm. Heh. It was nice to see that I was still able to woo a girl.

I looked at Kurama and saw him staring at me intently. I cocked my head to the side wonderingly.

"_¿Qué?_" I asked. Hmm, Spanish now…

He blinked and then gave me a slow smile. "Nothing. It's just that…you really haven't changed too much in these past years have you?" he said.

I narrowed my eyes and punched him hard in the shoulder. "Excuse me? I _have_ changed. I'm taller for one thing and a hell of a lot stronger," I pointed out, though I knew what Kurama meant with his words. I just liked to humor him.

And sure enough—"Yusuke," came the calm tone.

I chuckled. "Okay, okay, all joking aside, I really _have_ changed! They're just so subtle you couldn't tell!" I exclaimed.

Kurama looked at me patiently and that only made me glare at him heatedly. Why was this guy so hard to shake? He's even worse than Hiei. At least with him I knew all I had to do was make a poke at him and Yukina and he would blow instantly. With Kurama…he was just difficult. He really had to loosen up more. And I had to wonder if being with Hiei would really do that.

Obviously, the answer to that was a definite no.

"Well, I'm quieter for one thing and not as irrational. Does that help?" I said, giving Kurama that "Are-You-Satisfied-Now?" look.

Kurama rewarded me with that happy look of his. You know, that little shiny gleam he gets in his eyes even though his expression may say otherwise. Since he didn't often express much emotion, you eventually learn to read his eyes. However, even sometimes I can be fooled by what he says. What an enigma.

"And why are we talking about me? It's always about me. I'm getting bored. I already know everything about myself. How about _you_, eh Kurama?" I said quickly, shooting him an innocent look.

"And what about me?" he shot back, smirking slightly.

I scrunched up my nose and titled my head back to look at the sky. I could feel Kurama's questioning gaze and I merely held up a hand to stop any inquiries he might make. And then I felt it.

"AH-CHOO!"

I think my sneeze was enough to wake up hibernating bears. Everyone around us looked at me disdainfully and I just grinned helplessly back at them. Kurama was shaking his head.

"Hey, when I need to sneeze, I need to look at the sky. It's the only way to get it out and boy did that feel good!" I exclaimed happily.

I don't sneeze often—maybe once a few months, so this was a very happy occurrence for me. Ah, the curse of good health and not to mention a demonic heritage. It made me wonder if I could still catch a cold. I sure as hell never saw Hiei or Kurama sick that's for sure. Well, I did have food poisoning…but that was food poisoning. Even a youkai can't fight that.

"You certainly have a way with attracting attention," remarked Kurama.

"Are you complaining?" I inquired sharply.

Kurama shook his head, carefully hiding a smile—that, I can also read just by the way he covers his mouth with his hand. "No, of course not, Sir Yusuke. So is our mission complete?" he retorted.

"Why, it most certainly is," I replied charmingly as I took his hand and pulled it out before him. "Onward to the fast food joints—err—eating quarters!"

* * *

TBC

Ah, dear me. I did say the party would actually take place in this chapter didn't I? Well, I guess now it's safe to say that will be postponed until the _next_ part. :P So sorry! I got a bit carried away with this part. And look! An update within two months! Aren't you proud? Heh. Well, I promise the next part will be up sooner. It seems I got my juices flowing again. Yeah!


	7. Don't Kiss And Tell

* * *

**.Seven.**

I eyed the house with some wonder. Kuwabara was only turning twenty-one—they didn't need to make such a big deal about it. I grinned inwardly. We hadn't celebrated his birthday with a large bash in a few years and at least now I could make him drunk feeling guiltless.

If you expected party streamers and balloons everywhere, you'd be surprised. The house looked exactly the same only dimmer and with heavy jazz music in the background. The entrance to the kitchen had been draped with curtains to hide what was happening inside and the counter had been turned to a bar. Shizuru was the one taking charge of handling drinks and boy did she do it well. It made me wonder if she had ever been a bartender before with the way she dealt the shots and bottles. She also had the same idea as me—make everyone drunk till they can't even stand. I found great amusement in this and aided her in this quest. Keiko and Botan had already long fallen victim to the alcohol and were now seen dancing wildly together without a single care in the world.

I leaned back against the wall and crossed my arms. I heard Shizuru snicker beside me and glanced at her curiously. "What's up?" I asked.

She shook her head and gestured to Kuwabara. "My little brother looks like he's having fun, no?" she inquired.

I glanced over at him and promptly began laughing. Kuwabara was sitting on the couch, a drink in his right hand as he gazed up wonderingly at Keiko and Botan. The strangest dazed look was on his face as he smiled.

"Hmm…I wonder if his crush on Yukina has been officially swatted down now," I commented. I looked at Keiko and Botan again and whistled. I never knew those two could move like that.

"If you ask me, this party isn't a party at all."

I turned my head and saw Kurama standing by me, arching an eyebrow wryly. I grinned. "No? Well, what did you expect?" I asked.

"Something a little more…party-like."

I laughed and slugged Kurama in the arm, tilting my head to the side curiously. "Wow, what a way with your words, Kurama! What happened to that fancy vocabulary? You're not getting buzzed are you?" I said, staring at him intently. Since it was so dark in the room, it was hard to catch his expression but Kurama definitely looked like he had a few drinks too many. I snickered at this. Finally, it seemed like I was better than the kitsune at something.

"Shizuru insisted I'm afraid," he replied quietly as he rubbed his eyes.

I smiled. "Haven't you ever been drunk before?" I queried, finding great humor in this. Kurama. Tipsy. My head was rushing with different ideas at this occurrence.

"I usually make a point at not drinking too much, Yusuke. It's not a pleasant feeling," he replied, regaining some of his composure.

I pouted deeply. "What? Don't you drink in the Makai? I know you were a party animal in your earlier days, Kurama," I replied teasingly.

Kurama eyed me darkly. "Alcohol isn't all too common in the Makai, Yusuke. Wine maybe but even that is saved for ceremonious occasions," he said.

I grinned widely and poured another drink before handing it to Kurama. "Well, drink up! I'd say this is a pretty ceremonious occasion. Even Hiei is having fun…sort of," I declared, shooting one look at the short youkai sitting in the corner. He wore a surly expression and looked ready to bolt until Keiko and Botan sauntered up to him, pulling him up from his rooted spot. I held in my laughter as Keiko urged him to dance. Go Keiko, my mind shouted.

"Yusuke. No more, please."

My head snapped back to face Kurama, who looking at the drink I offered with mild disgust. I smiled before latching myself to his arm. "_Please_? No more after this I swear," I said pleadingly.

Kurama stared at me for a moment before sighing. I was cheering in my mind. He then took hold of the glass and swallowed it quickly with surprising fluidness. I arched an eyebrow. Kurama was a better drinker than I guessed.

"Are you happy now?"

"Yes, very."

Kurama nodded. "Good. Because now I'm going sit down," he said before walking over to where Kuwabara was. He swayed slightly but still managed to keep his balance pretty well. I grinned.

Well, that part of my mission was done now. Even if Kurama wasn't completely drunk, he was enough to lose some of his coolness. That was a big A+ in my book. I placed my hands on my hips and took a shot from the counter and downed it. I was brought up on drinks. Mom kept every kind possible back at home and I learned at an early age what was good and how to make them. A secret talent I suppose but not one worth bragging about unless I entered a drinking contest. Getting drunk for me was a difficult task and definitely not worth the trouble. I think I was probably born with alcohol in my bloodstream already.

"Woo hoo!"

I looked up as Keiko and Botan swung each other around before coming down to a heavy crash onto the floor, knocking everything else around them askew. I shook my head amusedly as they briefly started laughing. Hiei, who was still trying to recover from his brief encounter with the two, was staring at them in complete appall. I then narrowed my eyes and looked around the room in confusion.

"Say…where did Yukina go?"

"I think she had an appointment with the toilet," replied Shizuru as she smiled wickedly.

I snickered at her response. Shizuru was definitely not one to mess with. She probably would have made a great Reikai Tantei with that crafty mind of hers.

"Hey Yusuke! Why don't you come and join us?"

I looked at Kuwabara. Yup, he was officially drunk. He was barely even managing to keep his gaze on me focused. I guess that meant we would have to save the gift opening until tomorrow. Shizuru had already said we all had permission to sleep over. Their parents were out of town for a week. I was definitely willing to take up that offer now. Besides, sleepovers would always entail on even more entertainment—especially now that we had five drunken people. If only Hiei would join in on the fun.

"I'd say we better call it in for tonight. It's almost one," remarked Shizuru as she glanced at her watch. She sighed deeply. "Time passes by quick when you're having fun."

I had to agree with her on that. Of course little did I know what else was going to come in the next hour. As she went to turn off the radio, I began cleaning up the mess. Drinks and cups were strewn all over the place and Keiko and Botan were still chuckling giddily on the floor.

"Come on, everyone! Get ready to sleep!" ordered Shizuru as she clapped her hands.

Only about half of them responded. Kuwabara was staring at her strangely and Keiko and Botan only laughed harder. Yukina had returned from her trip to the bathroom and she looked quite pale as she took a seat by Kuwabara. Kurama struggled to keep steady and Hiei looked utterly furious when Kuwabara placed an arm around Yukina. It was a really messed up picture, I know.

"I think I better get the sleeping bags and pajamas. You think you can watch over them for a few minutes?" inquired Shizuru.

I nodded and crossed my arms. "I think I can manage that," I replied.

She then left me alone with the group and needless to say, they were rowdy. Keiko and Botan had begun singing tunelessly. Kuwabara was unsuccessfully trying to flirt with Yukina, who looked ready for another throw-up session while Hiei glowered dangerously at him. Kurama looked calm where he was sitting but I could tell that he was definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol in his blood by the way his eyes kept crossing over each other.

Naturally, I had a hard time holding in my laughter.

"I think I'll leave this forsaken party now, Yusuke," remarked Hiei suddenly.

I blinked in surprise. "What? You'll miss all the fun. Besides, who's going to watch over Yukina while she sleeps, eh? Kuwabara's even more dangerous when he's sleeping," I said quickly without even thinking.

Hiei glared at me and I applauded myself on my surprising ingenuity. There was still, of course, the situation with Kurama. I couldn't let Hiei go without the great revelation first. But then again…now that nearly everyone else was drunk, I wasn't even sure if I should have even proceeded with the plan. They would probably forget everything by tomorrow morning. Well, at least Keiko knew. And I was sure Kuwabara had his suspicions. Shizuru, probably, already figured it out since she kept gesturing at me and Kurama the whole evening.

"Okay, everybody! Time to change into the sleeping wear!"

I nearly jumped when I heard Shizuru shout. I turned around and saw her throw a pair of spare pants and shirts to everyone. She had already cleared out the table and seven sleeping bags were situated neatly. I caught the clothes she threw at me and arched an eyebrow.

"Where are you going to be?"

She smiled at me. "What, you thought I would be sleeping with you? I'm sorry, but I have a room upstairs thank you very much," she replied dryly.

I narrowed my eyes at her. Typical woman. Suddenly, I saw Shizuru yelp and turned around to see that Keiko had already half undressed herself before everyone. I chuckled as Shizuru covered her up.

"The bathroom, people! Botan, Yukina, come with me," she ordered before bopping Kuwabara hard on the head. "Stop staring, little brother!"

She then quickly led the girls away from the room and I walked over to Kurama, who had already changed into his clothes. I stared at his over-sized blue tee shirt and white pants before shaking my head. I then looked at my own clothes. A black tank top and grey sweatpants. They were considerably smaller than what Kuwabara usually wore so I assumed they were his old clothes.

"For a drunk guy, you hold up pretty well," I commented as I slipped my shirt off.

Kurama watched me. "I'm not drunk, Yusuke," he replied, a small smile on his face.

I arched an eyebrow and stared at him intently. He merely looked back at me calmly. Suddenly I stood up, pointing a finger at him. "You lied before!" I exclaimed accusingly.

He chuckled lightly and that only fueled my suspicions even more.

"Dammit it all. I should have known better than to fall for a trick like that. You are evil, Kurama," I said bitterly, crossing my arms huffily. Well, I guess I could cross out that A+ in my book now. Damn kitsune.

"You aren't mad are you, Yusuke? I couldn't resist myself—especially since I saw how much effort you put in to make me drunk," he said, his voice soothing.

I looked at him and stuck out my tongue. "Never again shall I believe you, Kurama!" I stated before pulling the tank top over my head, effectively drowning out any response he could have made. Naturally, he knew I was only joking.

"But I am surprised with you. You drank even more than anyone else here and you don't look at all fazed," quipped Kurama lightly as he regarded me carefully.

I winked and tapped him on the nose with my finger quickly, taking in the brief look of surprise on his face. "That, my dear kitsune, is a wonder you will continue wondering about," I replied, laughing at my own words. My attempt at being witty was pitiful. That made me admire Kurama even more.

"Is that so? Then I suppose I shall keep wondering till the end of my days."

I threw a look of disgust at Kurama. "Chill, dude. I'll tell you eventually. Let me be the secretive one for once," I retorted.

Kurama looked back at me calmly. "You're quite secretive without even knowing it, Yusuke," he replied mysteriously.

Sometimes Kurama confused me. I didn't what the hell he meant when he said that and still don't to this day. But all I knew was that when he looked at me, it felt like he was actually seeing me for myself and not the hotheaded fighter I made myself seem like. For that moment, it looked almost like the one he may have had feelings for was me and not Hiei. Of course, that thought was quickly erased from my head once the youkai himself began speaking.

"Do we actually have to change into these?"

Hiei held up his clothes like they were the evilest things in the entire world. Kurama broke his gaze with me and started laughing lightly to Hiei's words while I breathed in a sigh of relief. That redhead was sometimes too much to handle—even for me.

"They're not poison, Hiei, and you better change into them before I make you."

Shizuru, of course. She alone had the skill and prowess to deal with a youkai like Hiei without fear. Naturally, the latter glared at her darkly but she just met with his stare evenly. It was then that I noticed their sharp height difference. From my point of view, it looked like a mother scolding her son. Then Hiei began to change wordlessly. I shook my head in wonder. Shizuru was indeed a very skilled woman to be able to control Hiei.

Everyone else had settled into their spots comfortably and without too much difficulty. I glanced at Kurama and shrugged. We then chose the two sleeping bags that were closest to each other and the farthest away from the rest.

"Aaw…Yusuke and Kurama…do you want to be separate from us?" inquired Botan with a small pout.

From the corner of my eye I could see Hiei staring at us and put on a grin. "No, no, that's not the case at all. I don't know why these bags are so far apart," I replied innocently.

"Oh, be quiet, Botan! They want to be _alone_ of course. Let them be," quipped Keiko as she smacked Botan lightly in the arm.

I bit my lip and glanced at Kurama, who bore a neutral expression. This most certainly wasn't expected.

By this time, Kuwabara was also intrigued as drunken as he was. "Why's that?" he asked bluntly.

Keiko giggled happily. "Well, because they're _together_ now, silly! Can't you see that?" she replied.

Kuwabara and Botan both stared at me and Kurama in shock. Yukina was already sleeping soundly in her bag and I didn't even want to see how Hiei was reacting. The plan was for us to reveal our relationship but certainly not like this. I suppose it was better than me doing the talking, though.

"You dimwits. They're not together."

I looked at Hiei in surprise. He looked indignantly at the others with his arms crossed. And suddenly, I felt an arm make its way around my shoulders.

"I beg to differ, Hiei. Keiko is quite right."

I turned my head around to see Kurama gazing at Hiei quite sharply. I blinked. Man, this guy really was good at lying. He put me to an absolute shame. I faced Hiei again and smiled slightly as I relaxed into Kurama's hold.

Hiei narrowed his eyes before snorting. "Kurama. You can drop the act now. You and Yusuke have had your fun I would say," he said offhandedly, though I could sense an undercurrent of doubt in his words.

Kurama's grip on me tightened and I felt him lean in closer to me. "Play along, Yusuke," I felt him whisper into my neck. Goosebumps played along my skin as I forced myself to look at him.

"What do you have in mind?"

His gaze on me softened as he moved closer to me. I knew what was going to happen of course. In fact, we had all but planned on doing this if the others didn't believe us. But even though I saw it coming, I still wasn't prepared for the emotions it would stir inside me. Kurama's lips were soft and warm, almost tantalizingly so. I didn't even had to pretend anymore. I had heard stories about his former days as Youko Kurama but I never expected to experience them for myself. I felt elated and I almost didn't want it to end. However, the rational side of me won over. This isn't real, my mind told me. And I pulled away slowly, opening my eyes to look at Kurama. I licked my chapped lips and smirked lightly.

"I thought we agreed not to put on a show, Kurama," I said just loud enough for everyone else to hear.

Kurama stared back at me for a moment, not saying anything. Then just as quickly, his normal self was back. "You know I can't resist having a little fun," he replied softly, with a hint of mischief in his tone. He then looked at Hiei and surprised me with the fierceness in his eyes. "And now, Hiei, I think you owe us an apology."

Kurama draped his arm possessively over me and I couldn't help but redden slightly at our closeness. I looked back at Hiei and saw him staring at us with steely eyes. His expression was impassive and I took that as a good sign. It meant he was stunned. Well, Kurama certainly did know how to pull an act. My heart dropped at this. An act, my mind said. Don't go and rush blindly into something that isn't real, Yusuke. Of course, by that time it was already too late. I was in too deep and I knew it. But Kurama wanted Hiei, not me. It seemed I was destined to be alone. That didn't keep me from helping Kurama, though. He at least deserved happiness.

"So sweet! Why didn't you tell us before?" wailed out Botan as she clasped her hands over her heart.

She and Keiko then began giggling again. Kuwabara was staring at me, his expression a mixture of surprise and confusion.

"So…you guys are…together?" he managed out.

I nodded slowly.

"Okay."

Then without further ado he fainted dead away into his sleeping bag. I cringed slightly. Kuwabara definitely had way too much to drink. He would have one hell of a hangover the next morning. I glanced at Hiei once again and saw him looking slightly calmer. He didn't look at me or Kurama as he went to settle in his sleeping bag. Keiko and Botan were already dead asleep in their bags. I glanced at Kurama and smiled softly at him.

"Show's over for now," I whispered.

He stared at me for a long moment before nodding. "It would seem so," he replied before he went into his bag.

I moved into mine and just as I was reaching over to turn off the light, Hiei spoke.

"I hope you two are happy."

To anyone else it would have sounded like Hiei didn't care. But in reality, his tone was strained and there was an uncharacteristic note of pain in his words. I looked at him and forced down my sympathy as I smiled brightly.

"Happy? Come on, Hiei. You know me. Who could be happy with me?" I replied humorously.

I felt Kurama's arm snake around my waist, pulling me down to the floor. "Be quiet, Yusuke, and sleep," he chastised lightly. I managed to catch one last glimpse of Hiei's face before I lied down completely. It was one of loss.

I couldn't sleep much that night. Though Kurama and I were in separated sleeping bags, we were still dangerously close to each other—close enough in fact for Kurama to place an arm around me protectively—something I'm still not sure whether it came out of instinct or to further our masquerade. A few hours passed and I still hadn't fallen asleep. I could hear the even breathing of everyone around me, though, and I knew they were all asleep. I turned over and faced Kurama. He breathed softly on me and I watched as several strands of hair fell into his face. I wiped them away gently, touching his cheek briefly.

"Soon…you'll have what you love," I murmured to him.

He only stirred a little and tightened his hold around my waist. I smiled slightly. Soon Kurama would leave me to be with Hiei and all would be right with the world. I could go on being the spirited person I was without any attachments. And as appealing as I tried to make that idea sound, it did little to soothe the pain in my heart.

* * *

TBC

They kissed. :D This chapter is officially my favorite out of all the previous ones. Yusuke came out a bit more contemplative and serious, but for once I don't mind. And now I feel so bad for putting him through this:( I really do have a bleeding heart, honestly. Well, review if you may!


	8. Death's Surprise

* * *

**.Eight.**

The next morning could be described as chaotic. Or possibly, horrendous. Actually, now that I think back on it, it was really a mixture of the two. When I had woken up, behold my surprise when I saw that Kurama was actually watching me. Before I could even say anything to him a snap was sounded above me. I turned around and saw Botan winking at me, a camera in her hands. My jaw dropped.

"What the…?"

"That was so sweet. Yusuke waking up to look upon his lover's eyes!" exclaimed Botan dramatically, her eyes growing misty. "Oh, you can't beat the power of love."

I narrowed my eyes. "What in the world are you rambling about?" I asked.

Suddenly, she put a finger to her lips and gestured to the side. I glanced over and saw that everyone else was still sleeping soundly. Somehow or another Kuwabara made his way to Yukina's side and was now sleeping facing her. I stifled my laughter. Oh yeah, he'd be dead if Hiei caught him.

"Everyone's still sleeping. Don't be so loud!"

I glared at Botan. Why was she even so lively at this time of the day? I looked over at Kurama and saw that he had closed his eyes and appeared to be sleeping again. Good idea.

"Well, while you go and take your nice little pictures, I'm going back to sleep," I muttered to Botan as I crept under my sleeping bag.

I didn't know whether she said something or not because right when I closed my eyes, my mind drifted off once again. Staying up half the night staring at Kurama was taking its toll and I clonked out within a few seconds. There were no nightmares plaguing my mind this time round and the only reason why I woke up so soon after was because someone was screaming. Loudly. Above my head. In an absolutely annoying pitch. Kuwabara.

"U-Urameshi and Kurama! Wait…I think I remember this from last night… But…_them_? And—"

His outburst was soon brought to a halt by a strange strangling noise. When I glanced over, I saw his hand covering his mouth before he bolted up the stairs—to the bathroom, probably. I chuckled soundlessly and propped an elbow under my head amusedly.

"He's always too hasty," I commented dryly as Botan looked at me.

She folded her arms crossly. "Yusuke, I don't find this very funny. Kuwabara looked utterly appalled. Aren't you worried…?" she asked before I waved her off carelessly.

"He's just surprised that it's _me_ and Kurama. I'll bet that a majority of you was thinking that it would be Hiei and Kurama, right?" I retorted smartly.

Botan stared at me with distressed eyes. "Well…yes…I mean…," she drawled on confusedly.

"Don't worry. I wasn't expecting it either."

Half of me was laughing. It was wrong of me to tease Botan like this, but I couldn't help it. I watched her as she played around with her words before she finally pointed a finger at me accusingly.

"Urameshi Yusuke, you are worth more trouble than good!"

I smiled wryly. "I know. Tell me something else I don't," I replied calmly. Like I didn't know I was trouble? Hell, it's bad enough when you're a troublemaker, but it's even worse when you're a troublemaker whom trouble loves coming to. And that was me. I sighed wearily. Maybe that was why I wasn't meant for lasting relationships.

"I think the trouble makes you all the more desirable," came a calm tone.

I froze for a second as chills played along my neck when Kurama reached over and placed his chin on my shoulder playfully. I could feel his eyes on me as he spoke and did all I could from melting right then and there.

"How long have you two been going out?" inquired Botan.

I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief as Kurama turned his gaze on her. He still remained on my shoulder, though. "Just a few weeks," he answered simply. I bit my lip and tried not to laugh. Sometimes Kurama could be both the most enigmatic and most hilarious person I knew.

"But it feels longer. Right, Yusuke?"

Again his eyes were on me. I finally risked a look at him and saw his emerald eyes boring straight into mine with an intensity that unnerved me slightly. Then before I could open my mouth, another flash went off. I shut my eyes and growled while clenching my fist. Kurama chuckled lightly at me.

"Exactly how many pictures are you going to waste, Botan?"

"It's not wasting, Yusuke! And I bet that you haven't taken a single picture with each other since you started going out so consider it a favor!"

I blinked in mild surprise.

"Be sure to give us copies then," quipped Kurama.

Botan beamed at him. "Of course! I told you these pictures were for you! Besides, blackmailing is out of the question now that everyone knows," she replied, a bit of disappointment in her tone. She then shrugged cheerfully and left the room.

I glowered at her departing form. Why were women so devious?

"I'll be leaving now."

I turned around in absolute shock before my eyes fell on Hiei, who had folded up his sleeping bag and changed back to his own clothes. I frowned slightly at the coldness in his tone. True, Hiei was always cold but this time it sounded _hostile_. I shuddered at the thought of him being one of my enemies—which if I was, I'd probably be dead by now.

"Already? You don't even want to see Kuwabara open his presents whenever he finally decides to come down from the bathroom?" queried Kurama. He had sat up from his former position and I found myself wondering slightly at the sudden absence of weight on my shoulder.

Hiei snorted. "I don't care about his stupid presents," he replied nonchalantly before turning his dark eyes on me for a second. I stared back at him evenly, but couldn't read a single thing in his expression. Then without a good-bye, he vanished from the room altogether. Not a millisecond later we heard the front door swinging slowly from the breeze outside.

I narrowed my eyes and looked at Kurama. "I think he hates me," I stated uncertainly.

The redhead looked at me curiously. "He doesn't," he reassured.

"But now it's obvious that he wants you, right? So we can stop the charade," I pointed out, a bit too excitedly. To be honest, I didn't want to stay with Kurama longer than was necessary. I could barely deal with the pain now. Extending the time would only make it harder.

For a second, a glimmer of surprise crossed Kurama's eyes before disappearing underneath pools of calm green. He smiled slightly at me. "The purpose was to see how far he would go for me. I don't know that answer yet," he said.

I forced myself to laugh. "Oh, so you mean you want to see whether or not he'll fight for you," I reasoned out.

"I couldn't have said it better."

Idiot. Of course he would fight for Kurama. I didn't know how the kitsune couldn't see that. I shook my head at him. "You know, you're not as smart as I thought you were," I said, a bit of my old taunting self leaking through.

Kurama arched a slim eyebrow at me. I laughed.

"Boys!"

I looked up and saw Botan entering the room again. "Wake up Yukina and Keiko for me will you? I think Kuwabara's almost done with the bathroom so he can open his gifts soon and—where's Hiei?" she inquired, sharply turning around in bewilderment at the missing youkai.

"You know Hiei. He's not into these types of things," I replied.

Botan pursed her lips. "Hmph. What a rude youkai," she grumbled as she headed up the stairs. "I'm going to get Shizuru."

The next few minutes were spent trying to wake up Keiko and Yukina. Originally, I handled Keiko but when she smacked me with her hand, I decided to switch with Kurama. Needless to say, Yukina was much more refined in manner and woke up with a dazed expression on her face. I grinned brightly at her.

"Rise and shine, my favorite koorime!"

I only briefly wondered to myself where that had come from.

"What happened?" asked Yukina as she yawned, politely covering her mouth. I smiled charmingly.

"Nothing much. Oh, but you did miss the announcement Kurama and I made on our newfound relationship," I replied whimsically.

She stared at me dumbfoundedly.

"Yusuke, you really have to stop dropping those bombs on people," remarked Kurama from behind me.

When Yukina continued staring at me like I had grown two heads and a scaly tail, I finally held both my hands up apologetically at her. "Sorry, sorry! But it is true," I said, trying to get some other kind of reaction from her.

She then slowly began to nod. "I understand. It just surprised me. But I'm happy for the both of you," she replied, smiling encouragingly at me and Kurama.

By then the only thought in my head was this: Yukina could handle being drunk pretty well. She must have slept everything off. Or maybe her body reacted to alcohol differently. I could only wonder.

"Come on, Kuwabara! You have to open your presents!"

I looked up for a second to see Botan pushing Kuwabara down the stairs. He still looked distinctly grey in the face and wobbled slightly as he went down the steps. I smirked knowingly.

"In three, two, one," I counted down before Kuwabara tripped on his own feet and toppled down the stairs clumsily. He landed on the floor in a heap and looking quite stunned. All the girls cried out in concern. I laughed. "Don't worry. A little fall like that isn't going to hurt him."

And not a minute later Kuwabara was on his feet as soon as Yukina touched him.

"Oh, Yukina! I'm fine really! I just wasn't paying too much attention you know…"

I shook my head wearily. Leave it to Yukina to snap Kuwabara out of his hangover.

"Hey, little brother! Stop wasting time and open your damn gifts. I want some more sleep!" called out Shizuru from above. She stood about halfway into the staircase with her hair mussed and pajamas wrinkled.

Kuwabara glared indignantly at her. "All right, all right! Gee, you would think since their my gifts you could be a little more patient and let the opener decide when _he_ wants to unwrap them!" he exclaimed bitterly as he made his way to the presents on the other side of the room. There were nine gifts altogether piled neatly on top of each other in different sizes and wrapping paper. Amazingly enough, Genkai and Koenma had bestowed their own presents even though they didn't come. I was curious as to what they gave him.

"Okay, first one up is from…Keiko! Gee, thanks!" he said as he picked up the first package. It was relatively flat and decked out in wrapping paper that adorned kittens wearing birthday party hats and signs. Kuwabara was almost reverently peeling off the paper before coming face to face with a plain paperboard box. He opened it slowly and his eyes lit up. "It's…!"

_Beep. Beep._

Time seemed to stop for a moment before Botan suddenly jumped and took out the communicator she usually held in her pocket. She snapped it open and Koenma's face beamed in from the small screen.

"_Koenma_! Kuwabara was just about to open his present!" exclaimed Botan annoyingly.

The toddler's eyes wrinkled slightly. "Oh? Did he open mine yet?" he inquired.

"We just started."

"Well, in that case I can tell you my news then."

Kuwabara raised his fist angrily and took the compact case from Botan's hands. "Hey, come on! Can't you show a little consideration when it's a guy's birthday!" he yelled.

I sighed and shook my head. Kurama was smiling. Koenma wasn't. I frowned deeply at this.

"What is it?" I asked worriedly. As a rule of thumb when Koenma didn't even have a smirk on his face then that usually meant trouble for us.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your fun but we have some business to deal with first. I have a mission for all of you."

* * *

TBC

Okay, first things first. Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I love you all. :D And to answer some questions, yes, the story is being told from Yusuke's POV. As of right now, everything has happened already and Yusuke is merely recollecting the events. I originally said I would switch to Kurama's POV but I'm not doing that anymore. It would ruin the effect of the story so it'll be in Yusuke's perspective until the very end. And I just realized now how bad I am at explaining. Okay. Never mind. It'll become clear soon enough.

Cliffhangers…I haven't done these in a while. I kind of missed them. :P I won't leave you hanging too long, though. Or at least I'll try not to. But would you believe it? I finally know where I'm going with this fic! I apologize for the shortness of this chapter, too. But I promise the next part will make up for it. That's where all the action is going to take place. ;) Anyhow, please review, my lovely darlings!


	9. Mission: Psychics

* * *

**.Nine.**

It was supposed to be a simple mission. Sure, it involved a few maniacal psychics who were obsessed with death, but it wasn't supposed to be _difficult_. In the end, the mission probably taught me a lot more about myself than I cared to know. It also revealed another side of me that I didn't care to show anyone—even Kurama, whom I had grown closer with the past weeks that I played his false lover.

The mission called for the entire Urameshi Team. Koenma had been brief about the details but they were this: a small cult in the Ningenkai had found out about the Reikai and was currently trying to make their way into the spirit realm. The cult was made up of a circle of teenagers, all blessed with psychic gifts. The only problem was that their cult specialized in ceremonies of death. The kids worshipped death for one reason or another and wanted nothing more than to find out what was beyond the normal sphere of the Ningenkai. Koenma had disregarded them entirely considering they had never done anything worth worrying over.

But of course, they did eventually catch his eye. They had performed some kind of ritual where their strongest telepathic, Ryo, sealed their minds away into oblivion. It was similar to dying except it was only the mind that was dead. Koenma didn't know whether or not the boy knew what he was doing but when he had released that powerful psychic wave, everyone in the Reikai felt it. And apparently, in addition with sealing his friends' minds, he had separated their spirits from their bodies, allowing them to wonder freely into the Reikai to cause whatever havoc they wanted.

When I first heard the story, my first thought was, _These damn punks are the stupidest people in the world._ Those punks turned out to be one hell of a curse, though. When Koenma had gotten his hands on Ryo, who was overlooking his friends' bodies, he immediately asked him to reverse whatever it was he had done. However, even Ryo himself didn't know what he did and therefore, couldn't bring back his friends' minds. That left us to go and seek out the individual spirits wondering the plains of the Reikai to forcefully capture them and return them to their bodies manually. And there were twelve of them and only four of us.

It was a real shitty experience.

We had gone our separate paths to find the missing cult members and in general, they were strong. Many were either telekinetics or telepathics. There were a precogs and only one post-precog. I had to deal with these guys. It was bad enough that they were spirits and that I couldn't touch them, but in addition with their abilities, they were a wicked pair. I only had small five spheres Koenma had handed to us as my weapon to capture them. But once I wasted one, it was gone. And being that I went up with a future reading psychic, he proved to be one hell of a challenge.

I won't go into full detail on what happened but obviously, I captured him. But right before I did, he revealed to me a vision he had seen of Kurama. His words were haunting and his eyes were strangely glazed over as he spoke.

"Before this is over the silver fox will fall once and never rise again," he said in a whispered tone before smiling crazily. "I will be avenged by my friend."

Then I promptly sealed him into a sphere, making a promise to myself to maul his body a bit before returning him to it. And even sooner after that I made a wild dash to wherever Kurama was. His energy trace was not far and a part of me couldn't help but wonder if the kid had been bluffing. But I wasn't one for taking these kinds of risks.

The different realms of the Reikai swept past me as I ran. I hated worrying. But I especially hated worrying over my friends. Kurama was smart. He was also one hell of a fighter, but that didn't mean something couldn't happen to him, right? Everyone meets his or her match eventually. But let Enma curse me to damnation before I give up on a friend. I narrowed my eyes at this thought and honed in on all of my senses. Kurama's signature was nearing, but so was another. I turned my head to the right slightly before a second figure landed beside me.

"Damn, Urameshi, why the big rush?"

I frowned to myself. Where was Hiei? "I think Kurama may be in trouble if we don't go to him," I said absentmindedly as I tried to locate our ever-cheerful three-eyed youkai.

"What? Where'd you here that from?"

I looked at him seriously. "One of my captives was a precog," I murmured back before speeding up my pace. Damn Koenma. He could have at least given us some sort of teleportation device.

"You're really serious about this aren't you?"

"What?"

My head spun around abruptly to meet with Kuwabara's calm gaze. He merely grinned at me.

"You know, the whole 'you and Kurama.' I thought you guys might have just been goofing off, but now… You really care about him, huh?" he explained, staring at me curiously.

It's times like these I had to wonder whether Kuwabara really wasn't as thickheaded as he appeared. I thought to myself for a moment about his words before shrugging. "I guess so," I admitted quietly. It was strange to say how I felt aloud. I seldom said anything I meant aloud unless it was to back someone up. Now I just felt too different. Like the person speaking wasn't me.

"Heh. Well, that's cool. I knew you'd eventually find someone like me with Yukina!"

I didn't even bother to rebuke Kuwabara for his stupidity. Instead, I took in what he said and nodded silently. Kuwabara loved Yukina. It was sincere and it was everlasting even if he did have somewhat childish methods of showing it. I didn't know whether I _loved_ Kurama, but I knew I had feelings for him that ran deep. Keiko I loved. But after her, I don't think I allowed my heart to open up fully to anyone. Kurama was the one exception who had almost succeeded in breaking my shields. I didn't want to lose him. Not to this threat or Hiei. But inevitability always made its presence known at some point. And I had the inevitable fate to be alone.

We approached a clearing. The Reikai was not a solid realm. It was made up of all sorts of different levels with varying worlds. There were the deep, fiery pits where those who had led misguided lives served their punishments, and the higher, purer realms where those who deserved its warmth went. Then there were the in-between worlds. The souls there were the ones who chose neither to go down or up. They were the contradictive ones, the lost ones, and those seeking answers. Kuwabara and I were nearing one of those middle plains now. Souls lingered about us, staring at us inquiringly but not saying anything. They chose instead to follow us silently. It was of no consequence to us.

"These guys creep me out," muttered Kuwabara under his breath as we landed on the soft ground. The area around us appeared to be like a rural mountainside. There were cliffs in the horizon and the sky was a faded blue-grey.

I nodded faintly and eyed one of the spirits near me. "You would think if they're so curious, they would just ask some questions instead of following us like a bunch of stalkers," I said in a loud tone. Some of the spirits dissipated embarrassingly. I smirked slightly.

"Well, it has been a while since such a ruckus was caused in the Reikai."

Both Kuwabara and I spun around wildly to look upon a semi-transparent sprit smiling toothily at us. The apparition had died young. He looked no older than twenty and carried a pleasant aura about him despite being a ghost.

"And how long have you been here?" I asked.

He smiled at me again. "Long enough," he replied as he began to drift away. "Oh, and there were two other fleshies fighting up in the distance if that was why you came. Their opponents were most interesting."

With that, he vanished altogether. I stared at the empty space in confusion before grabbing Kuwabara's arm. "You heard him. Let's go!" I exclaimed loudly as I began running.

Kuwabara managed a small growl as he wretched his arm out of my grasp. "I'm coming already, damn," he complained irritably, though I could sense some worry in his eyes.

When we came upon an empty field, we quickly found our targets. There was Hiei and Kurama fight side by side against three young men. I narrowed my eyes at the scene. It seemed like they were the remaining telekinetics. The third one, however, remained at a distance. I bit my lip at this. Koenma had warned us about him. His name was Ogawa Shin, a mind controller. He was the one we would have to worry about the most.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go help them!" exclaimed Kuwabara before he began running towards them. I reacted too late. And before I knew it, Kuwabara was snatched in one of the telekinetic's grip and flung against the cliff. I cringed and ran to him.

"Are you fucking retarded? We can't just rush in like that—they'll kill us on sight!" I scolded loudly as I stood him up. He remained quiet and I knew it was more his pride that was injured than anything else.

I had originally wanted to sneak by them unnoticed and knock out their mind controller. But now that the telekinetics knew Kuwabara and I were there, they immediately went to guard their friend. Hiei and Kurama stood wary on the outside as neither side made a move. I sighed wearily and shook my head. We were in one great pickle no doubt about that.

"You've captured all our friends. Let them go," demanded one of the telekinetics. He had dark brown hair and small eyes. Freckles decorated his nose and cheeks. "You can't make us leave this place. We've spent our entire lives searching for it."

Impulse took over me as I walked towards him slowly. "Your entire lives? Kid, you're barely even my age. You haven't lived your entire life yet. Don't go seeking for death so desperately when it obviously doesn't want you," I said darkly.

The telekinetic smiled sourly at me. "We never said we _wanted_ death. We just wanted to know what was beyond our world—the human world. And now we've found it. Nothing you say or do can make us return. We have nothing back there. Everything is here," he replied before narrowing his eyes at me. "Now give us back our friends and leave us alone!"

Suddenly I felt an unbelievable force pushing me back. I flew several feet before landing in a painful heap on the ground with Kuwabara staring at me somewhat smugly.

"And you told me not to rush into things," he muttered under his breath as he pulled me up.

I rolled my eyes and looked back at where the others were. The only advantage we had was our speed. If we moved quick enough they wouldn't see us. But the telekinetics no doubt had some kind of shield protecting them. I hated working with psychics.

Kurama and Hiei then made their way to us. It was obvious they were at a loss as well. I cursed to myself. If our two strategists couldn't come up with anything then what were we going to do? We had to find some way to distract them. It was then that the idea of holding up their friends came to me. But that was a stupid idea—and not to mention really dishonorable. I growled to myself in frustration as I ran a hand through my hair. It was starting to come out of its gelled state due to all the running I did. I narrowed my eyes at the remaining three psychics.

"What do we do now? These guys are the toughest of the entire lot. And they got that mind controller, Shin, with them. He could just up and decide to join the fight whenever he wants to," complained Kuwabara.

I raised my head at his words. "But why hasn't he done so already?" I inquired.

"Because it requires a massive amount of mental energy. And he can only control one person at a time. I imagine he is watching us right now and debating which one of us to go after," replied Kurama calmly. "Then he can go and use that person against us."

"Fuck," I cursed as I clenched my fists.

"They also won't take the spheres which holds their friends because they don't know how to release the seals. If they tried to take it by force, they'll only end up killing their friends instead. Only a Reikai Tantei has the authority to be in possession of them," continued Kurama.

I blinked at this. "You serious? Damn, I never knew Koenma could be so crafty," I remarked, crossing my arms. "But that still leaves us with a very troublesome mind controller as his overprotective telekinetic guards."

"And they all have shields protecting them from any harm. It's automatic as well. As soon as any one of us disappears with their knowing, the shield goes up. Hiei and I have tried to spot a weakness in it but so far nothing has come up."

I stared at Kurama for a moment. He was in what I liked to call "serious, strategic mode." His eyes glittered brightly and there was nothing in his demeanor that denoted him fooling around. I was, of course, used to his change in moods, but it never ceased to amaze me how cool and collected he could be in situations like these. I scratched my head before looking at the psychics.

"Then I say we charge straight in without giving them a warning. You said the shield automatically goes up when they notice one of us has disappeared, right? So shout insults when you attack them—make them not realize one of us is not there. I think Hiei should be the one to go attack the mind controller since he's the fastest," I said slowly. "Of course…then the mind controller will probably realize something is up since he's watching us so intensely right now."

"Can't one of us just pretend to leave and then sneak up behind them?" inquired Kuwabara.

Kurama smiled ruefully. "I forgot to mention that they sealed off the entire area. Once you guys entered, the wall was placed permanently to not allow anyone else to come in or anyone inside to leave," he answered.

I shook my head. "Damn. I hate it when the opponents are smart," I muttered to myself.

"But I think Yusuke's idea is the best we have thus far. I say we give it a shot."

I looked at Kurama with some surprise. He smiled gently at me. I grinned slight at him. "So you're up for the whole insulting thing? All right, Kurama!" I exclaimed with a raised fist.

"Well, I wouldn't go too far with the insulting…"

"Gee, you're no fun," I remarked as I stretched out my arms. I threw a wicked glance at Kuwabara. "You ready for this?"

He merely nodded, a crazed look in his eyes. "Yeah, let's go show those damn psychics not to mess around with us!" he shouted.

I smiled at his excitement. And soon he, Kurama, and I were off. Hiei followed behind us a bit more slowly, masking his presence within the shadows but still making an appearance here and there so they would not raise their shields. I approached one of the telekinetics head on with a smirk on my face.

"What's this? Too cowardly to fight us? I bet if you didn't have your psychic abilities you wouldn't have stood a chance against us," I taunted.

He glared hard at me, his face growing red from his building anger. I narrowed my eyes. Just one more push… "Actually, let me correct that. If it weren't for your psychic abilities, you'd just be normal kids who like causing trouble—I wouldn't even bother wasting my time on you," I added while crossing my arms imperiously.

"You shut up!"

I braced myself for the wave he launched at me. And sure enough, within a few seconds I found myself sprawled on my back a few yards off. The force was amazing. But it wasn't enough to hurt me just yet. I stood up slowly and glanced quickly around the landscape to see both Kurama and Kuwabara dealing with the remaining telekinetic and mind controller. Kuwabara was having one hell of a time with his opponent, which was good. Judging by his face, Kuwabara must have said some really bad things. I snickered to myself. Go Kuwabara. You could always count on him to go overboard. Kurama was talking calmly with the mind controller and I could see Hiei lingering by his side. All of the focus was on Kurama, though. Hiei could make his move soon. I grinned triumphantly.

I waved my arm to get my opponent's attention. We were further off from the others, but that was fine with me. The farther away we were, the better chance I had at keeping him focused on just myself.

"So…you want to dance?" I asked, tilting my head to the side. I then took out the two spheres I had that held his friends captive and smiled mischievously at him. "Be careful, though, I wouldn't want to drop these somewhere unsafe."

It felt strange to be talking like this. For once I felt like the villain. Of course I wasn't going to do anything with the spheres, but just mentioning it made me feel uncomfortable. The psychic didn't say anything, but I could tell from the trembling in his body that he was more than angry now. He was "fucking pissed off" for lack of better words. I frowned slightly. This time I wasn't going to let him get the best of me. His attacks were invisible, but I could feel it in the air and could tell what direction it came from if I concentrated hard enough. So I closed my eyes and allowed my other senses to take over as he attacked.

A slow ripple of energy alerted me from the right and I quickly jumped high to avoid it before somersaulting to land in front of him. I grabbed his arm and quickly took out a sphere from my pocket as he stared at me incredulously.

"My friend, you should know by now that all fun comes to an end eventually," I said brightly as I sealed him away into the sphere.

Once he was gone, I wiped my forehead in relief. Fighting demons was one thing, but these guys were just kids. I shook my head and looked over in Kuwabara's direction before frowning deeply. He was in the middle of the air, struggling hard as if he was caught in some kind of invisible net. His opponent was standing before him, a maniacal glint in his eyes as he raised a crushing fist at him. Kuwabara shouted out in pain.

I then decided to cut in.

"It's one thing to hurt people, but to _enjoy_ it makes me feel sick," I muttered into the telekinetic's ear as I moved in fast behind him. I took out another sphere and sealed him in without pausing. He barely had the chance to even look at me before he was sucked into the container. Kuwabara then immediately fell from the air and landed in a tangled heap before me. I placed my hands on my hips and glared at him. "What are you, stupid? How did you end up getting caught by that guy? I thought you would be smart enough to be able to avoid his attacks!"

Kuwabara stood up and clenched a fist at me. "Hey, it wasn't my fault! I just didn't want to hurt him all that badly since he was human and stuff, but I didn't expect him to be that strong, okay?" he screamed out at me.

I was about to speak again before I was interrupted by something.

"Damn, look out!"

Kuwabara had managed to shout that warning before I felt a heavy blow land on the back of my head. I stumbled to the ground rather gracelessly in confusion.

"Yusuke, are you all right?" cried out Kuwabara.

"Yeah," I said—or tried to say. But when I opened my mouth, no words came. I looked up around me and saw darkness. Then in front of me, in a blurry image, was Kuwabara's face as he stared at me in concern. I tried to speak again. But instead, I heard someone else answer for me. It was my voice yet it was not what I had wanted to say. Nonetheless, Kuwabara looked relieved.

"Man, and you always tell me I don't pay attention to things around me, right?"

"You don't," replied that dead voice. I then watched in horror as _my_ hand reached out to strike Kuwabara down.

_What the hell is going on? _I shook my head and tried to turn away from the images before me.

**_What do you think? I have control over you now, detective…_**

_You…the mind controller!_ I looked up and saw the images change from that of the unconscious Kuwabara to Hiei, Kurama, and the mind controller a few yards away. I then felt my body run towards them. I shuddered involuntarily. _What…dammit, why can't I stop!_

**_I told you I have control over you now. You are nothing but the subconscious mind that cannot do anything but watch—watch and feel. Your friends have no idea what I have done. Look at how they greet you now…_**

And I did. Kurama smiled slightly at me before asking what had happened to Kuwabara. Hiei merely grunted at me. Then I felt myself answer Kurama's question. "He had some trouble with the psychic," I said, deadpanned. Kurama frowned slightly at me.

"Are you all right, Yusuke?"

_Get away, Kurama. Get away now! _He was then struck down by me and I could feel his bones crush under my fist. I cringed away in pain. _You sick bastard…_ Hiei was next. He looked at me in suspicion and confusion before realization hit his face. _Come on, Hiei, don't just stand there and stare at me. _My warnings, of course, fell upon dead ears.

_Why are you doing this? _

**_My friends and I have dedicated our lives to reaching the world beyond the normal human being's scope. And now we have. You think I would really let you and your friends stop what we have worked so hard for?_**

_Your friends are gone! They're in our hands now. _I watched as my body began to fight with Hiei. I could feel everything almost as if I was the one fighting, but I had no control over anything. I was only the observer. And when Hiei landed a heavy blow on me, I felt it. But unlike him, my body wasn't refraining from using its full power. _Stop this now. You're not going to accomplish anything by having us fight each other. Hiei's a lot stronger than you think._

**_Oh? Then perhaps I should switch my control over to him._**

_Don't. _

**_Afraid? Don't worry. When you kill your friends, I'll have you kill yourself. Then everyone will be happy._**

_You'll be jeopardizing your own friends' lives then!_

**_We all knew the risks of achieving our goals. My friends have caught a glimpse of this world already. They are happy. _**

_You would leave them to die… _I felt anger building up within me and I tried to lash out at something—anything. But laughter only greeted me.

**_Look, you have already taken out the one you call Hiei. I think I was very right in choosing you as my puppet._**

I chanced a glance at the scene before me. Hiei was lying in a bloody heap, barely even conscious as he stared at me.

"What have you done to him?" he asked in a pained tone. I felt anger prickling me.

**_I can have you fight even if every bone in your body was broken. Then if I did relinquish my control over your mind, you would feel the pain tenfold. That alone would be enough to kill you. But I'm not through with your friends just yet. The redheaded one is still standing. _**A laugh echoed all around me. **_Look at how he stares at you. Is that bewilderment or fear? I can't really tell._**

It was me against Kurama now. I could feel power wash over around my body as it anticipated a fight. Kurama just continued staring at me with unreadable eyes. A deep fear welled up within me. _Not Kurama… Not Kurama! _I buried my head into my arms. This couldn't be happening… But I knew it was. I could feel my body move against my will—controlled by some sick bastard. I heard Kurama's anguished cry and I felt his bones break beneath my attacks. The sickening crack echoed all around me and I couldn't bring myself to look up to see Kurama's face—his eyes that would probably show confused pain. I could hear him try to call out to me. _It's not enough. I can't break his control…Kurama, I'm so sorry._

**_He seems special to you._**

The mind controller's voice suddenly sounded clearer. I looked around me and saw him standing before me in a semi-transparent image. _What the hell happened to you that would make you so obsessed with death? _I was bitter. I was angry. I was beyond all reason. And seeing the one causing all this pain right in front me only made it worse.

**_We have all lost everything. There is nothing back in the human world for us. Everything is here._**

He looked sadly at me. I glared hard at him. _You think you've lost everything? How stupid can you get? I died once a while ago. Back then I thought my life had no reason. I was just your normal high school delinquent. But when I died, I got to see the pained faces of those close to me—my mother, my best friend, even that dumb Kuwabara who I never thought actually cared for me. And I realized then just how stupid I was. So if you think you've lost everything, I suggest you look twice before coming up with such a shitty conclusion. _

**_You died…?_**

And before I knew it, everything went white. Several moments passed before I began to hear someone calling me. I opened my eyes slowly before realizing that _I_ had control of my body once again. Kuwabara was leaning over me.

"Urameshi? It is you, right?" he asked cautiously.

I managed a small smile. "Yeah," I croaked out before grimacing in pain. I looked at my body and saw a score of bruises and cuts decorating my arms and legs. And I was pretty sure some of my ribs had been broken as well. The mind controller was right. I did feel the pain tenfold compared to before when I was trapped in my own mind.

Suddenly I grabbed Kuwabara's by the arm. "Where's Hiei and…Kurama?" I asked unsteadily.

Kuwabara shot me a weird look and I quickly looked ahead of me. Hiei was conscious again and he was attending to, from what I could tell, an unconscious Kurama. I saw blood around him and slowly shook my head.

"No," I moaned deeply. Kuwabara held me up.

"I managed to take out that psychic while you and Kurama were fighting. He didn't notice me at all. And when I captured him, you sort of just collapsed right before you were about to…"

He suddenly paused. I looked at him. "What? What was I going to do?" I asked warily.

Kuwabara looked at me carefully. "You were about to fire your Rei-Gun at point blank range. Kurama was unconscious already. You would have killed him," he answered slowly and regretfully.

"Oh God…"

I felt bile rising up from within me before I held it down, biting down hard on my bottom lip. I looked at the ground in a daze. All these years trying to protect my friends from harm—and I was just about to kill one of them. The irony in that was too much for me to handle. I wanted to see him. I wanted to see Kurama badly. But when I looked up, Hiei was already standing before me, supporting Kurama, who was leaning heavily on him. I could see how badly both of them were injured—much worse than myself. I looked at Hiei. He stared at me impassively, his eyes glittering coldly in the dim light.

"Stay away from him, Yusuke," he warned me in a low tone before both he and Kurama disappeared altogether. He left behind the spheres that held the captured psychics and I crumpled to the ground in despair.

* * *

TBC

Sorry for the delay, but goddamn, I didn't expect this chapter to take so long—nor be _so_ long. I'm a bit miffed at how the part where Yusuke is taken in control came out, but oh wells. A majority of it was written today while listening to "Push The Limits" by Enigma repeatedly so maybe that's the reason. Ah, this was a ridiculously long part. Not what I had expected, though. Arrg. But at least I got the ending the way I wanted to.


	10. When It Rains, It Pours

* * *

**.Ten.**

It was an ugly day following our mission. The skies were grey and thunder rumbled in the distance. I was buried under my bed sheets, long having grown immune to my mother's screams of disapproval. I didn't give a damn about schoolwork or facing anyone for that matter. I wanted to stay hidden forever.

But of course, when did I ever get what I want?

It was about halfway past noon when I decided to drag myself out of bed. When I looked in the mirror, I was a wreck. I had barely gotten any sleep the night before from nightmares and my arms and shoulders were decorated by a score of bruises and bumps. Thank God mom never saw me like this or else she would have gone into a temper tantrum. These were minor injuries, though. The main thing bugging me was my stomach and head. I was hungry but I really didn't care to eat because the splitting migraine I had. Insomnia was a curse and for someone like me, who usually gets his full night's rest, it was even worse.

How I managed through that day I'll never know, but I do know that somehow I had managed to crawl my way over to Kuwabara's house where I just sacked out on his couch. Oh, he was mad. In fact he was downright pissed off at me for intruding him on his "personal time." He had to study for a test or something like that; I didn't really pay much attention. It was only when he commented on Kurama did my ears perk up. And even then I felt a pain stabbing me in my stomach—guilt, the worst feeling of them all.

"Shizuru called Kurama's mom after I told her everything that happened. She made up the excuse that he was going to stay over here for a few days to help me out with a survey at school."

I praised Shizuru for her oh-so clever mind. We definitely didn't want Shiori to go into panic mode at finding out that the supposedly good friend of her son beat him to near death now would we? I couldn't even smile at my sarcasm. All I wanted was to see Kurama, apologize, maybe let him or Hiei rough me up a bit, and bury my head in the sand again.

"Do you know where he is, Urameshi?"

"Do I look like I know the places Hiei haunts?"

I was bitter and being extremely harsh. Kuwabara stared at me for a moment before shrugging. "Hey, I was just wondering; you don't need to bite my head off," he retorted with more calmness than I expected from him.

I glanced at him before placing my hands over my face. "You saw me didn't you? Or at least some of it? Did you see how…crazy I was?" I inquired. The psychic's face haunted my dreams. In them I was still a prisoner within my own mind and everyone was the victim. It was enough to make me toss and turn all night long helplessly.

"God, will you stop putting yourself down? It wasn't your fault, Yusuke! That crazy ass punk was controlling you. Even Hiei wouldn't have been able to fight him off and he has that weird third eye thing, too!"

You had to smile at Kuwabara's condolence. He was a dimwit but he always spoke straight from the heart. It warmed me up a little to have such a good friend. But blaming myself was one of the things I was best at doing. It's not a healthy habit, and I know that, but I can't stop it. And in this case, I really did feel that I deserved to take the blame.

"You want to go and look for them?"

I hadn't realized my silence during Kuwabara's speech. It was only when he looked at me sharply did I slowly take in what he said. I nearly laughed. Somehow I had managed to get Kuwabara to feel sorry for _me_. It was usually the other way around in our relationship. And this idea just made me grow sadder. Was I that pathetic-looking that even Kuwabara, the oblivious fool that he is, was able to notice and actually sympathize with me? I looked at him and tried to smile, but it didn't quite make it and I instead just nodded wordlessly.

"Hey, sis, we're going out!" he called out as he grabbed his jacket.

"What about that test, Kuwabara?" shouted back Shizuru. I could imagine the cross look on her face.

Kuwabara winked at me. "We're going to look for Hiei and Kurama! I think that's more important than a test, don't you think?" he replied as he dragged me out the door before Shizuru could say anything else.

As I said before it was a dark day. Nothing more could suit my mood. The smell of rain was in the air and I waited in anticipation as Kuwabara and I walked down the streets, trying to locate Hiei and Kurama's signatures. My mind was barely even on the search. I was too busy getting lost in a swirl of painful memories.

_You really are useless, detective. Look how easily I controlled you. Perhaps all that strength really is just physical. But as you can see, in this situation, physical strength is not an advantage. _

I narrowed my eyes and shuddered involuntarily as I dug my hands deeper into my pockets. The same voice of the controller echoed across my head, like some kind of endless taunting. I could barely stand it and just wanted to crash my head into a brick wall a thousand times to drive it away. Kuwabara had walked ahead of me, following on some small lead he received while I lagged behind. The skies had begun to flash lightning and I felt a drop on my head. I looked up and slowed my pace even further to just take in everything I saw. The grey sky, the brief strike of lighting, the rumbling thunder, the cold and stiff air, and the emptiness of the streets. I cherished these things more than anything else during this moment.

I was far from my usual cheery self as you can tell. I seldom ever got this serious and depressed about anything. But it was Kurama. A while ago, if I had done this to Keiko, I probably would have turned into this as well—this crazed, somewhat suicidal persona of Urameshi Yusuke. However, since Kurama has in a way taken the place of Keiko, I was like this now. I hated it and after a lot of recollection, I pray that I never turn into this morbid character ever again. But for that day, and the days following it, I was lost in darkness and nothing could bring me out, not even Kurama—but that's a little later.

Kuwabara had led us to Genkai's temple. I was a bit surprised at how I never assumed to look in this place since it was probably the only place in the Ningenkai where Hiei felt comfortable. It was here that I could sense Hiei's youki, and catch a faint glimmer of Kurama's as well. My heart fell at this.

_It's your fault, detective._

"Stop it," I muttered angrily.

"What?" asked Kuwabara dumbly.

I shook my head and tried to gather my nerves. "Nothing," I murmured back.

Kuwabara raised an eyebrow at me and folded his arms. "Well? Are we going in, huh? We didn't walk around the town for an hour just to go back now, right?" he queried annoyingly.

I focused my eyes on the little temple before walking forward. I felt almost like I was in my dream again, but this time I was definitely in control of my body. I just felt…separated from reality. Kuwabara walked behind me a few paces back, probably since he knew this was more my visit than his. The guy can sometimes surprise you with his sharpness.

As I stepped up the stairs and entered through the doors, a warm and soothing darkness hit me. It was about this time that the sky decided to rain down on me as well. And the droplets of water just washed over my head like a tidal wave. Kuwabara was jumping behind me.

"Get in already, Urameshi! We're getting soaked!" he exclaimed disdainfully before pushing me into the temple.

I numbly stumbled on my feet before regaining my balance. I could see Hiei standing before me, eyes glowing brightly with cold wariness. My own eyes roamed the room and failed to notice any redhead besides Kuwabara behind me. Then I shifted my gaze back on Hiei when he began to talk. His words entered my brain like a slow drawl even though I knew he was speaking normally. I stared at him dumbfoundedly.

"I told you to stay away, Yusuke," he said impassively.

I couldn't respond. I only looked back at him dazedly. "Is he all right?" I asked. The words just fell out of my mouth and I realized then that this what I really cared about. Hiei's wrath may go to hell if I didn't find out about Kurama's condition.

Hiei's eyes darkened yet remained unreadable. I envied this skill of his that he perfected to such a fine point. "You nearly killed him. What do you think?" he replied coldly.

I swallowed a heavy lump in my throat. "Are you all right?" I asked. I didn't know why I questioned Hiei about his health; I knew he was fine. But I had fought against him while I was possessed and a part of me just wanted to make sure that he was okay as well. And it was only after I made this inquiry did I notice the bandages around his arms and under his tank.

_Reap what you sow, detective. You caused this, now deal with the consequences._

I bit my lip as Hiei's scrutiny on me intensified. "I'm of no concern to you," he retorted.

Kuwabara bristled behind me. "Will you people just stop being so goddamn cold to each other! We're all still friends here aren't we! We just want to see Kurama!" he voiced out.

Hiei's eyes flew over to him for a moment. "I never said _you _couldn't, idiot—just Yusuke," he replied.

His words should have stung me, but I expected them. Half of me wanted to fight back, but the other half just felt like scampering away into a dark corner. That half was winning.

_Coward. Weak-minded. How did you ever survive for so long?_

"'Che, you do not deserve him, Yusuke."

I looked at Hiei and he bore his eyes straight into me. A glimmer of emotion flashed across his face—something that I couldn't identify. Hiei is usually never this hard to read, but for some reason I couldn't catch a single idea of what he was thinking that moment. He hid himself perfectly and that shell of his never broke. Mine had already shattered.

"I just wanted…"

_Unworthy of living, that's what you are, detective. What have you done to deserve your title?_

"I just…"

_No wonder your friends are so impatient with you. You're hardly worth anyone's time._

"I'm sorry. You're right. I should just go."

My voice came out as a whisper and I felt the threat of tears in the corners of my eyes. I didn't want to see how Hiei or Kuwabara reacted to my words. Then a brief shuffling of feet was sounded and familiar presence washed over me. I looked up to see Kurama stand by the wall, leaning on it with his hand and staring back at me with those intense, emerald eyes of his. I couldn't stand to be under that gaze anymore.

_Run away, detective. It's what you're best at isn't it?_

"I'm sorry, Kurama. I won't be in your way again," I said hoarsely as I looked back at him one last time before turning around and fleeing from the temple.

I heard Kuwabara's muffled cries and the silence after him. Kurama hadn't said anything—he only looked at me with the same eyes as Hiei—distant and unreadable. I really had made the right choice in leaving then. The rain outside had escalated to a full-blown storm and I welcomed in the torrents that hit my body mercilessly. I ran and ran until I was no longer in the city, but in some quiet and empty countryside. The solitude was welcoming and I embraced it fully.

I finally lied down amidst a field of tall grass and let the water run over me. It was deafening and similar to drowning, save I could I still breathe. I closed my eyes to the lightning-streaked sky and allowed my emotions to run freely. I didn't deserve Kurama. I had known that from the start. I didn't deserve Keiko either, yet she loved me with all her heart for some reason or another. Why did I always hurt those whom I cared for? Was it a curse? Ever since Keiko and I parted ways, I knew I was destined for loneliness. I had tried to fight it, but it seems like I was wrapped up in its course again. Hiei could take much better care of Kurama than I could—hell, he already had. I was just the outsider now. Kurama had what he sought out for. I was no longer needed.

_Weakling. Go away where no one has to be tainted by your filth._

I was ready to finally start listening to the voice inside my head.

* * *

TBC

I'm so wicked. And I'm really getting fond of these cliffhangers. :D Well, the update was sooner this time round due to some sudden inspiration and lovely music. And before anyone goes and tries to kill me, _yes_, this is a Yusuke/Kurama fic even if this chapter may make it seem otherwise. :P

I love angst. And I love writing it on behalf of Yusuke. He's so fun to mess with, but I began to feel a bit sorry for him in this part. There's more to come, too. This story is taking on a more serious note in the next couple of parts. (Yusuke just can't stop beating himself up.)


	11. Life In A Shell

* * *

**.Eleven.**

That week was the hardest week I ever had to go through. Most of the time I spent my time indoors, sitting in my room and staring out the window. Ironically, we also had the worst weather that week. There was barely a single glimpse of sunlight during the day since autumn was approaching and everything just seemed to fuel my dark mood even more.

I believe my mom at that point began to worry. So I had decided to venture out one day to soothe her concerns. It was strange to be in the outside world again. I had confined myself in the house for three straight days and was beginning to grow very accustomed to it. Then all of the sudden I was out again. Some would say it'd be like taking in a breath of fresh air. For me it was like facing a world that had turned against me. My mind was a blank slate and I closed myself off from everyone. I didn't think much about anything. It was like being…dead. I never knew I had the capability to be so dark and empty; it scares me now to think about it.

I remember it was when I was sitting at a park bench that I received a message from Koenma. Usually I hated answering his calls because of that annoying compact case, which made me look utterly ridiculous. But that day, I couldn't have cared less about looking idiotic.

"What?" I asked bluntly into the little communicator.

Koenma's face appeared disgruntled at my rude welcoming, but he nevertheless chose to ignore it. "Yusuke, I have some news about those psychics you dealt with before," he began.

At once, my mind began to close off on everything he said. Psychics. That word brought back too many painful memories. I narrowed my eyes and stared at the tiny screen that held Koenma without actually staring at his face in particular.

_Remember me? I'm not gone yet, detective._

That voice came back once again. I had begun to think that I was seriously cursed. And the funny thing was, it didn't matter to me. I didn't care if my mind was taken over. Nobody would really miss me anyway. Sure, the girls would cry and probably Kuwabara as well, but everyone else would get over it. Especially Kurama. I knew he of all people would learn to adjust without me being around. He wasn't like me in that sense. Moving on for me took a long time—and hardly seemed worth the effort most of the time.

"…residue effects lingering on your mind and—Yusuke! Are you even listening?"

"Sure thing," I replied nonchalantly, not even registering Koenma's words. I looked at him for a moment. "I have some things I need to do right now so I'm going to go, all right?" I said before ending the line. I stared at the compact case before crushing it in my hands. I didn't want anything to do with anyone. Never again.

_That's the spirit, detective._

I began to walk around aimlessly for a while. I avoided all the crowded places and had even taken a nice sprint to the countryside I visited before. It was funny how I wanted to be alone, yet at the same time, I hated it. Urameshi Yusuke, alone? Quiet? Impossible. But I had managed to achieve quite a few impossibilities already in that day. I disentangled myself from my emotions and let the pain and despair take over. I hid a lot from everyone. I worried more than they could ever imagine, but because I became so adept at concealing it, they naturally assumed I was just being brash and bold. In reality, I analyzed every worse possible situation. Even though my final decisions may have appeared crazy or fueled by incompetence, they were always the results of choosing between life and death.

I hated myself for being unable to cope with my problems like a normal person. Why bury all your feelings, Yusuke? Why not face them like a man or even ask someone for help? I knew one day something would happen that would result in an overload. I just never thought it would be so soon nor be so…sad.

After that little realization, I went back home and isolated myself within my room. Mom wasn't home, so that left me with no one to nag me; I was grateful for that. So I remained sitting at my desk, head rested on folded arms, staring at the wall blankly. I hadn't eaten much at all in the past few days and sleep was pretty much the same story so it left me feeling drained and utterly exhausted. But my thoughts kept me active—active enough to berate myself even further that is. Self-awareness is such a drag sometimes.

_Ain't that the truth, detective?_

"You could say that again," I murmured to no one.

What would happen if I stayed permanently dead the first time I died? I sometimes wondered about the answer to that question. I would never have met Kurama and Hiei that's for sure. Keiko would be heartbroken, but I knew she would be able to pick up the pieces and move on. Kuwabara…well…at that point we weren't even that close so I'm pretty sure he would have been fine. Mom might have been a different case, though. My death was a huge wakeup call for her. Hell, it was a huge wakeup call for me.

_The first death. Why did you ever come back? Everything would have been better if you stayed dead. Instead, you cause all this pain and suffering for your friends. You know what I mean._

"I have caused a lot of pain," I whispered. Every important mission we had taken on required risks. I can count all the times I've managed to screw up and cause everyone a whole lot of hell. I was never fit to be a leader. That was more so Kurama's role. I was just someone with a loud mouth.

"Isolation from oneself. Isolation from everyone else. This is my solution."

These were words I never thought I would say. But when I said them, they felt so good. Yes, this was my answer. This was the only way I could keep from hurting anyone else—and myself. I would remain cold and distant. Nothing could touch me. No one could touch me. I wouldn't have to be blaming myself all the time now. I shivered involuntarily at the thought. It sounded too good to be true.

_My, my, I think you've got it, detective._

I closed my eyes and buried my face in my arms. A slow smile made its way onto my face. I remember thinking to myself if this was right—to become numb to everything. But then I remembered Hiei's words.

"I really don't deserve him. I've caused everyone so much pain. What could I hope to deserve?"

So I allowed myself to stop caring. Stop caring about mom, stop caring about Keiko, stop caring about everyone—especially Kurama. All at once a sort of comforting coldness washed over me, and I embraced it with open arms.

_That a boy, detective. Bury yourself until you are no more. No one cares. You don't care._

"Yusuke!"

I barely turned my head and saw Botan floating outside my window on her oar. I stared at her for a while as she threw me a frantic look. I stood up slowly and opened the window to let her in. She immediately pounced on top of me.

"Come on, Yusuke! We've been trying to find you for hours! I would never have thought you to be spending your day at _home_. There's something you need to know. Koenma's gathered the others at Genkai's temple so let's go now!"

She dragged me onto her oar and didn't even wait for me to respond as we flew off. I wasn't even remotely interested in what Koenma had to say. Not caring was so much easier than anything else I had ever done. When Genkai's temple flashed into view, I stared at it dully. Flashes of my encounter with Hiei flew across my mind, but I didn't allow it to get the best of me. I remained unfeeling. They were merely memories now.

_So the man can be taught._

Koenma looked less than pleased when we arrived. "Yusuke, how dare you just end our conversation so abruptly like that?" he inquired sharply in his teenage form.

"Sorry," I said numbly.

He looked about ready to speak when he stopped and looked at me incredulously. "Wait…," he began, eyeing me carefully. He then sighed deeply. "It's begun," he muttered quietly.

I only tilted my head to the side. I then noticed that everyone else was staring at me intensely. Kuwabara, Hiei, and Kurama. Botan looked torn. Genkai was watching me with her emotionless eyes as usual, and I didn't even try to read her mind. Finally, I blinked slowly and looked back at Koenma.

"What?" I asked.

Koenma frowned and crossed his arms. "This is most troublesome. Yusuke, the psychic that controlled you, his powers left a lingering effect on your mind. A part of _him_ is still imprinted in your mind and it will probably try to take over you—dominate your personality as I should say," he said slowly.

Seemingly dangerous words, yet they made no impact on me. I blinked once and placed a hand on my hip casually. "Okay," I replied calmly. "So what do we do?"

Just then I heard someone move behind me. I turned around and saw Kuwabara baring his fist at me. "Dammit, Urameshi, don't you care?" he asked harshly. "Just before you were all whiny about how you hated being controlled and now you're all cool about it? What's wrong with you?"

"I'm still me," I retorted indifferently.

Kuwabara grabbed me by the collar forcefully. "No, you're not! I can feel _him_! He's in your mind and he's taking control!" he exclaimed.

"Like I said before, what do we do about it?"

Kuwabara looked ready to pummel me to the ground before he let go of me and shook his head. He then raised a finger at Koenma accusingly. "You! We have to bring back Urameshi," he directed.

Koenma narrowed his eyes. I watched this exchange for several moments.

"Wouldn't Yusuke know if his mind is being taken over?" interjected a new voice—one that still managed to ring a chord inside me.

"He's becoming influenced, Kurama. He's already lost to us," answered Koenma darkly.

I looked at Koenma before I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Kurama staring back into my eyes searchingly. I didn't know what he was looking for and only held a leveled gaze with him. A flash of emotion crossed his face and I briefly wondered what it was before smiting down the feeling. Kurama stepped away from me slowly, eyes shielded.

"There must be a way for us to reach him, Koenma," he said quietly.

"I contacted the psychic, but he said there was nothing we could do. This is something Yusuke has to defeat on his own," replied Koenma.

"Can I go now?" I interrupted.

Both Kurama and Koenma stared at me.

"Idiot, don't be so brash. We're discussing your well-being and the least you can do is stay and listen without complaint," chastised Genkai, looking at me with that infamous glare of hers.

For a second, I felt a brief flash of emotion run through me. "Brash. Yeah, that's me," I murmured before quickly burying my feelings. Dammit. I was supposed to not care anymore.

_Patience, detective. It doesn't come so easy, you know. But I can assure you, it'll be worth it in the end._

I steeled myself and looked hard at Koenma. "Call me when you find something," I said before slowly walking away.

At once I felt a hand wrap itself around my wrist, stopping me in my pace. I froze momentarily before turning sideways. Kurama shot me a pleading look. I almost lost my composure again as I studied his eyes, so warm and compassionate—yet when the time was called for, brutal and cold. I wrenched my hand out of his grip.

"See you later," I called out faintly as I walked away.

_With my guidance, you will soon experience a world of no pain. _

"Show me the way."

I was talking to myself like some kind of crazy man. I should have realized then that there was something seriously wrong with me, but I didn't. Like Koenma said, my mind was being poisoned by the lingering power of the psychic and I was completely oblivious to it. Perhaps, had I been in a better state of mind—had I not felt so guilty about hurting Kurama during the mission—I would have been able to fight it off. But the combination of my guilt, pain, and sorrow proved to be my ultimate downfall. When Urameshi falls, he falls.

I was about halfway to my house when I detected another presence behind me. I didn't even have to look to know who it was. I stopped in my walk abruptly and whirled around.

"I thought you were taking care of Kurama," I said emotionlessly.

Hiei stared at me with that usual blasé attitude of his. But there was definitely something amiss in his eyes—as if he was searching for something that wasn't there. I raised an eyebrow slowly.

"He doesn't need my help anymore; he's strong enough on his own."

A sudden impulse took over me and I felt the presence in my mind make itself known more than ever.

_Look at the one before you. Is he not the reason why you were in so much pain? Kill him. Be rid of this nuisance. He admonishes you condescendingly day by day. Is he really a friend?_

For a second, I felt a streak of emotion run through me. Hadn't Hiei proved himself to me on more than one occasion already that he was a loyal friend? Hiei remained nonchalant and arrogant because that was a part of his nature. It was ingrained in him and no one could change him—and no one wanted to. Why should I have been so mad?

_Idiot. Friends will simply bring you down. You will experience the same kind of pain over and over again. And you will also be the one orchestrating that pain. To estrange yourself from them first is the best way to keep from getting hurt._

And just when I almost fell prey to those words, I stopped. I looked at Hiei again and saw him staring at me intensely. I felt naked under that gaze. Why, I didn't understand. It was only when I spotted that violet iris in the middle of his forehead did I realize the reason for my discomfort.

_He's trying to invade your mind. I can only hold him off for so long. You must fight back now!_

I blinked several times and moved forward slowly, raising my index finger at Hiei. His eyes widened as I targeted him.

"Back off, Hiei," I warned.

"Are you so weak that you would allow some foreigner take over your mind?" he retorted bitingly.

I felt anger rise within me at the comment. But then I slowly began to understand his words and tone. He was concerned. Hiei, the almighty youkai feared throughout the Makai, was worried about me.

_Laughable, isn't it? Amazing how these people can switch sides so quickly. First, they berate you, and then they try to help you. It's already too late for that, though, right, detective?_

"Right," I murmured. I began charging up the Rei-Gun until it glowed an eerie cold blue. I aimed it squarely at Hiei's forehead. "Let's get rid of the nuisance," I said quietly before firing.

* * *

TBC

**Alert! **After much deliberation, I have officially decided to change the pairing of this story, and I'm sorry to say that it will no longer be Yusuke and Kurama. It will be Kurama and...Yusuke. XD See? There's a difference! It was _Yusuke _and Kurama and now it's _Kurama_ and Yusuke. Aha! (Yes, please excuse my poor excuse of a joke.) I know every thing seems heading towards the Kurama and Hiei fandom, but trust me, when I say Kurama and Yusuke I mean Kurama and Hi—er—Yusuke, dammit. :P Of course, with such a wicked beginning, some of you may be wondering how it will get to that point. But that's for me to know and for you to keep reading, right? XD I still have a few hands left to play in this game.

And two updates in a month! It's a miracle for me. :P Happy (Early) Turkey Day to those who celebrate! Personally, it's chicken for me... My mother makes some damn dry turkey the last time we had it.


	12. A Miraculous Breakthrough

* * *

**.Twelve.**

I didn't kill Hiei. To be quite honest I didn't know how that happened since it seemed like a pretty inevitably fate. All I could recall was a blur of colors and then darkness as I fired my shot. When I woke up, I was in a strange and unfamiliar room. My head pounded painfully and for the moment, the voice was quiet. I was left entirely on my own it seemed. And that hurt me more than anything else.

I had been in that room for several hours, lying on the single mattress and staring at the black ceiling before someone finally came. I remember the door opening slowly and a sudden light making me squint my eyes. Then several moments passed and I finally realized who it was. Koenma.

"Yusuke. I gather you're feeling better?"

For some strange reason his voice sounded distant and I couldn't help but tilt my head to the side wonderingly. His words didn't even strike me until the last second where I merely nodded in response. I then stood up staggeringly.

"Is Hiei dead?"

The blandness of my tone surprised Koenma. His eyes widened for a brief second before he returned back to his usual, cool self. "Fortunately, Kurama was able to divert the attack at the last second," he replied.

My mind registered this new information. "So that was what I saw before I was knocked out," I mused aloud.

Koenma stared at me hard. "You're in the Reikai right now, Yusuke. You've been here for two days," he said calmly.

"Two days?" I repeated, mildly surprised at the amount of time that had passed since I was knocked out. What exactly had Kurama done to me?

_Welcome back to the land of the living, Yusuke. Or rather, the land of the dead in this case._

I tilted my head upwards in acknowledgment. "Where were you?" I murmured to myself. I had felt lonely—abandoned. I hated that feeling. It was usually not a concern with me since I naturally attracted people, but every once in a while it came.

"Yusuke, I know you can hear me somewhere. Please listen to me. You're being held under control. You need to fight it," came Koenma's voice, urgent and pleading.

I looked at Koenma with some amusement. "This is the first time I've seen you this desperate," I remarked dryly. "And I am listening, but I don't understand what you're saying. How am I being held under control?"

The death god looked utterly torn. I watched him carefully, a slow smile spreading across my face. It was strange to be able to watch everyone that was so close to me like this—without a care. I didn't feel any need whatsoever to give Koenma any comforting words or even a rude insult as I normally would have. No, it was fun to _cause_ that despair. They thought I was being controlled by someone? No, I already was being controlled. I guess they never thought to assume that I had made that choice freely. After all, I was Urameshi Yusuke, the greatest daredevil in existence and crazy to the core.

"If you don't come to your senses, we'll have to leave you here," stated Koenma, his tone now devoid of any emotion. The expression on his face was just as unreadable.

I grinned at him. "Who'll take over my duties?" I asked, feigning innocence. I almost laughed when I saw Koenma flinch slightly. Was I that hard to take in? And I always thought Koenma thought me by myself was annoying. It seemed like he disliked this version of me even more.

"We have backup."

"You mean Kurama, Hiei, and Kuwabara."

Koenma frowned slightly at me and I sat back on the bed, eyeing him carefully. "You can't me keep here forever, right?" I asked.

"Not forever. But a long time can be a long time if you don't cooperate."

I liked Koenma's answer. He was back to spouting out his witty remarks. It made it much more interesting to talk with him. I crossed my arms and arched an eyebrow. "Aren't I cooperating now, though? In fact, I'd say I'm behaving better than I usually do," I retorted smartly.

Koenma wasn't the only one who knew how to debate. The only reason why I usually lost arguments was because I tended to lose my cool. But when I really want to make a point across without resorting to violence, you sure as hell can bet I'll be able to do it well. It was all a matter of how much the argument meant to me. And I wasn't going to lose this one.

"You're giving up one everyone—why?"

His question caught me off guard. And I found myself stumbling through the corners of my mind for an answer in confusion.

_Don't lose it now, Urameshi. I won't let you._

And I found it. "Because life would be so much better this way—for you and for me. Right, Koenma?" I replied tonelessly. Whatever humor I found in the situation before was now drained and down the toilet.

Koenma's eyes flashed. "You think this is benefiting us?" he asked softly.

"It's not? Urameshi Yusuke was hardheaded, rash, and completely incompetent. He hurt a lot of people as well as himself. Burying him is the best solution," I answered.

"That—"

"Yusuke!"

I blinked and looked behind Koenma's form where Kuwabara was standing at the door, his fists raised and face reddening with rage. I smiled emptily at him and raised a hand in greeting. "Kuwabara, so nice of you to drop by," I remarked brightly. Then before I could even register his movement, Kuwabara had me up by the neck. I stared at him with a small smile. "Something wrong, pal?"

"Dammit, Urameshi, get yourself together! This isn't you at all! If you hide behind your problems and let it all take over then you're even more of a coward than I originally thought!" he shouted, glaring at me harshly.

"Very eloquently put, Kuwabara," quipped someone else.

"It seems like you're learning," said another.

I tilted my head to the side and saw Kurama and Hiei enter the room beside Koenma, who still held a critical gaze over me. "Hey, it's a party," I remarked without any conviction.

Kuwabara's grip on me tightened and I found myself pushed up completely against the wall. This time I finally looked at Kuwabara seriously and placed my hands on his wrists, prying him off me with barely even a shove. I glared darkly at him. "Sometimes you annoy me," I said placidly.

"Yusuke."

I turned to face Kurama coldly, my eyes narrowing at him. _Why won't they leave me alone? They can't see it's better this way? I won't hurt anyone… I won't hurt anymore._

_They just want you to suffer, detective. _

I began to slowly accept the words until I caught hold of Kurama's gaze. For once his eyes weren't concealed—I could see every emotion running through them as plain as day. And I was taken away by them. Pain, sadness, frustration, regret, hope—all rolled into one and aimed directly at me. Kurama's eyes were already beautiful when I couldn't read them. Now that I finally could, the sight was more than I could bear. I blinked and looked away much to the dismay of the presence in my head.

_Don't be taken hostage by his tricks, detective! You know as well as anyone that he is a master of emotions._

Yet I felt no hostility in that gaze of his. I frowned to myself and massaged my temples. I was starting to get one grand migraine.

"Don't run away from us anymore," remarked Kurama quietly.

I didn't look at him for I knew if did, it would be my ultimate downfall. Why couldn't they understand? I tightened my fists in aggravation. Did they want to be hurt? Well, maybe they did but I didn't. And I didn't want to feel the guilt of having to cause the pain of those around me. I wanted it to disappear. I didn't need to be close to them. This was what caused us so much pain the first place. And Kurama… I caused him the most pain yet he still wanted me to come back? I felt no amusement in this—no satisfaction at all.

"I think you're getting to him, Kurama," I heard Koenma murmur.

My gaze shot upwards at him hostilely. "Leave me alone," I said in a low tone, one that promised violence if they didn't comply.

They looked at me. I could feel of their eyes on me. I shuddered inwardly and silently wished for them to all vanish from this world altogether. I needed my solitude—my only companion besides the one in my mind. I had craved for attention before but now it was too much. Now I risked breaking whatever shield I had up to the raging emotions these _friends_ represented. I needed to get away from them and recover. I couldn't let this cycle repeat again. I knew it all too well already. Accepting my emotions, forgiving and forgetting, and hurting everyone all over again. It was such a vicious way of living and I had nothing left in me to strive to remain strong.

"Never."

And suddenly I found myself face to face with Kurama—the bane to my resolution. I risked looking at him for a moment and found that emerald gaze boring down into me until I could no longer take it. I pushed away from him, but he held my arms firmly. Something in me finally snapped.

_You're really going to let this continue on like this, detective?_

I shook my head and finally gathered my strength and wrenched myself away from Kurama, glaring at him dangerously. Only one emotion was present in my mind—anger. I tightened my fists. "Do you really want to get into a fight with me?" I queried, my tone betraying the underlying rage in me. Enough was enough. I couldn't let them break past my already fragile shield. This reaction was a last ditch effort to preserve what little I had. It was the instinct to survive. Anyone who threatened me would be killed.

And for the briefest of seconds, I couldn't help but wonder if this was actually me talking or someone else.

"Urameshi!"

"Didn't we do this before?"

"Yusuke, please."

"Urameshi Yusuke really will die if you continue on with this pattern. Do you want that to happen? What about your mother? What about your friends? Would this not be unfair to them?"

_Urameshi! Don't give in now! Ignore them!_

Their voices and words all meshed together sloppily in my skull—along with the screaming presence already there. It was at the point where I didn't even know what I wanted anymore. Was I even still a separate entity from the one in control? I thought we had already joined to become one. Why then was everyone else affecting me like this? Why was I feeling pain? Why couldn't I make up my own mind? I felt and saw the scene before me swirl crazily and collapsed onto the ground gracelessly, staring at everyone in shock. Pain? Right, like I could ever avoid that feeling. Was this what I truly wanted? It felt like I was slowly waking from a dream, but I still clung onto those fragments tightly, trying to avoid facing reality. They were all still screaming at me. It became one terrifying force—one that overwhelmed me completely.

"Stop it. Stop it!"

Even my voice was failing. Instead of a scream my words came out like a normal shout. I was still swimming in confusion.

_Urameshi! Don't let simple words take you back! You don't want to feel pain anymore, right? Why are you journeying backwards then?_

"Pain? I can't stop it. It's everywhere. No one can stop it. This world and everyone in it is full of it. I can't even protect those around me from it," I murmured to myself. I was slouched against the bed. Someone was close to me, holding me tightly. Later I found out it was Kurama. But during that moment, all I could do was lean towards that warmth, trying to seek some kind of support.

_You will hurt everyone again. You will feel the same guilt again. Are you ready to face that so soon?_

Realization hit me like a tidal wave. And suddenly, I was able to view everything in full light—without the voice's influence affecting it. "Nobody is perfect—and sometimes making mistakes is the best thing anyone can do," I said.

_FOOL!_

I cringed as the throbbing in my head increased tenfold and Kurama's grip on me tightened. What was going on during that moment is hard to describe since I was sort of in a state of turmoil. All I could feel was pain exploding violently in my head, and the voice screaming obscenities at me. Now I can't even recall what those words were. Kuwabara later told me that I looked like I was having a seizure and that I was talking to myself like a lunatic. That part I believed wholly. And I probably remained that way for a while until the pain suddenly subsided—along with everything else. Just as the screaming had reached a culminating point, I lost all consciousness.

I was then again later told by Kuwabara that I looked like I had died for good.

It's still not apparent to me whether I actually had or not since he decided not clarify his point, but I knew judging by everyone's looks thrown at me the next few days that I probably had—even if for just a few minutes. There was one consolation to this, though. The voice had died as well. Thus, this was yet another incident that was marked by the miraculous comeback of Urameshi Yusuke at the last second. I found the entire thing humorous after it all ended. Everyone else didn't. But then again not everyone shared the same weird, morbid sense of humor I had. On the other hand, though, I wasn't the one watching a close friend begin his descent into oblivion. I suppose I deserved the scathing and condescending remarks made by Hiei _and _the punches thrown by Keiko _and _the self-satisfying jokes made by Koenma and Kuwabara.

What I hadn't expected, however, was the grave and serious tone Kurama took on when he was with me. And for a good while, I seriously began to think about breaking off my agreement with him to be his "boyfriend"—especially since it seemed he and Hiei had grown closer through the whole ordeal where I went psycho. Koenma went on with a more detailed explanation that the voice was "an effect to the psychic's control over me during the mission." He explained it all before but I simply didn't listen. Hell, all I cared about was that I had gone on a near killing spree of all my friends. This was unforgivable in my eyes. But Kurama's attitude after the incident confused me. He appeared cautious—almost like he was afraid of me—though I knew that couldn't be possible. I also spotted him with Hiei a lot during my "recuperation" period. This was probably why I decided one day, while he was visiting, to "break up." His mission seemed to be dubbed as a success in my head so there was no need for me anymore, right? It saddened me and made me even more depressed than ever but I finally made up my mind.

I remember feeling pretty confident about my decision. That was until Kurama came into my house and greeted me with his oh-so charming smile. Whatever face I had then dissolved pretty quickly. It was damn frustrating and it took me a good half hour to regain my will.

But since when was I ever sure about anything superficial?

* * *

TBC

Happy Holidays to everyone! May you have a safe and wonderful time!

Blah, I can't believe 2005 is approaching. What happened to 2004? Time, slow down a bit will you?

And, uh, this part didn't come out quite as I planned but I suppose it works. The ending seems like a teaser, though, right? XD


	13. Autumn Days

* * *

**.Thirteen.**

It was a nice day out compared to the weather we had a few days before—with all that rain and thunder. For some strange reason the weather always seemed to follow in pattern with my emotions. That day we had grey skies and some sunlight. It fitted perfectly with my doubtful mood. I had been bedridden since the "purging of the evil psychic voice" as Koenma so eloquently put it and I was more than a little irritated. Apparently the influence over my mind had affected my body as well and I was stuck at home with a raging fever. Fortunately, mom wasn't home so I had the entire place to myself. Unfortunately, my friends had decided to come by every hour or so to check up on me.

They were probably thinking I was going to run away—which, _of course_, I would _never_ do.

So as I lied there on the couch, flipping through channels with nothing but ads playing, I started thinking about Kurama—Kurama and Hiei, to be more exact. Kurama had been by my house several times already in the past few days, which was no surprise. Each time he was here, though, he bore the same unreadable expression. It was almost like he was talking to a complete stranger, with his polite smiles and greetings. On more than one occasion I asked him if there was something wrong. He always replied with a laugh and drifted onto another topic without giving me an answer. It was as if he didn't even want to face me, but was doing it because he _had_ to—either because he was a friend or because he was still playing my boyfriend so of course it was required both ways. I didn't know what to think.

Perhaps he felt guilty about something? Maybe he didn't want to play the role anymore? But this was something else I still didn't understand. If he had gotten what he wanted, then he really shouldn't have any guilt. I _had_ agreed to drop the role once he and Hiei hooked it up.

At this point, I had to go into the kitchen and swallow another pill for the pounding migraine that had struck once again.

I was so focused on thinking (something quite rare from me) about Kurama that I completely failed to notice the front door opening and a figure walking in. Genkai would have scolded me on such "absence on the surroundings." I only jumped when I heard the soft sounds of someone walking on the carpet. When I looked up, who else could it be but Kurama? I could only glare at him. Why? Because he had disturbed me on my thinking—and because it was about him. Who wanted the object of their thoughts to be standing right before them? Not me. It just made everything more uncomfortable and I was forced to stop thinking about Kurama right then and there.

In retaliation to my glare he arched an eyebrow, and I almost laughed. "Do you guys plan on watching me forever?" I asked, turning off the television to spread my body fully over the couch. The only bad thing about having a headache is that you just want to sleep the entire day to get rid of it. But it would have been rude of me to sleep in front of Kurama, right? I only snickered at the thought.

"You're looking better today," he remarked calmly, sitting down on the other couch across from me.

Just then I was hit by the sudden memory of yesterday. The day where I decided to break it off completely with Kurama. To say I failed in doing that task would be an understatement. I more than failed. I pretty much _flunked_ altogether. Damn Kurama and his eyes. They were proving to be my ultimate downfall. It was unnerving to think something that simple was affecting me this much.

"Yeah," I murmured before suddenly looking at him curiously. "Exactly what happened to me after I collapsed? Kuwabara didn't bother to explain."

This was yet another topic that haunted me—not in a bad way, though. I just wanted to know. It was about me after all. I deserved that much. But Kuwabara would only just look at me strangely each time I brought it up and shrug it off. Hiei plainly ignored it altogether. Koenma—well, I didn't even want to talk about it with him because I knew he would develop some way to get me to do something outrageous in return. I hadn't even thought about asking Kurama—and he was the one who was right there beside me when it all happened. Somehow, he managed to slip my mind.

As expected, Kurama eyed me sharply. I blinked innocently.

"You died."

Of course I suspected that much. I narrowed my eyes. "How long?" I inquired.

Kurama's gaze seemed to falter for a minute, and he didn't bother to look at me anymore. "Five minutes," he replied.

I took in this new information. "Gosh, I can't believe I died again," I murmured aloud, some amusement in my voice. It sounded rather morbid of me, but I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of me escaping death so many times.

"It's funny to you?"

I glanced at Kurama. "Well, it's not funny that I could have died permanently this time, but it is funny that I have managed to avoid it once again," I remarked with a chuckle.

Kurama narrowed his eyes at me. "Have you ever watched a friend die?" he inquired, his tone cold.

I stared at him for a minute. So that's what it was all about. I instantly began to yell at myself. Suddenly, I felt guilty. Kuwabara already saw me dead the first time—and the second—and now the third. Kurama and Hiei saw me die twice. But I suppose once is already enough. I thought Kuwabara had died when Toguro attacked him during the tournament—and that had driven me crazy. So I guess I could understand what it felt like to lose someone close—even if they really weren't lost.

It was the most unbearable type of pain—the feeling of uselessness—that you couldn't help them in any way at all.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, looking at him sincerely.

That was why Kurama was so distant with me in the past week. It wasn't even about Hiei—it was about me. He was angry at me for being so nonchalant about the entire ordeal. I guess I deserved it, though. I was usually blissfully ignorant when it counted the most.

"There's no need to apologize," replied Kurama calmly. "As long as you understand."

That look was back on his face. The one that read, "You are an absolute idiot, Yusuke, but we somehow manage to tolerate with it." I grinned and sat up slowly. "So what about you and Hiei?" I quipped.

For a moment, surprise flashed across Kurama's face before he covered it up. "What about us?" he asked in return.

I rolled my eyes. "This whole thing with us. Are we still on?" I retorted, trying to hide my impatience.

Kurama's eyes glittered brightly. "We could break it off if you want. I don't want you to be forcing yourself in this," he said calmly.

Sometimes Kurama's concern for others really annoyed the hell out of me.

"No, you idiot," I began, watching as Kurama's eyes widened in surprise, "I mean you and Hiei seemed to have gotten a lot closer than before. I saw you when he took care of you in Genkai's temple. It seemed like you guys already established a relationship."

That image still brought goosebumps to my skin. I had caused that pain for Kurama. And Hiei was there nursing him back to health. I really didn't deserve him—not at all.

"I suppose it did seem like that. But Hiei was only doing that out of camaraderie."

I looked at Kurama dubiously. His expression held some disappointment, yet something else was there as well. I sighed to myself. My idea on abandoning Kurama had flew out the window. Hiei's ignorance was something beyond my comprehension. How someone could possibly not notice Kurama was simply wrong.

"We're going to get that stubborn youkai to realize your feelings sooner or later. Trust me, Kurama, it's a promise."

It was amazing how I could sound so sincere about something I only halfheartedly agreed upon. I wanted Kurama to be happy—even if it was at the risk of my own happiness. I had been given enough chances to experience that feeling of mutual love. He at least deserved to live it as well. And Hiei? Well, even though he could be a prickly little youkai at times, he was still one of my closest friends. And someone like him just _needed_ some loving in his life before he went totally asexual.

"What about you?"

"Eh?"

I looked at Kurama in surprise. His expression on me was unwavering. "I feel somewhat guilty—leaving you alone," he clarified, a small smile on his face.

I shrugged my shoulders and shot him a grin, though it probably failed in reaching my eyes. "I chose that path a while ago. Don't worry about me," I replied.

Kurama watched me. I stared back at him. We remained that way for several seconds before he broke the chain. I tilted my head to the side curiously. Even if it was only for an instant, I felt that somehow he was sad about what I said. I narrowed my eyes and stood up.

Only to wind up the floor.

"Ow…"

"Yusuke!" exclaimed Kurama as he helped me up slowly. Concern was written plainly in his gaze now and I smiled at him jokingly.

"Stood up too fast," I offered as an excuse.

Kurama eyed me reproachfully. "You're still sick," he pointed out as he sat me down on the couch. He placed a hand on my forehead and I leaned into its coolness unconsciously. "You should be in bed."

"I've had enough of staying in bed," I shot back before suddenly standing up again. This time I was able to retain my balance and I looked at Kurama triumphantly. "Let's go out!"

I must have sounded like a retard or something because Kurama just stared at me blankly.

But I didn't let that dampen my mood. I walked to the hall closet and got out my coat and hat. Autumn was here and in full bloom. I had to go out just once to witness it. I then took Kurama's coat that was hanging by the door and tossed it over to him. He was still looking at me in bewilderment. I fitted on my gloves and hat and winked at him.

"Walk with me, my dear!" I said dramatically as I offered him my hand.

Kurama shook his head, laughing lightly. "You're sick, Yusuke," he reminded me once again.

I frowned at him and forcefully put on his hat and gloves, not even noticing the way he was staring at me as I took his hands. "This is my house, right? Is it not customary to listen to the host?" I challenged back arrogantly.

Kurama gave me a half smile for a while before finally giving in. "Ten minutes," he said as he put on his jacket.

"No way, pal!" I exclaimed, dragging him out of the house as soon as he buttoned the last button.

Once the cold and refreshing air hit me, I sighed joyfully. I was still hanging onto Kurama's wrist as we walked down the neighborhood. No one was out for some reason or another, but I didn't mind. Autumn was always a great time to sit back and relax. I always liked watching the leaves fall from the trees as a kid—but I never admitted that to anyone. It made me look too sentimental, and Urameshi Yusuke was _not_ sentimental.

Despite the fever, I was pretty active that day. Kurama and I ended up walking to the park and we just sort of hanged around there for a while, sitting on the swings and just…relaxing. We didn't talk much, but that was fine with me, too. The entire atmosphere that day seemed so soothing and peaceful that even I couldn't say or do anything to ruin it. I just sat on my swing, looking up at the sky and watching the wind tear several more leaves from the branches of the trees.

I'm assuming an hour passed before I started feeling the effects of straining my body. Chills ran through me despite it not even being that cold and I was sweating at the same time. I sighed and placed my hands in my pockets. Kurama, being Kurama, noticed this gesture.

"We should head back now. My allotted ten minutes have well passed," he commented dryly.

I chuckled. "See what an amazing persuader I am?" I said as I stood up slowly, my body aching. Being sick was an absolute bitch.

Kurama offered his arm in support. "Come on—before you worsen," he advised.

I leaned into him tiredly. "Sure thing, pal," I murmured.

We walked and walked. For me it felt like an eternity before we reached my house. I was leaning on Kurama the entire way, his arm around my waist in support. It would have been embarrassing had anyone else caught us like this. But like I said before, there was no one out. And besides, it was comforting. I would have fallen asleep in his arms had it not been for the fact that we were walking. Kurama's arms were warm. I still remembered the sleepover on Kuwabara's birthday. The memory still brought me a sense of giddiness before being followed my remorse. Hiei was a lucky youkai.

When we finally reached my house, I was simply too exhausted to take off my coat so I plopped down on the couch. Kurama was worried. I could tell by the way he watched me. And then I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up he was in the kitchen—seemingly have made a home out of _my_ home. I sat up and noticed I was now in my regular clothes. The couch I slept on was also a bed and Kurama had opened it up for me sometime while I was sleeping. I smiled slightly and ruffled my hair.

"Ah, you're awake. Good, you can have your medicine now," he said as he noticed I was sitting up.

I rubbed my arms and noticed I was still feeling worn out. Everything was hazy and that included the pills before my eyes. I took them silently and stared at Kurama. "You can go home you know," I said, yawning widely.

Kurama arched an eyebrow and placed a hand on my forehead. I stared at him. "Your fever has gotten worse," he said as a-matter-of-factly, dodging my words entirely.

I rubbed my eyes and yawned again. "I just need some more sleep. You don't have to stay," I said stubbornly, even though deep down inside, I wanted some companionship.

Kurama smiled. "That's what you say, but should I really trust a sick man?" he replied.

I eyed him glaringly. "I'm in no mood for your jokes, kitsune," I said.

That, if anything, just seemed to give Kurama even more incentive to stay by my side. He shrugged carelessly and stood up while I simultaneously tumbled back into the bed. I continued staring at the ceiling for a while until I noticed that all the lights had been turned off. I blinked in confusion and sat up again, looking around for Kurama, who was nowhere to be seen.

"Did he leave?" I asked to no one in particular.

"No, he's right behind you."

I nearly jumped at the tickling sensation in my ear and spun around to face Kurama, who was smiling mischievously at me. I scowled deeply. You can't take the playfulness out of the kitsune I guess. Hiei said that to me once. I should have taken him more seriously then. Kurama continued smiling at me and I finally gave in.

"Fine, you damn stubborn fox. Stay. Stay and beware the consequences," I warned.

Kurama merely looked back at me with laughing eyes as he situated himself on the empty side of the bed. He then turned on the television and switched onto the nature channel. I arched an eyebrow when I realized they were playing a documentary on the lives of foxes.

"Do you plan these things?" I asked incredulously.

"It's really all a coincidence," replied Kurama lightly.

I couldn't help but shake my head in amusement. Lying back on the bed, I pulled the covers till they practically engulfed my entire body from head to toe. Kurama was sitting up, propped up by the back, looking as poised as ever as he engrossed himself in the program. I only scowled in disgust at the intensity in his gaze as he listened to the narrator talk of the foxes' way of living. I mean, come on. Kurama _was_ a fox. He should no better than anyone else how they lived. But I suppose because he was a _youkai_, it differed from a regular fox. I scoffed at this mental reasoning of mine.

"I can imagine you in this program. Behold, the great silver fox," I murmured sleepily, not even sure of what I was saying. My mind was functioning, but apparently my mouth wasn't working alongside it. I could only stop and try to grasp what it was that I said before shaking my head miserably. I really _was_ sick.

I looked at Kurama and saw him staring at me with mirth. I groaned. Great, an amused Kurama was a dangerous one. When were these pills going to knock me out? They didn't usually take this long.

"You think of me as an exhibition, Yusuke?" he asked softly.

And the tormenting takes place. I looked up at him tiredly. "Can't you cut the sick man some slack?" I inquired.

Kurama's eyes shone brightly from the soft glow of the screen. "I've never known you to ask for pity," he commented.

"Jesus," I muttered under my breath. I looked at the screen and found myself mesmerized by it—not because it was so wonderfully captivating with its imagery—but because I was steadily growing drowsy. Kurama must have noticed this because he finally turned off the television, much to my dismay. I snapped out of my reverie and glared at him. "I was getting into it," I complained.

"No, you were getting _out_ of it," he smartly replied.

I glowered at him. Damn fox.

Kurama smiled and then began to get out of the bed. I watched him in mild surprise. "Where are you going?" I asked.

He looked back at me. "Well, I assume I should leave you alone now that you should be getting your rest," he replied.

I grabbed his wrist suddenly to keep him from getting up. He shot me a surprised look. Hell, even I was unsure of where this was coming from—so I just followed my instincts. I pulled him back into the bed and leaned my head against his arm, closing my eyes.

"It's lonely being alone," I murmured.

I think it was the sick me talking because I was never this clingy. The last time I wanted someone to stay by me when I was sick was when I was seven—and ironically, that was the last time I ever truly got sick. When I got food poisoning, Kurama was there. But that was because I had the whole tearful confession about Keiko so that didn't even really count. _I _wasn't the one who asked him to stay; he did it voluntarily—and it was his house after all. This time, though, I wanted someone by me. It's just something you want when you're sick. You're too weak and tired to take care of yourself so for once, it's nice to let someone else do the taking care of things.

Kurama didn't say anything to me, but I felt him move in closer to me and give me more space to lean against him comfortably. I did so happily and laid my head on his shoulder. Granted, I suppose I was taking advantage of the fact that I was sick. If I had been in normal, healthy mode, I would never have been so open to sleeping with Kurama—even though the thought was promising. But because I was sick, I was being much more open with my emotions and just taking in what I wanted. It would probably cause me more pain later—when I had to eventually let Kurama go, but for now, I could let go of my apprehension and just sleep without worries.

"You can be quite demanding when you want to, Yusuke," I heard Kurama murmur. I was near dreamland, though, so I could have imagined it. Nonetheless, I merely buried my face deeper into his sweater. Kurama was _extremely_ comfortable despite his formidable appearance. It was something I always found ironic.

Just when I was about to completely succumb to sweet slumber, I felt Kurama's fingers run through my hair. He left barely even a ghost of a trace, but it still made an impression on me. I suddenly recalled the incident on our "first date" where I compared his hair to mine. Now my hair was loose and quite soft, something that could be declared a miracle from me since I seldom left my hair in its natural state. Kurama must have thought I had fallen asleep. It relaxed me even further, though, this gesture.

"You won't be alone."

It may have been my imagination once again, but those words brought me a sense of hope.

* * *

TBC

Pardon the, ahem, _fluff_. It just attacked me—I couldn't hold off against it. But this part does have its purpose. It serves as a transitional point in this story. From what to what, you ask? Well...I'll tell you when I know. XD


	14. Past Acquaintance

* * *

**.Fourteen.**

Another week passed by uneventfully. I was more than recovered by this time. In fact, I was bouncing all over the place like some kind of Easter bunny on steroids. School had started again unfortunately, and I made a promise to Kurama to go. I really didn't know how I managed to get suckered into that deal but I did—and there was nothing I could do.

Kurama could be really scary when he wanted to.

I had almost the same reputation in college as I did in high school and junior high. I mean, honestly, I didn't _do_ anything. They just heard about my delinquency in my younger days and assumed I was still exactly the same. Only the teachers really looked past the rumors—and these teachers were probably the first decent ones I ever had since…ever. Of course I still got on their nerves when I ditched classes and showed up a month later—but I impressed them with my amazing knowledge in return. It wasn't like I was _dumb_ or anything. I was just too lazy to answer questions on exams.

So there I was one day wandering around through the library in my school, looking for anything worth reading. I mean I loved my manga—but sometimes even I could crave something else to read. Finally I spotted a book that looked interesting and sat down to read. I had heard about it from Keiko and well, she said she liked it so it was worth a chance, right? I glanced at the cover.

"_'The Odyssey'_," I murmured curiously. It was a heavy book. I flipped to the first page and began reading.

Two hours later I was being booted out by the librarian. I decided to take the book home with me and continued reading it while on my train ride. It was an interesting little piece of fiction. I mean hell, it was written by a blind man so that in itself deserved some credit. But I liked the story a lot more than I originally would have thought. I was never all that into Greek mythology but this Homer guy really did write it well. And it wasn't all about gods and monsters.

I was so engrossed with the book that I failed to notice when the train stopped. I still continued reading all the way through up until the lights in the car went out as well. This time I did look up.

"What the fuck?" I cursed.

There were a few people sharing my car and they all looked mildly confused—some downright panicked. I frowned slightly and put away the book, waiting for something.

That something came in the shape of our conductor shuffling into our car with hands raised.

"Ladies and gents, we apologize for the inconvenience. It seems the electrical rail outside has sort of died out on us," he announced. Immediately people began to protest loudly. He looked around nervously. "I assure you, though, we will have you back on your way as soon as possible. We have contacted emergency workers and they are on their way."

I arched an eyebrow. Wow, it wasn't every day I got to be stuck in a dead train. I smiled crookedly and took in the astonished—somewhat angry—expressions on the rest of the passengers' faces. It was kind of fun.

The conductor then left our car and headed down to the next one. I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for the poor guy. He was relatively young and didn't look like he was cut out for speaking in front of people. After he left, though, the people were still grumbling and I got annoyed. What was wrong with these people? It wasn't like they _meant_ for the rail to break down on them. I wondered about this for a while before realizing what I was doing. I was defending the train staff. God, I had really grown too soft.

Muttering out my disgust I decided to walk through the cars—just for curiosity's sake.

No one paid me any mind until I entered my fourth car. I was near the end and about to step into the next car when a voice called my attention.

"Yusuke?"

I looked to the side and saw only one person sitting in the corner, a shock of red hair still noticeable in the dim light. I nearly did a double take and leaned in closer to the figure's face. "Kurama?" I exclaimed incredulously.

The same look of surprise was sprawled on his face before he smiled back gently. "I wasn't sure if it was you," he commented.

I plopped down on the empty seat beside him. "What are you doing here?" I asked in the same amazed tone. Of all people to meet in a stalled train underground—it was destiny!

I then promptly rebuked myself for that retarded logic.

"I was on my way home from school," he answered.

"So late?"

"We went to watch a movie."

I stared at him for a moment. "Dude, you have to tell me where your school is," I ordered.

Kurama laughed lightly. "It's for my class, Yusuke—International Studies. The movie was foreign," he said.

"That's still better than my school!"

"And you? I didn't know your classes ended so late."

I scratched my chin. "Well, they don't. I spent pretty much the entire day at the library," I admitted.

Kurama arched an eyebrow. "Interesting, but what about your other classes?" he asked.

I laughed and shrugged carelessly. "Hey, you told me to go to school—you didn't tell me to go to all my classes. And I only skipped out on one. There's this really good book that I found and it totally blew me over so I pretty much forgot about everything else. Here!" I explained quickly before whipping out the worn paperback out of my bag.

Kurama looked at it for a moment. "I never thought of you as the classics type," he commented curiously.

"Me neither," I agreed before laughing.

Suddenly the train jerked and I went sprawling over to the floor, as did quite a few others. I looked up and saw Kurama, who was still posed just as elegantly as he was before the train decided to have a seizure. Damn fox. I glared darkly at him just as the car lights flickered on and off. Kurama threw me a mildly surprised look.

"That was strange," he said.

I grunted. "Yeah, it was strange how you managed to stay in your seat," I muttered.

Kurama stared at me calmly, but I could just _see_ the grin hiding behind his gaze. And just as I finally resumed my original position the train sparked back to life. The dimness in the car gave way to a piercing brightness that had me cursing to no ends.

"You really should refrain from swearing so much."

"Fuck, shit, and fucking hell!"

I was only teasing Kurama. He knew it. And all he could do was stare at me exasperatedly. I liked that look on him. It made him seem more human. I grinned maniacally as the train started moving again, with much applause from the rest of the passengers. "Are you trying to apply for sainthood or something, Kurama?" I inquired.

"You of all people should know by now that sainthood is quite an impossible goal for me," he replied lightly.

I arched an eyebrow and shrugged. "Anything's possible," I remarked with a grin.

"Why Yusuke, I've never seen this side of you."

"Shut up."

But I was still smiling. Kurama always did have that effect on me. He was calm, wise, and just pure strange. He was happy one moment and then the next nostalgic. I never did understand that part of him. He went through a lot in his past, I know, but even after all this time he was still regretful. I would say that he's made up for his past. He would say he could never make up for his mistakes. Despite what others think Kurama could be extremely hard on himself when no one was looking. It was like he would never allow himself to be happy for too long. I didn't get it. And I don't even think anyone else realized this. He hid himself very well and it was only through my near obsessive watching of him did I catch a glimpse of this darkness.

And again I wondered if being with Hiei would remedy this. Hiei was Hiei. I couldn't really imagine him comforting Kurama when he was feeling down. But then again, maybe in love Hiei was different.

"Why Hiei?"

Kurama looked at me suddenly. I could tell my question surprised him—hell, it surprised _me_. It just came out. I guess it was because I was wondering if Hiei was really right for Kurama.

"He understands me well," came Kurama's soft reply.

I blinked and looked at him. Kurama's eyes were hidden from me. I hated it when he did that. "But he's so…Hiei," I remarked, cocking my head to the side. I didn't know why I was being so persistent in this matter. It wasn't like I _wanted_ to hear what was so special about Hiei that I didn't have. But in a sense, I wanted to know what it was that Kurama saw in him that I couldn't fulfill. Maybe it was my masochistic attitude—but I just _needed_ to know.

Kurama finally looked at me. His gaze was soft and he smiled slightly. "He knows my past and he knows my present. And he knows how to handle both—something that not even I can do at times," he said quietly.

For a while we sat in silence. I faced away from him and was staring at the window before me, watching the scenery pass us by in a dreamlike fashion. I knew I wouldn't like the answer. And yet I was still dumb enough to ask. Call me headstrong, call me hopeful, but I was still just a plain dimwit. Now I could see why Kurama wanted Hiei. The latter was the only one who knew all his faces—and the only one who knew how to snap him back to reality if needed. But the simplest answer was this: Kurama wanted Hiei because he loved him. And that was really all the reason he needed.

Who was I to think that I could ever stand a chance?

"Well, Hiei is a cold little bastard, but I guess I can see where you're going at," I said.

I felt Kurama's eyes land on me. I couldn't bear to face him, though. "You don't disapprove then?" he inquired.

I narrowed my eyes and looked at him curiously. "Why would I disapprove? I'm helping you out aren't I?" I asked, a little more harshly than I intended.

Kurama turned his gaze to the floor. "You helped me because I asked. I just wanted to give you the full explanation," he said.

"Love is love. I don't need any other reason than that."

My words surprised him. He scrutinized my face, reading so deeply into my eyes that I had to look away momentarily. Forcing on a smile I leaned back in my seat. "There were a whole bunch of reasons why I loved Keiko but in the end they didn't matter. All I needed to know was that I _loved_ her for herself. Nothing anyone could say or do would change that," I murmured.

The mystery of love was something that would forever remain a secret.

"Profound words, Yusuke."

I looked at Kurama and broke into a wide grin. "Well, of course! I'm the most profound person in the universe. Didn't you know that already?" I announced proudly.

Kurama smiled back at me. "There are those that would beg to differ," he pointed out.

"If you mean Kuwabara, don't. I doubt he even know what profound means."

"Harsh."

"Well, I can be that, too."

We shared a grin for several seconds. When the train lurched into a station, two more people left and all that remained in the car was Kurama and I. After a few minutes I stood up and stretched, eyeing Kurama wickedly.

"The joys of having an entire car to yourself," I commented airily.

He threw me a suspicious look and I laughed.

"Live a little, Kurama. There's no one here watching. I once ran across all the seats. Keiko was with me. She nearly pummeled me to death, but it was great fun. I tried to get her to do a dance by the pole but she wouldn't have it."

Kurama shook his head, smiling helplessly. "You really are reckless, Yusuke," he said with a chuckle.

I smirked and crossed my arms. "Like you've never been reckless," I remarked dryly.

For a moment Kurama's laughing gaze dulled into one of grimness. I frowned slightly as I realized that he was starting another one of his trips down memory lane. I sighed wearily and walked over to him, snapping my fingers in front of his face. Kurama blinked and looked at me in surprise.

"Hey, no more thinking of the past. It's over and done with. Youko is just a memory, not who you are now. Savvy?"

My words of comfort must have stunned Kurama because he continued staring at me like I was nothing he had ever seen before. Finally, I placed my hands on my hips in a haughty manner. "_Savvy_?" I repeated with more force.

Kurama then smiled at me. "Thank you, Yusuke," he said humbly.

I gave an aggravated sigh. "You foxes are so troublesome. Besides, it's not like your past is going to come and attack you—"

I hadn't realized before but the train had been stationed for an unusually long amount of time. And when I did realize, it was all due to the flying dagger that came through the open doors. I caught it with my hand automatically and stared at it dumbfoundedly before a strange figure landed in the doorway menacingly. I stared at him in amazement before looking at Kurama, whose expression told me that he knew this person.

"Okay, so forget what I just said," I remarked, dropping the dagger to adapt a more formal stance. "Friend of yours, Kurama?"

The youkai was tall. His hair was a bizarre mix of blue and orange streaks and his amber eyes glittered coldly. On his pointed ears were a series of decorative piercing to which I stared at with some fascination. I should have been a little more wary considering the daggers he held in his hands but I somehow felt that he was not as much of a threat as he appeared to be.

"So you have taken to living with the humans. I never thought it possible," he began in a distorted tone. It seemed to be mixed with half wonder and half grief.

"Ryu," murmured Kurama.

The youkai gave a bitter laugh. "So you remember me?" he inquired, his voice broken.

I stared at him in confusion. He seemed to want to hurt Kurama, but his eyes and tone of voice said otherwise. He appeared torn—traumatized—by some kind of internal conflict. I looked to Kurama for some sort of clarification, but his attention was focused solely on Ryu. His expression shocked me, though. It held such a great sadness that I had never seen before on him and so much remorse that I just wanted to reach over and hug him. Instinct told me to remain still, though. This was something far beyond my reach.

"I never forget anyone from my past, Ryu."

"You've done one hell of a job at hiding. But maybe I simply wasn't trying. It seemed like whenever you came to the Makai I always missed you. But not anymore. I decided to finally come to _you_."

Kurama began to move towards him, but Ryu stepped back quickly, as if he was some kind of disease. When I studied him, I noticed that there were tears in his eyes.

"You took my family away, Kurama. You took them away," he whispered hoarsely.

Kurama froze, pain tracing every feature of his face.

"I followed you. I followed you to the very end! And you betrayed me! You used me like some kind of puppet. Was I that meaningless to you? You could have left my family alone—or at least killed me with them. But then you left. You left and never gave me an explanation."

Ryu's words chilled me. There was desperation evident in his tone—a pain and desire for the truth that was palpable. I felt sympathy rise from within me for his wretchedness. No one deserved to live like this.

"It was a mistake. Your family was never supposed to be involved…"

"Lies," broke in Ryu, his eyes glowing with renewed vigor. He no longer possessed that torn expression. All that existed was rage. "All lies, Youko. And now you will pay with the same kind of pain you caused me."

I steadied myself in preparation for a fight, but surprisingly he didn't attack. He merely turned and left the car with a mighty jump into the distance before disappearing altogether. Leaving us with his cryptic words, I turned to face Kurama questioningly.

"What did he mean?" I asked. Kurama was staring at the floor, trapped in some sort of emotional breakdown. I reached over and placed a hand on his shoulder hesitantly. "Kurama?"

He suddenly looked up in alarm. "Mother," was the word I managed to catch before he ran out of the car in a dash.

I followed him without further thought and together we ran past the streets in a wild rush. Kurama didn't say a single word to me, but I knew what it was that tormented his mind. Ryu's threat came back to me like some kind of sick reminder and I prayed that what I was thinking wouldn't come to pass. When we reached Kurama's neighborhood, it was eerily silent. The lampposts were lit on and all the houses were dark. I spotted his house easily and felt uncertainty lodged in my stomach. Kurama ran to his house and unlocked the doors with a swiftness that rivaled Hiei's. I followed quietly, already fearing the worst.

"Mother!"

Kurama's stepfather and stepbrother were away on a fishing trip. But that didn't explain the uncanny silence that befell the house. It wasn't that late and Kurama's mother generally always stayed awake until her son came home. I glanced around the room as Kurama headed up the stairs. I knew already, though, that he would find no one. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine how I would feel if my own mom was taken away without me knowing. I would probably feel anger like none other.

When Kurama came back down the stairs, though, I could see no anger in his eyes. I saw grief, turmoil, anguish, but no rage. His situation was different from my imagined scenario. His kidnapper had been acting on vengeance—and Kurama, it seemed, thought his reasons to be justified.

"He took her," he said in a tone I never wanted to hear from him.

I laid my hand on his shoulder bracingly. "We can find her!" I whispered urgently. Kurama was quickly falling into despair and I needed to make sure that he wouldn't. "We can call the others. They'll be here in a sec!"

I then stood up, ready to call up Kuwabara and everyone else on the phone, when Kurama's hand latched onto my wrist firmly. I looked down at him in surprise. He was sitting at the foot of his staircase, looking at the floor with dead eyes.

"I don't want them to know," he said flatly.

I kneeled down beside Kurama, trying to look at him in the eye, but he wouldn't let me. Whatever he was feeling was lost before me and I grew more and more worried with each passing second. I had seen Kurama down before—but never like this. The way he was now was like he had lost all hope.

"You don't deserve this," I said to him.

He remained silent and out of my panic of losing him entirely, I did what I would normally have done to Kuwabara whenever he lost his composure: I punched him. Kurama fell back against the wall and I wondered for a moment if I had hit too hard. But I disregarded that when I saw him look at me finally.

"Look, Mr. I-Deserve-This-Because-Of-What-I-Did-In-The-Past, it isn't over yet! I don't care what you did to Ryu, but you need to stop martyring yourself. Revenge is never a good thing and your mother doesn't deserve to be punished. You got me?"

It seemed I had managed to get through to Kurama because he nodded slightly as he stood up, rubbing his jaw. I felt a little guilty as I watched him do this.

"I still don't want the others to know."

I grinned stupidly. "Fine! Then it'll be the two of us! More than enough I think. Let's go!" I exclaimed, grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the door. "Can you track him down?"

Kurama closed his eyes for a moment. Though I had gotten better at tracking down youki in the past few years, I still left it to everyone else. I was more for kicking ass.

"He could have killed her already," murmured Kurama suddenly.

I looked at him. It was funny how Kurama always assumed the best when it came to everyone else, but when it came to himself he was as optimistic as a kid about to get a root canal. I was getting more than frustrated with him—I was getting downright pissed off at his hopelessness.

"Don't assume the worst yet, lover boy. This is your family we're talking about. I would have thought you of all people would continue fighting for her until the very end."

"I would have if I hadn't felt that I deserved it."

To this I could say nothing more.

* * *

TBC

This part was brought to you by **WolfBane2**. Why? Because after reading your review it made me get to work and finish typing this up. So thanks a bunch (and you have me wrong, this _is_ one of my favorite pairings, where'd you get the idea it wasn't? XD). But I now have a new idea to torture you guys with. :P And I also dedicate this part to **Blkwidow77**—because your reviews never cease to make me smile. To everyone else who reviewed, I apologize for the minor delay in getting this out. I now have another card to play at. It's Kurama's turn to angst. XD


	15. Regretting

**

* * *

**

**.Fifteen.**

I had to hand it to Kurama. He really did know how to keep his cool. It's a skill I could only hope to ever have. His mother was kidnapped by a vengeful youkai and the only thing that indicated Kurama's stress was his silence. Granted, Kurama was in general a quiet guy but this time the silence was unnerving. It was like he was an entirely different person altogether. I wondered to myself then if this was what it was like being around Youko. I had heard he was cold and reserved—calculating and unfeeling. It seemed strange to imagine Kurama this way when I was used to seeing his smiles and reassurances.

But it seemed, for that short period of time, he had reverted back to something of his old self.

I could only watch him as he tracked down Ryu's youki. I wanted to say something. God, did I want to say something—but what the hell does one say to a friend whose mother was just kidnapped? My loud mouth was known to cause some havoc and I didn't want to take any risks now. I wondered if Kurama even realized I was by his side—or if his mind was so attuned with catching up to Ryu that he completely blocked me out.

We passed by streets and stores before stopping at an empty park. It took me several moments to realize where we were. It had originally been an amusement park before going out of business five years ago. Now it was just an abandoned area with blockades surrounding it. The old rides were still intact but I imagined they were rusted and ready to collapse at any given moment. I frowned deeply. Why Ryu would pick such a place to hide was beyond me. I looked over at Kurama and saw him analyzing the area.

It was weird, the way his emerald eyes could appear so distant. I would never get used to it.

"She's here?" I inquired, not really expecting an answer as I surveyed the park. An old roller coaster there, a dilapidated haunted house here…

"Yes."

I looked at Kurama sharply. He was looking at the haunted house behind me. "What do you think he's planned?" I asked, feeling all too inadequate.

"I'm not sure yet," he replied, his tone deadpanned.

I ruffled my hair with my hands in aggravation. I was never the type to investigate and hypothesize. I simply didn't have the patience for it. But when the occasion _really_ called for it, I could actually put my noggin to work and come up with an answer. This was one of those occasions. I sighed and sat down on the ground cross-legged, my arms crossed over my chest as I frowned deeply in thought. I've been in enough fights with youkai to be able to guess their true natures. Ryu didn't seem like the homicidal type to me. He was just…in pain. He was also struggling with his conscience, that much I could see. He had been a follower of Kurama's. Most likely he still felt some kind of loyalty to him despite everything.

I focused my own energy and began tracking down Ryu. The haunted house captured Kurama's attention—so that was probably where he was. But I wanted to make sure. Barging in and beating the crap out of an opponent was one thing, but Shiori was also there. I had to think a little differently from my norm.

I caught a glimmer of Ryu's youki and also sensed Shiori, alive and well, nearby. I breathed deeply in relief and glanced at Kurama.

"What now?"

"He's trying to lure me in."

I snorted and stood up, wiping down my pants. "That much is obvious. That's why I'm here, right?" I commented before glancing at my watch. It was nearing ten o' clock. I stared up at the sky and noted the deep clarity in the glittering stars. "It's a nice night."

"Indeed," murmured Kurama.

I looked at him watching the sky. Suddenly I broke into a crazy grin and smacked him hard on the back. "Hey, buddy, don't get too wound up. We've been in similar cases before," I said comfortingly. "Remember the time with that mirror? You were all ready to give up your life but I wouldn't let you. Everything turned out for the best in the end, though."

All the while I couldn't help but wonder to myself: damn, that was a fucking long time ago.

For the first time that night since Ryu came along, I saw Kurama crack a smile. It was a small, flitting one, but I caught it nonetheless. I laughed and shook my head. "And I thought Hiei was the worst person to hang out with," I muttered under my breath. Relief flooded my system, though. I hated worrying. Having friends usually entailed that feeling, but I also hated being alone. So I suppose it was an even deal. And besides, I owed Kurama that much.

I clapped my hands to catch his attention. "He wants to lure you in, right?" I began, "How about I play the lured?"

Kurama arched an eyebrow. "What are you planning?" he inquired, a spark of life returning to his eyes.

I smirked. "He seemed rather nervous when he was here. I imagine this is his first time in the Ningenkai—so he probably doesn't know much about human culture. I think we can use this to our advantage," I explained slowly, the beginnings of a plan formulating in my head as I spoke. "We can use the haunted house he's in."

"It hasn't been powered in five years," pointed out Kurama, eyes narrowing as he tried to catch onto what I was saying.

"It doesn't need to be powered—just being in it is creepy enough. He's probably already on edge," I said calmly.

"My mother could be injured in the process, Yusuke."

"_I_ won't let her," I vowed firmly.

Kurama eyed me with something akin to astonishment. "What are you going to do? There's nothing here to conceal you—"

"I'm not called crazy for no reason, Kurama," I quipped brightly. He stared at me sullenly and I winked encouragingly. "Listen, just trust me. Wait out here because quite frankly, I don't trust you going in there, and when Ryu comes out, don't let him escape. I'll make sure Shiori doesn't get hurt, okay?"

I was about make my move when Kurama called out to me.

"Yusuke."

I turned around. Kurama was staring straight at me. I blinked expectantly.

"Be careful."

I stuck out my tongue. "Who do you think you're talking to?" I teased playfully before venturing into the old house.

Kurama really did fascinate me—and so I made a little promise to myself. Even though our status was temporary, I was going to make the best of it. I was going to find out as much as I possibly could about Kurama and not regret our time together. In reality, this was the most alive I've ever felt since Keiko and I broke up—which was quite a while ago. Kurama helped me out of the darkness and now I was going to return his favor. I kept this thought in my head as I walked through the murky house. I had never been in an abandoned haunted house. All the machinery was still intact and the props were still in their places—I couldn't help but feel a little spooked out by them. It was pitch black, but through the cracked windows moonlight filtered in, giving the house an unearthly glow.

Strange, how when you're a child nothing scares you. Now this house sent chills down my spine.

I encountered a staircase and lingered there for a moment, listening carefully to the still darkness. Suddenly I heard a shuffling from above and I tilted my head upwards in hope of catching sight of Ryu. But all I saw was an empty hallway. I narrowed my eyes. Oh, he was definitely there all right. I didn't need to sense his youki to know that. I just prayed Kurama was still waiting outside patiently like I told him to. I mean he's never struck me as the type to not listen, but the guy was pretty torn. But he was also a hell of a lot more tolerating than me. If our situations had been reversed, I'd probably be blowing up things left and right.

All right, cut that humor. I had to get serious.

The house was impressive. I almost forgot for a second that it was a fake one and not actually haunted. Its creepiness factor didn't fade, though. When I managed to reach the hallway upstairs, I crept along silently against the walls. Ryu's youki was weak—he must have been trying to suppress it—but I could still trace it and began walking past the rooms.

I remembered walking down the same pathway when I was a kid, and the workers popping out of nowhere to scare me with their painted faces and costumes. I remembered laughing and making fun of them to mom. She was smiling as well. It's a memory I treasure. And my reasons for being here struck a deep chord inside of me. I held a happy memory of this place—I didn't want that to change into one of sadness. That was why I had to save Shiori. A kid deserves to have a mom around. Kurama wasn't a kid anymore, but that didn't mean Shiori wasn't needed. I smiled somewhat bitterly. When was anyone ready to let go of their mother?

The room Shiori was in was small. She was tied up in a chair, unconscious. Ryu was sitting on the floor, his head in his hands as his body rocked back and forth. I narrowed my eyes and listened to the cries and whimpers he made. This guy was tormented beyond relief. And I couldn't help but feel his pain.

"Betrayed me… Why? I was loyal… I was loyal!"

I masked my energy before making my move. He didn't even budge from his spot. I grabbed Shiori and managed to knock him out in the process. He was pathetic. I had thought he would be expecting a fight. All he did was sit. I don't think he even sensed my presence until I rendered him unconscious—and by then it was too late.

I kneeled down and began untying the ropes that bound Shiori. Her face was pale, but she otherwise appeared in perfect health. I sighed in relief and glanced over at Ryu.

"Poor bastard," I murmured. I then tilted my head to the side and looked over at the doorway faintly. "I thought I told you to wait."

Kurama stepped into the room calmly. "Even I can't be patient all the time," he replied softly as he kneeled down beside Shiori. I watched as he treated her carefully before taking her into his arms.

"What about Ryu?"

And as if on cue, I heard a beeping sound. I blinked and automatically took out the communicator from my pocket. Koenma's face blared onto the screen.

"Yusuke! It seems a renegade youkai has escaped to the Ningenkai. His name's Ryu and he's—"

"I got him," I said.

"And—what? You got him? How's that even possible?" queried Koenma in disbelief.

I grinned. "I sort of ran into him on my way home. He's knocked out now. Are you going to pick him up?" I explained.

Koenma appeared mildly impressed before clearing his throat officially. "Yes, well, good job then. I'll have someone right over to take him back," he said as he prepared to leave.

"Oh, and is there any way you can erase Shiori's memory of this night? She was sort of caught up in the middle," I cut in quickly.

Koenma shot me a quizzical look but nodded. "Fine. Wait where you are," he instructed before the screen flickered off.

I shut the communicator and looked at Kurama. "Well, I guess that's it then," I commented casually, while massaging my shoulder. "Damn, I'm not used to this crouching and sticking onto walls crap."

I grinned cheerfully. Well, there went my good deed of the day. I was turning into a real softie. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up at Kurama in surprise. He stared down at me seriously for a moment before allowing a small smile to spread across his face. "Thanks," he said simply.

And that was all I needed to understand. I laughed nervously. Gratitude was always such a foreign thing for me. I was used to people yelling and scolding me—not thanking me. So I just shrugged it off. "Hey, I know you would have done the same for me," I replied.

Kurama nodded slightly and knelt down beside Shiori. "Sometimes I wish I hadn't come here after all," he commented quietly. "Mother would not have had to experience this sort of pain."

I arched an eyebrow. "But then again she could have died without you," I pointed out bluntly.

He looked at me sharply and I took a step back involuntarily. "I mean—well—she was sick before, right? If it had been her real son she might not have survived," I clarified.

"I caused her that stress."

"Come on. _You_ couldn't have been worse than me—and my mom's still kicking, a little too hard sometimes in fact."

Kurama remained silent. I sighed and crossed my arms. "You always get so weird whenever we talk about this. I don't get it. You're so smart in other areas but when it comes to mother-son relationships, you're dense as hell. How do you think Shiori would feel about your guilt—that you accuse yourself for making her sick? If it were my mother she would punch me straight down to hell and tell me what an ungrateful bastard I was," I said.

It was then that I realized how uncharacteristically cold I was being. In fact, I was being a downright jerk. But Kurama needed some enlightening. Throughout the years I have watched him continuously punish himself for involving Shiori with his life—and granted, I can understand that guilt but heck, it was pointless! Shiori wouldn't want him to feel that way and I thought it was rather stupid of him to continue doing so. Protect and love—never regret. That's my philosophy in life. And it makes a lot of things clearer if you do this.

"Anyhow," I began, "it's not up to me to decide how you should feel. I just wanted to point out that maybe all this time your guilt was really just a meaningless feeling you exposed yourself to."

I was lecturing Kurama. The thought was strangely alarming. Kurama stayed silent for a while longer and then suddenly, he stood up and shifted Shiori gently in his arms.

"I'll be taking my leave now," he said calmly before exiting the room.

I stared at him in bewilderment. And I suppose it was about ten minutes after he left that Koenma's goons finally came to pick up Ryu. I narrowed my eyes as I watched them leave through a direct portal to the Reikai. Shiori was supposed to have her memory erased. What did it mean for Kurama to take her back then? I stared at the broken ceiling thoughtfully.

"Is he going to tell her about his past?" I wondered aloud.

It would have been a good thing to tell her—especially considering how involved she was in his life. My mom was hardly ever in the neighborhood so she was normally quite safe from any hazards of my daily adventures. I doubted any youkai even knew of her existence. But if Kurama told Shiori, then perhaps she could be more on guard. She would probably freak out a little but Shiori never struck me as the type of person to hate someone just for being different and keeping the truth from her. She would undoubtedly feel a bit betrayed by Kurama but it was nothing that would cause any long-term pain.

I smiled happily. Good for Kurama.

I then left the rundown house and began my slow walk home. It was nearing midnight and all the adrenaline in my system was seeping away quickly. But I was still in a relatively good mood and took my time, watching the sky and stars. And I found myself wondering what Kurama was thinking when I spoke to him. He hadn't given me any sort of reaction whatsoever and just left—rather abruptly, too. I found myself puzzled over this fact.

It was only when I got home did a random thought strike me. Had Kurama and I just had our first argument? I cocked my head to the side. Okay, arguments were definitely my forte—but in all my years I never had a _one-sided_ argument. But Kurama was unique from my usual counterparts. Did he leave because he was—dare I say it—mad? I plopped down on my sofa and gave a bemused chuckle.

"No way," I muttered.

I'll be damned if that fox was actually mad with me. I had been a little harsh, but I was just pointing out the obvious—in my opinion. His could have been the complete opposite. What if he thought I was just making fun of him? Or even worse—not taking his feelings seriously? I groaned inwardly. I was never exceptionally good at stopping myself from going too far.

There was a chance that he wasn't mad, though.

That was just wishful thinking. Kurama doesn't leave without a smile. If he does then that usually calls for anger—either directed at himself or me. But I didn't want him to be angry at anyone! I sat up and stared at the blank television screen. But _was_ he mad? God, the confusion was too much for me. Why can't anything in the world ever be black and white? But no, I had to go and open my big mouth and give a Urameshi Yusuke lecture to—of all people—Kurama. Now I was torn. If he was mad then I would have to apologize. If he wasn't…then I had to do nothing. But _finding_ out what he was feeling was another story altogether.

So it was time to do a little scheming.

* * *

TBC


	16. Mister Romance

**

* * *

**

**.Sixteen.**

"Did you know that Kurama could get mad?"

"Uh…yeah? He's human after all—or somewhat human… I mean, everyone's allowed to blow up sometimes. Even he's not perfect."

"Words of wisdom from Kuwabara Kazuma…I never thought the day would come…"

"Shut up, Urameshi!"

I laughed and stared at the television screen to which Kuwabara's game was playing on. It was a new one that he recently bought—and with each new game he bought he always called me over for a challenge. I never did understand why he continued doing so after all these years when he's never even won a _single_ game against me. I guess he was just masochistic.

"Why do you even ask anyway?" he queried, looking at me strangely.

I quickly punched in a series of buttons that resulted in the K.O. of his character. "Eyes forward, Kuwabara," I said calmly.

I heard Kuwabara curse to himself and resisted from smiling. The guy was just too easy to pick on.

And it wasn't like I was _venting_ out my frustration on _him_. No, no, of course not…

After two more rounds of silent playing, Kuwabara got his second wind.

"Did you to have a fight?"

This time I had to resist from punching the lights out of him for good. I frowned deeply. "Does it really matter to you?" I asked offhandedly.

"You did, didn't you? I knew it! No wonder you're in such a crabby mood!"

I threw down my controller and glared hard at Kuwabara. "Oh, so you think it's funny, huh?" I demanded. I was probably overreacting, but this time Kuwabara had tested the limits of my patience. I was the type to deny after all. Kuwabara was the more accepting one—the bigger softie out of the two of us. And I really didn't want his advice no matter how much it may have helped.

"Hey, don't yell at me, Urameshi! I'm not the one who's mad remember?"

At this I calmed down enough to cross my arms irritably. Kuwabara grinned whimsically at me.

"So what did you do?"

"How do you know _I _did something?"

"Because you look all guilty."

Now on normal subjects like school and life, Kuwabara could be an absolute dunce. But when it came to reading people—especially people that he's known for a long time—he's hardly ever off. That plus his empathy also usually guaranteed cheesy, sympathizing advice that I was in no mood to listen to, but had no choice but to because Kuwabara could be even more persistent than me in situations like these—situations that involved emotions, something which I generally ignored.

"Hey Urameshi, you are in a relationship with Kurama, right? It's normal for you guys to have arguments!"

I looked at Kuwabara in surprise. Right, I had almost forgotten than he and everyone else thought that Kurama and I were boyfriends. I sighed. Even Keiko never got that angry with me—just bitterly annoyed. I knew that she would get over it, though. With Kurama…the differences between the two go on forever. What the fuck did I get myself into?

"Anyway, if you feel so bad just apologize. It's not that hard to do you know," continued Kuwabara in his all-superior manner.

I stared at him. "Did you know that your voice, after hearing it for five minutes straight, can become _really_ annoying?" I asked.

"URAMESHI!"

A wrestling match ensued. I won, naturally. But Kuwabara was still on counseling mode.

"It's healthy to disagree in a relationship. It shows that you two have different perspectives."

This time I couldn't help but gape at him in disbelief. Kuwabara then laughed embarrassingly and blushed.

"I got that from Yukina," he admitted.

"We didn't disagree—at least, _he_ didn't," I finally said.

A confused expression came over Kuwabara's face. "What?" he asked dumbly.

I sighed and folded my legs under me. "Look, I just pointed out my opinion of Kurama's relationship with Shiori—it may have been a bit harsh since I basically just disagreed to everything that he did. And he left after I finished without saying a word," I explained. It was the condensed version of everything that happened the night before—a _very_ condensed version. Kuwabara didn't need to know about Ryu.

"Shiori? How did she come up in your conversation?" he asked curiously.

I waved my hand absently. "She just did," I answered vaguely.

"Well, what exactly did you say to Kurama?"

"I just said that all the guilt he felt for putting Shiori in danger was unnecessary and meaningless—that she would probably be angry if she ever found out. The underlying message could pretty much be that I thought he was being ungrateful towards her."

Kuwabara laughed loudly and clapped his knee. "You said that to _him_? Wow, I never knew you had that much courage!" he exclaimed.

I glowered darkly at him. "You're not helping, Kuwabara," I stated placidly.

He quickly cleared his throat. "Look, it's not that I disagree with you. I think you're actually right…though I'm still trying to figure out what you're saying—but what I did get I agree with you completely! It's just the way you said it—that's harsh," he said.

"How else was I suppose to say it? Kurama always gets down and depressed whenever he mentions his mother. I can't be _nice_ and _sympathetic_. Then he would never listen to me!" I pointed out.

Kuwabara frowned. "But still. You're bad with these sort of things. You need more practice," he continued stubbornly.

The world must have been ending for Kuwabara to point out my weaknesses. I gritted my teeth and tried to take deep, relaxing breaths. I knew I was about as knowledgeable as a my alarm clock when it came to feelings. It took me a million years to finally figure out that Keiko liked me. And goodness knows how oblivious I was when it came to hurting people emotionally. I always realized things too late. It was a bad habit. But I wasn't the type of person who could easily relate to people. I was alarmingly blunt, Keiko once said. I guess now would be a perfect example of that blunt attitude gone bad.

"He's probably not really mad at you—I'm betting he was more hurt. I mean, that's a pretty mean comment, Urameshi," quipped Kuwabara as he began chewing on a Pocky stick he managed to scrounge up from somewhere under his bed.

I propped my head back against his bedpost. Kuwabara looked at me in mild interest.

"You know it's kind of…cute."

I didn't even bother yelling at Kuwabara for that one. I already knew it was coming from the start. "What?" I asked dully.

"You and Kurama arguing—it's like you're a real couple!" he finished with a laugh.

"We _are_ a real couple," I stated firmly. The tenacity in my voice surprised me. I was getting better at this acting I suppose. But then again we had spent so much time together that it was easier to say that we were a real item when we weren't. I guess this argument could even be further proof of our pseudo-relationship.

"Yeah, but it's still hard to believe. You two are totally different, you know? Yukina actually said that she thought you two were compatible from the start," Kuwabara commented casually.

I looked at him with some amazement. "She did?" I asked.

Kuwabara nodded knowingly. "Yup. I didn't know where she got that from, but then she explained it to me. I guess you two could be compatible. I mean you're together now, right?" he replied, grinning widely.

"For how long I wonder," I murmured aloud.

Kuwabara looked at me in alarm. "What, Urameshi! It's just one little argument! Hell, it didn't even seem like an argument from what you said—you don't need to go thinking that the entire relationship is over!" he shouted in dismay.

I smiled weakly. "You know me, Kuwabara. I always got to think in a negative perspective," I said airily.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Yeah, I know. You're a really depressing guy in that sense, Urameshi. You didn't use to be like that," he replied.

"Nah, I was always like that—but I don't let it bring me down. It's just good to see the bad side to things as well as the positive. It teaches you balance," I pointed out smartly, grinning wickedly.

"I always look at things positively!" proclaimed Kuwabara proudly.

"So that's why you always rush into battles everyone knows you can't win. Keep up that positive outlook, Kuwabara, and one day you might end up killing yourself."

Kuwabara fumed. "I _know_ when I can't win, Urameshi! But I'm not one to give up either!" he argued.

"So if you know when you can't win, doesn't that mean you're looking at things in a negative perspective like me?"

"…Shut up, Urameshi."

I smiled lazily at Kuwabara. "Just trying to point out some things to you, my friend," I commented.

Kuwabara suddenly looked up and pointed his finger at me. "Like that! That's how you hurt people, Urameshi! Obviously, I'm not hurt because I've known you forever so I'm used to it—but you've never put Kurama down," he said victoriously.

I frowned slightly. Such simple words—yet they can ultimately hurt someone in a profound way. This was why I hated relationships. They required _communication_. And half the time I don't even know what I'm thinking, so how can I predict what the other person is thinking? Relationships. They're like math—and I was never good at math.

"So I guess I should apologize," I remarked dully.

Kuwabara grinned. "Well, duh. But you could do something else, too!" he exclaimed.

I raised an eyebrow at him. A scheming Kuwabara was never a good one.

"You should, like, give him something."

I stared at Kuwabara blankly. "Are you serious?" I asked faintly.

"Well, yeah! It's nice to apologize and all, but it's more sincere if you actually do or give something, too!"

Obviously, my response didn't deter Kuwabara's enthusiasm at all.

I shook my head. "I'm really not the romantic type, Kuwabara," I commented.

Suddenly I found his index finger being pointed at my face accusingly. "I know that, Urameshi! But this is a relationship—meaning _two_ people. You can't just think about yourself anymore," he stated firmly.

I was about to respond when I found myself going over his words. Thinking about myself, huh? I stared at the wall thoughtfully. Maybe I was being selfish. God knows how much pain I made Keiko go through because of my _selfish_ needs. The funny thing was that I never even gave my actions a second thought. They seemed justified in my opinion. But that was _my_ opinion. Of course I'll be subjective to my own wants.

"So what would you suggest?"

My reply must have surprised Kuwabara because he looked ready to argue before realizing what I said. He then beamed at me.

"Um…maybe flowers? Or…candy? Or maybe you could have one of those singing cards delivered to him…"

I was appalled by his suggestions. All of them were the standard "romantic gimmicks" that I saw on TV. If I was to be romantic then I could at least do it in an original manner. My pride wouldn't settle for anything less.

"Thanks, Kuwabara. But I think I'll handle that one myself," I cut in before standing up to head out his room.

"What will you do?" he inquired.

I paused at his door and turned around halfway with a grin. "Damned if I know," I replied wryly. I was not the most imaginative person in the world—but hell knows I was about to throw in all my creative skills to make this work.

* * *

Three or four hours later found me standing at Kurama's doorstep. It took nearly all of my nerve to pull myself together to walk over to his house. Then when I finally reached his home, I walked around the block a few more times to clear my head before settling at his door, hand poised to knock.

Before I could even knock, though, the door was opened by Shiori.

I stared at her in surprise before recovering. "Uh—is K—Shuichi home?" I stuttered out. Good Lord, I was a mess.

Shiori smiled at me knowingly, and I couldn't help but find it somewhat perturbing. "Yusuke. Yes, he's home. In fact we were in the middle of a conversation," she said, widening the door. "Why don't you come in?"

I entered the house slowly, half expecting some trap to be set for me. But Shiori was human—and a very kind one at that. She wouldn't do anything like that. Yet her attitude was discomforting. It was like she could see straight through me. As she led me into the living room, I saw Kurama sitting on the couch, sipping tea. When he saw me, he stared at me with some shock.

"Yusuke?" he asked mildly.

"Yo," I replied weakly.

"Have a seat, Yusuke," directed Shiori as she situated herself beside Kurama.

Feeling extremely misplaced, I sat down across from them rigidly.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"No, thank you."

"Eat?"

"No thanks."

It was like watching a rerun of the Twilight Zone, only I was in it. Kurama and Shiori looked as composed as ever and I was about to scream out of pure frustration. It didn't help, of course, that I couldn't even read what Kurama was thinking. He was masking his emotions perfectly. And Shiori…well, unless she was always this calm and motherly, was scaring the living daylight out of me.

"Shuichi and I were talking this morning—and I discovered some interesting things," began Shiori suddenly.

I looked at her sharply.

"You're dating my son, are you not?" she prompted.

Out of all the possible things she could have said, I _did not_ expect this one. So I just gawked at her for a few seconds before finally registering her question.

"Yes," I said slowly. My attention was fixed on her entirely. Kurama could have been doing the square dance by himself in the background and I wouldn't have even flinched.

She smiled brightly at me. "Well, that's nice. I hope you're treating him well," she said.

"Yeah…I mean, of course," I replied, still confused.

"Shuichi—or Kurama, as you prefer—has told me quite a bit. I understand that you used to work together as a Reikai Tantei for…who was it again, dear?"

"Koenma," filled in Kurama calmly.

Shiori nodded. "Yes, Koenma. So what do you do now?" she continued.

I stared at the both of them in disbelief. Okay, first mental note: Shiori was interviewing me and probably seeing whether I was good enough for her son. Understandable. Second mental note: She knew about Koenma. And she knew that I was a Reikai Tantei. And she referred to Shuichi as Kurama. Actually, that was more like four notes. I blinked at her.

"We occasionally still do missions for Koenma. But now I'm mostly in school," I answered tonelessly, still trying to grasp the situation. My mouth was working on automatic mode while my brain tried to comprehend everything.

Shiori nodded curiously. "And what are you majoring in?" she asked.

"Programming," I replied.

"Oh? For computers?"

"For video games."

Shiori smiled at this. "That sounds interesting. Now I also understand that you used to be something of a…delinquent in your younger years?" she questioned, looking apologetic for using the term. "I think it's safe to say that you've reformed yourself, right?"

For a moment I was reminded of the old teachers I had—how they would look down on me derisively and claim I would never be able to do anything in life. But Shiori's attitude was different. She used the term "delinquent" but was willing to accept the fact that I had changed. I smiled slightly.

"Well, I can't say I've turned into a pure saint, but I've put aside my past. You don't need to worry about me breaking any big laws or anything like that," I replied with more confidence.

Shiori chuckled and I finally noticed Kurama. He was watching me with that critical eye of his—something that still managed to intimidate me to this day. You just don't know what in the world it is that's running through his head when he looks at you like that. I just knew that he was judging me—for better or for worse was the mystery.

"Oh, Shuichi. I'm glad you have such a charming friend," remarked Shiori to Kurama. She then looked at me again. "Yusuke, please take care of my son. I can trust you with this responsibility, right?"

"Sure thing," I replied a bit hesitantly.

Shiori nodded and then stood up. "Well, I'll leave you two alone now," she said as she picked up the tray carrying the tea and left the room.

For a while there was only silence where I was still trying to understand what had just happened. Kurama was sitting patiently with his legs crossed neatly. After a few more minutes of this, I finally stirred.

"Does she know?" I inquired.

"Yes," answered Kurama.

I crossed my arms and stared at him. "What was that all about?" I asked.

A ghost of a grin crossed Kurama's face. "She was evaluating you," he replied lightly.

"So did I pass?"

"You be the judge of that, Yusuke."

I chuckled and shook my head. "Man, I haven't been that nervous since the final exam I had to take in junior high to move onto the next grade," I remarked amusedly, feeling relieved and exhausted all at once.

"She took everything rather well—better than I would have imagined."

I looked at Kurama. "She's a tough lady," I complimented.

Kurama smiled. "Indeed," he agreed.

I played around with my shirt before taking in a deep breath. It was all or nothing now.

"I'm sorry."

Kurama looked genuinely surprised. "For what?" he asked in alarm.

I shrugged and played with a loose button in my pocket. "When I sort of…yelled at you that night with Ryu. I didn't mean to be so harsh in criticizing your relationship with Shiori. I was just saying my opinion but I didn't think about _how_ I was saying it," I explained humbly. God, this was so awkward. I never apologized—not even to Keiko—because I took it to my advantage that she would just forgive and forget. It seemed like I would have to change that view now.

Kurama didn't say anything for a long moment. He then broke into a smile—a truly gratified one that made me forget all about my reluctance in apologizing.

"You surprise me, Yusuke," he began, laughing lightly, "but all is forgiven."

I was suddenly back into hyper mode. I stood up and grabbed his hand. "Up! I have to make it up to you now," I announced.

Before Kurama could even say anything I dragged him out of his house and onto the streets. I continued holding onto his hand all the way throughout our trip before resting at my apartment building. There I grinned at him.

"Did you eat?" I asked.

"No," he replied. His tone was calm, but I could see that he was curious as well.

I led him to my apartment and unlocked the door. "Good," I said before pushing him in.

The apartment looked the same—only I had tidied it up a bit and moved a large, flat table to the middle of the living room. I also cleared out all of mom's magazines and drinks. Kurama looked at me with some confusion and I merely pushed him onto one of the pillows I managed to dig up from my closet. I was going for a more traditional Japanese look, but I couldn't help it if mom and I were modern freaks. But it was functional—even if it didn't look the part.

"I was thinking how I thoroughly managed to ruin our first date so I decided to make it up to you now," I said as I headed over to the kitchen. I put on a white apron and grinned wickedly at Kurama. "With a homemade meal of course."

Kurama regarded me with an expression of surprise and amusement. "Can you actually _cook_?" he inquired.

I placed a hand over my heart dramatically. "Kurama, you hurt me! I've had to live by myself for a majority of the time. _Trust_ my skills!" I exclaimed.

Soft laughter was issued from Kurama and that was all I needed to hear to know that maybe, just maybe, this selfless attitude Kuwabara was preaching about wouldn't be too bad of a task to take up.

* * *

TBC

Ah, the end is near.


	17. Separation Anxiety

* * *

**.Seventeen.**

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Huh?"

This was how Hiei and my conversation began a week later after I served up my culinary skills for Kurama. I was at home, watching some rerun of an old sitcom and the little youkai himself appeared before me like some kind of apparition. I had been in the middle of downing a can of soda and when he showed up, I nearly choked to death. And before I could even say anything, he asked me that question—as if appearing suddenly in people's houses without any warning whatsoever was normal for him.

Hiei eyed me darkly. "What do you think you're doing?" he repeated again.

If looks could kill. I wondered to myself if I had done anything to seriously make him mad—oh, yeah—having Kurama as my boyfriend. How could I forget?

"Um…watching an old show—before you decided to drop by. So how have you been, Hiei? You don't visit me often you know," I replied brightly as I looked innocently at him.

Hiei grunted and leaned against the wall beside the television. "Is this how you spend your days? How dull," he commented dryly.

I frowned deeply. "Hey, don't insult my way of life, Hiei. At least I'm happy, right?" I shot back.

Inside, I was nowhere near as cheerful and calm as I pretended to be. There were a whole bunch of questions running through my mind as I tried to figure out why Hiei was here. But I already knew the answer beforehand. In fact, I had been _expecting_ him to come by sooner or later. I just wished it had been later. I glanced at the calendar on the wall. It had been almost two months since that fateful day in the Reikai. My eyes widened slightly. Did that much time pass by already? I had actually managed to keep up this façade for two whole months? Bitterness gripped at my heart. Time passes by quickly—especially when you've been deluding yourself the entire way.

"Why are you with him?" inquired Hiei suddenly.

I looked at him in alarm. His gaze was inscrutable. "Gee, why is anyone in a relationship, Hiei? Because they like the person of course," I replied as naturally as I could.

Hiei's eyes darkened on me. "That doesn't tell me anything about you," he stated coldly.

I always knew Hiei was scary. And I always knew he was pretty damn incredible when it came to interrogation. But I never knew I would be facing him like this—with that impenetrable expression just waiting for me to slip up. I chuckled sadistically to myself. I was a glutton for torture.

"I'm with him…because I like it."

"Seems like a rather weak reason considering you've been together for a while now."

"Why am I even explaining this to you?" I shot back, eyes flashing. I had to get back into this game quick before Hiei completely ran me over. "This has nothing to do with you. Unless you're mad that Kurama's with me instead of you?"

God, that sounded horrible even in my own ears. A blank look slated across Hiei's face and I could only cringe inwardly. Well, Urameshi, you always did know when to take it a whole new level. And I had to confront Hiei eventually—make him realize what a mistake it was to let Kurama go. Maybe spelling it out in front of him would do something. Maybe then I would then be freed of this burden. Maybe then I could move on with my damn life. Maybe then I could just watch as Hiei and Kurama lived happily ever after as I resumed my jumping sprees over the Makai.

"If what you're saying is true, then I have everything to do with this, detective," Hiei said blandly. "What do you get out of being with him—really. You never showed any signs of interest before."

That was true. Before Kurama came up to me I always considered him a close friend. It was only afterwards did I get any real emotions out of the situation. I didn't expect Hiei to notice this, though. But I guess all that scouting around he's so good at does come in handy.

"It was an unexpected chance and I took it. And I've discovered a lot of things about myself _and_ Kurama along the way that I would never take back," I replied before grinning somewhat amusedly at Hiei. "Can I really expect you to know what I'm talking about? I've never even heard of you with a partner of any sorts."

Hiei's gaze softened slightly. "I haven't had many—and they're all dead now," he replied before looking at me more severely. "I don't know what that fox was thinking when he chose you."

Well, he really wants you, Hiei. I kept that to myself, though, as I shrugged and leaned back on the couch lazily. "Me neither," I replied truthfully.

Out of all the possible candidates, he chose me. Okay, so Kuwabara was automatically out of the picture, but he could have used Botan…eh, no, I guess maybe not considering she already bore her own not-so-secret crush on Kurama. All right so maybe I was the best candidate. But Botan would have went along with it. She only liked Kurama because he was "the finest specimen of the male species" she had ever encountered. But then again seeing them two was just…disturbing. They were even more incompatible than Kurama and me.

"Do you think you deserve him?"

"No."

The answer came out easily—I didn't even need to think about it. That question had been on my mind early on in the game. I no longer needed to contemplate it any further. I looked at Hiei and saw that he was mildly surprised—which, of course, meant that he was stunned. I smiled ruefully.

"I think he can do a lot better than me," I wondered aloud. "But if he wants to stay with me then I have no choice."

"Then why are you in this relationship?"

There was an icy fury in Hiei's tone. I didn't need to look at him to know that there was anger in his eyes. And I guess I couldn't blame him. He wanted Kurama. But Kurama was supposedly with me now—and I just made it sound like I wasn't even giving it my all in our relationship. To Hiei that was even worse than losing Kurama. He could handle not having Kurama, but he couldn't handle him not being taken care of properly. And I'm not even one to speak about taking care of people or noticing their pain. But being with Kurama was different from being with Keiko. I didn't want to lose this feeling—and I didn't want to _have_ to lose this feeling. That was why pretending was so goddamn _hard_ for me.

"He's a cool guy," I replied quietly.

Hiei snorted derisively and uncrossed his arms to have them rest at his sides tensely. "Pathetic, Urameshi. I would have expected better from you," he accused dryly.

I stared at him curiously. There was just something not right about this picture… Hiei's posture… It seemed almost like… But I ignored those nagging thoughts.

"Do you love him?"

"Whoa, there. Love?"

I was definitely caught off guard this time. I mean this was _Hiei_ talking about _love_. You just can't combine these two words together every day you know. I blinked several times to regain my composure before shaking my head, chuckling softly.

"It's only been two months, Hiei," I replied. Love. Did I love him? Did my feelings really run that deeply for Kurama? What a question, Hiei, what a question.

"Then do you think you have the capacity to love him?"

"Hiei, I have the capacity to love anyone if they manage to worm their way deep enough. Heck, I could probably love Sensui—if he got rid of the rest of those annoying personalities he had."

Hiei's eyes darkened. "The way you talk is as if you're afraid of something," he stated.

I looked at him sharply. "Is this about me or Kurama, Hiei?" I demanded harshly.

"If being with Kurama is making you so miserable then why don't you break it off?"

"I'm not miserable!"

Ah, sweet denial. I almost laughed at my own words. It was only half the truth really. Half the time I was miserable and the other half I was plain peachy. But Hiei's words really threw me in for a loop. How could he of all people tell me that _I'm_ miserable when he's the one who couldn't even admit his feelings for the one he loved? I think he should have been the more miserable one. But maybe youkai think differently on that issue. Who knows. I may have had youkai blood running through me but that didn't mean I thought and acted like one. But then again Hiei was a little different from most youkai as well.

"You think you don't deserve him, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Then I challenge you right now."

"Eh?"

Bewilderment was an understatement to what I was feeling. And when Hiei drew out his katana I only grew more alarmed. "Wait, wait…what? Challenge me to a…fight?" I inquired dazedly.

Hiei only gestured to the window. "Outside. Now. Follow me," were the short commands he issued before flying out my apartment.

I bit my lip in confusion. Hiei really did have no patience. And I thought I was the one known for thinking with his fist rather than his brain. I leaned back in the couch for a second, contemplating the entire thing. I had the strangest feeling that somehow I got manipulated into this. I mean…even if I did fight with Hiei what the heck would that accomplish? Unless this was some sort of youkai tradition. You know, they really ought to offer classes in demon behavior or something.

Sighing, I stood up and followed after Hiei through the door. Well, if it was a fight he wanted then he would get one. Besides, I could never really say no to an all out brawl—especially when issued by Hiei.

Tracking down the smaller youkai was no problem. When I finally caught up, I found Hiei standing in the middle of a very empty park. I looked around curiously. "What did you do, scare off everyone with your katana?" I inquired.

"No talk," he replied tightly before flying at me alarmingly.

"O-oi!"

I grunted as I barely blocked his attack. Hiei's eyes narrowed at me as he applied more pressure. I smiled for a second before pushing him away abruptly, shifting to a more defensive stance. "Why are we fighting anyway?" I asked.

Hiei straightened for a moment, regarding me carefully. "For Kurama," he answered shortly.

"Uh…don't you think that's a little…medieval?"

Try as I might I just couldn't grasp onto Hiei's reasoning. I knew he was a little crazy sometimes, but this was insane. Who actually _fought_ for the person they loved? Well, in this sense at least. It was like a duel basically—or a sick parody of a duel between two youkai. I stared at Hiei to see if he was serious. And surprise, surprise, he was. I shook my head.

"This is ridiculous, Hiei."

His eyes darkened ominously. "So your entire escapade with Kurama is ridiculous as well?" he shot back.

"Wait a minute, Hiei. What the hell does that have to do with _this_?" I demanded sharply.

"This fight is to measure _your_ seriousness, Urameshi. And it's only a fight. If you can't take this seriously, then what right do you have to be with Kurama?"

What right do I have to be with Kurama? But before I could think about it any further, Hiei attacked once again. He swiped his katana low and I wasn't so lucky in blocking this time round. The edge of his sword nicked my forearm, resulting in a fairly shallow but long cut. I hissed in surprise before my body began to move automatically, countering Hiei's attacks while my mind was off somewhere else.

"If you lose…then that means you're not serious."

"What right do you have to say that?"

Suddenly I was on fire again. Who died and made Hiei in charge anyway? I still wasn't sure what the hell he was going on about the whole losing and deserving to be with Kurama—but I sure as hell wasn't going to lose this fight. It wasn't in me to let go that easily. So I attacked and attacked and attacked again. When I fought, nothing got in my way. The only thoughts I have running through my head are ones of defeating the opponent. Nothing more, nothing less—which, if course, is why I was also very prone to making some stupid moves.

Hiei slashed his way at me. I dodged and reacted with my own assault. The one advantage Hiei had over me was his experience and speed—both of which I could only dream of having. But I had my own specialties—a hell of a lot of destructive power and my unpredictable personality. That and sheer luck. My first fight with Hiei had been all about that. But now I possessed the ability to defeat him with my own strength. And I would.

"I'm not going to lose to you, Hiei!" I shouted out as I flipped over him.

A ghost of a smirk painted his face. "All talk and no action," he retorted as he swung at me again.

This time I didn't move to dodge or block and only stood my place. Hiei narrowed his eyes but continued with his attack. I grinned inwardly. Typical Hiei—he was never one to let down his guard. When his sword came dangerously close to striking my stomach, I shifted and quickly charged up my Rei-Gun, firing it at him as he came forward. It was weakly charged of course. I wasn't going to _kill_ the little guy.

But it was still enough to knock him down to the ground and I quickly picked up his sword lying in the distance and pointed it downwards at him. "Your loss," I stated calmly.

And before he could say anything I tossed the sword down at him and fled the scene altogether. There was something about the fight that put me on edge. And I didn't want to stick around to listen to anything more Hiei had to say. My mind was slowly coming to a resolution—a decision I had been fearing to make since I first realized I had any feelings for Kurama besides camaraderie.

I had wasted too much time pitying myself. There was nothing else I could do now to stop the inevitable. Besides…that fight with Hiei really proved to me that he was serious about Kurama—and that he would indeed fight to the death for him. I looked up at the sky as I walked. It was blue and cloudless. I guess I could take that as something of a hint that what I was doing was right. I sighed. So much for the masquerade. It was fun while it lasted, though. With that thought in mind I began to smile.

"I never thought I would be the one doing the breaking up," I muttered to myself as I headed towards Kurama's house.

I had to do it this time, though. No more excuses, Urameshi. It's do or die. Every second spent with me was one wasted being with Hiei—and they were so much better suited than Kurama and me. I mean…I'm still not even sure what I feel for him. It's strong—but not quite as strong as the feelings I had for Keiko. But then again, my feelings for Keiko weren't quite as centered and focused. They were random and at times I felt like I could very much hate her as well as love her. Kurama was constant. There was no up or down. Scary thought. But I knew I still had a chance of letting go if I broke it off with Kurama _right now_.

"What are you going to do?"

"So you take to stalking after those opponents who beat you now, eh, Hiei?"

I could practically feel his glare down my back. "You're in Kurama's neighborhood," he stated as a matter-of-factly.

"Correct!"

"Are you…?"

"I should think you'd be happy, Hiei."

Suddenly I was face-to-face with him again, and this time his gaze was fuming. "You're seriously thinking of leaving him?" he demanded.

I looked at him casually. "I don't deserve him, right? Your words did make a lot of sense, Hiei. I'm not serious enough about this relationship. Kurama deserves better—and he'll get it too…through you," I said slowly, turning my eyes elsewhere besides Hiei's face. I didn't want to see his reaction. I knew what it would be.

"He cares for _you,_ Urameshi. Not me. Never me. My fight with you was just to ensure his well-being in your care—to make _you_ realize how serious Kurama was."

At this I finally turned back to face Hiei with what I imagined to be a sad smile on my face, though I tried desperately to make it as whimsical as I could. "Ah, but that's where you're wrong, my little friend. It was never for me. I only agreed to it. But I'm sure you'll find out everything soon—after I go to Kurama's house—which, might I add, you _cannot_ follow me into," I said, my eyes narrowing.

Hiei stared at me for a moment—expressionless. Then he disappeared before my sight and I could feel his youki slowly move away into the distance. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back towards the sky. "Life sucks," I murmured before continuing to walk. I wondered if Hiei already deciphered my words. He was a smart youkai after all. He should really feel flattered—that Kurama would do all this for him. And I suppose Kurama should feel slightly flattered as well—with the fact that I stuck by him for two months. He probably knows how I feel for him by now. He's clever. I'm oblivious as a doornail. He _should_ know.

By the time I was at Kurama's porch step, I was thoroughly determined to get this over with. And as I was prepping myself to knock on the door, it magically opened by itself and I was left to face Kurama as he was walking out of his house. A startled expression crossed his face before he smiled at me warmly.

"Yusuke. What brings you here?"

I managed to smile back just slightly before gesturing inside. "Busy? Let's talk," I said, not even giving Kurama a chance to answer before I rushed in.

Kurama followed me with a puzzled look. "Is something wrong?" he inquired with a hint of concern in his tone.

I always thought of him as a mystery. Untouchable—even more so than Hiei because he hid behind that polite mask that seemed to absorb everything yet let nothing out. But now I knew he wasn't. Two months gives you a lot of perception on a guy—especially if you're hanging out with just him that entire time. Kurama wasn't as cold as he allowed everyone to believe he was. His emotions were caught only if you paid attention. The slightest hand gesture or sidelong glance represented a thousand feelings with Kurama—and I had learned to read every single one of them without even having to pay constant attention to him. The mystery was solved. I gave an amused chuckle to myself.

"We got to end this," I stated simply.

Amazing how easily those words slipped out my mouth. It took all of my willpower to gather what nerve I had to even _think_ of saying those words. And just like that—in one second—they were out without a single moment's hesitation.

There was that flicker of surprise in Kurama's face again before it was smoothed over to neutrality—replaced by a blank mask. I thought to myself, well, it seemed like Youko had come out now. That side of him was still the only missing part of the puzzle known as Kurama that I would never figure out. All I knew was that whenever that cold, placid look came into his eyes, I was facing off with Youko now.

"That was very abrupt," he commented.

I shrugged and grinned. "I'm a spontaneous guy—you know that. And besides…," I ran off as I glanced at the pictures hanging in the background before returning my attention back to Kurama, "I had a little scuffle with Hiei. He's very committed to you. Even though he believed I didn't deserve you…he made sure to point out to me that I would have to take care of you because _you_, at least, deserved that much and because it was _me_—not him—that you wanted. I never thought I would see the little guy so riled up."

Kurama's eyes softened. "Did he really say that?" he asked quietly.

I stared at him dead in the eye. "Absolutely," I said. "You guys are good for each other you know. Every youkai in the Makai would be afraid to go up against you guys that's for sure! Angering the other mate…what a dangerous idea."

"And you?"

I raised my eyebrow. "What about me?" I asked.

"What will you do now? I know I've taken up a lot of your time. I'm sorry…really. Even I didn't expect all of this to happen. I hope this doesn't…ruin our relationship," he explained, looking apologetic.

A real smile made its way onto my face then. "Nah, that could never happen. And I agreed to it, right? And no one's hurt so where's the harm?" I replied.

For a moment it appeared as if Kurama was about to say something else before he slowly smiled at me. He leaned forward and took my hands into his. "Thank you, Yusuke," he said earnestly.

Red started to fill my cheeks before I pulled my hands away nervously. "Sure thing, Kurama!" I said a little too loudly. God…and I had actually shared a _kiss_ with him?

"But you never answered my question. What will you do?"

"Eh…continue school of course. Mom would have my neck if I don't…and…uh…do some more hopping around the Makai I guess. There's so much to explore after all. And I know I'm in for a good adventure or two if I'm going to be with Chuu, Jin, and the others," I answered. I used to look forward to those days. I was alone and free—with no strong attachments to hold me back. But now I was unsure. To me…this was the only option I had if I wanted to forget about Kurama and this…utterly unbeneficial relationship.

I was isolating myself from emotions—something I never thought I would do. But not all emotions…just that one painful, double-edged sword called love.

"You thinking of settling down any time soon?"

I rolled my eyes. "Please, Kurama. After this? It's likely I'll _never_ settle down," I replied, stretching my arms out at the back of my head before folding them over. I glanced at the clock and promptly stood up. "I'd better get going now."

He stood up as well and led me to the door. "Do you want anything to eat or drink before you leave?" he asked.

I chuckled. "Still the gentleman," I commented.

Kurama smiled. "Habit, I suppose," he retorted.

I shook my head and waved my hand. "No, I'm good," I said as walked out the doorway. I was about a meter away from his house before I looked back. "It was fun, huh?"

"You'll make a great partner, Yusuke. I know it," he replied, a serene smile on his face.

He looked so calm—so…happy. Well, I guess he should have been considering now the farce was over. It still pained me, though. I could only bark out a laugh at him.

"_Me_? You're insane, Kurama."

And then I walked away. I didn't look or even listen to hear if Kurama had made any reply. I only walked—running away forever from that which could have provided me with the most happiness, yet at the same time causing me the greatest pain of all. And I would never look back.

* * *

TBC

Apologies for the long delay—I sort of hit a dead end in my writing for a while. School was being very stressful towards the end of the year and now I'm working so that's even less time for writing. But, yeah, I'm glad I finally got this part out. It's been haunting me for a while. XD And one more chapter to go! And then an epilogue. Yes, indeed, we're almost done! Thanks for sticking by me for so long. I love you all dearly. Now let's see this through _finally_. Next part starts off where the first chapter left off before Yusuke began his telling of the story. At the party…in the garden…hopefully, that rings a bell. XD


	18. The Imperfect Ending

Yeah, much faster this round, right? Well…this is how the story goes. Epilogue will come shortly. This is a very emotional chapter. Don't…er…kill me?

* * *

**.Eighteen.**

So now I was back here again…at the party. Celebrating New Year's Eve at Genkai's temple. It was Kuwabara would planned the entire thing but it was at her place we would do it. Shizuru had disallowed any more parties to occur at their home after Kuwabara's birthday bash. She said we were too wild. And if it was New Year's Eve then we most certainly had to do it somewhere else. It was a miracle we even managed to convince Genkai to have us. Old age must have been making her soft.

I had forgotten Genkai kept a greenhouse at the back, though. The temperature in here was warm and mild—like spring. But it wouldn't be spring for another four months. I leaned back in the bench and looked away from the rose that held my attention for so long. Sitting here by myself on New Year's Eve—reminiscing of all things. What has happened to the old Urameshi indeed. I fingered a button on my shirt and looked up at the glass ceiling. It had started to snow. A small smile made its way onto my face. It was beautiful here.

"Yusuke?"

Blinking, I turned my head and saw Keiko standing at the greenhouse's entrance. I smiled and waved her over in my direction. She walked towards me and I could see the glitter of melting snowflakes on her hair and clothes as she sat down beside me.

"What's up?" I greeted.

She looked at me with a smile and I could just see the worry in her eyes. "Are you…all right? You've been kind of distant the entire time," she asked.

I shrugged. "Just not in the party mood I guess. I never really celebrated New Year's like this. I always just sat at home and watched the night sky alone," I said.

Keiko threw me an amused smile. "Somehow I can't imagine you doing that," she pointed out jokingly.

I pretended to be hurt. "I'm not that incapable of being serious!" I exclaimed.

She laughed for a moment before settling her gaze on the same rose I had been staring at for the past hour. "What happened between you and him?" she finally prompted—slowly, carefully.

It had been two weeks since our fateful breakup. And during that time I had been plagued by nonstop questions from Kuwabara and Botan on what in the world had happened. Both were convinced that we were indeed a mismatched couple, Kurama and I, but a workable one anyway. So they were stunned when I told them we were off. Keiko had been more subtle about her surprise and had left me alone for the entire time. But I knew now that she wouldn't let me escape her this time.

"I guess…it just didn't work out. Our emotions and interests just moved on to something else we couldn't share," I said after a long pause. I couldn't tell her the truth. No, that was between Kurama, Hiei, and I. No one else would have to know.

Keiko frowned. "But Yusuke…I didn't get to see you guys that often but I remember at Kuwabara's birthday party—even though I was a _bit_ tipsy—you guys just looked…_right_," she said, looking at me seriously.

I smiled at the memory of the party. "I think that was the height of our relationship," I commented idly.

I had originally suggested that we end it there. But Kurama was still unsure of Hiei's feelings—would he fight for him? I laughed derisively to myself. Yeah, he sure would, Kurama. In fact, he fought with his own teammate for you. I narrowed my eyes when I remembered seeing those two together in the room where I left them. They were probably professing their love to one another now.

"I think you're hiding something from me," came Keiko's voice.

Glancing at her I could spot the annoyance in her eyes and that tone of hers brought me back to our childhood years where I would be trying to hide something from her but somehow she always knew and would pry it out of me. Of course now, though…now she could no longer do that to me. We had far outgrown our childish tendencies and she knew when to let an issue go.

"Maybe I am. But it's for me to hide," I replied nonchalantly before grinning at her. "But let's forget this for now. It's New Year's Eve! We have to party!"

I grabbed her hand and dragged her off the bench and into the snowy world outside. I had forgotten to bring my coat and was struck by the coldness in the air. But the sight was stunning. Genkai's temple was in an isolated region and when the snow fell—nothing obscured its beauty. I stood still for a moment, just staring at the trees and the dark silhouettes of the mountains in the horizon. The sky was cloudy grey but the snow made everything glow with a sparkle of light that shone like diamonds on anything it touched.

I found peace in this moment—a peace I hadn't experienced since my whole ordeal began with Kurama. I forgot about Keiko and everything else. Just letting it slip away from me like the way the snow fell from the sky so effortlessly. If only I could be so carefree, though.

"Yusuke, you're going to freeze to death!"

Keiko's voice drove me out of my reverie and I turned around to see her standing at the doorway to the temple, wrapping her coat around her body more tightly. "Come on in!" she shouted.

I smiled softly. "I'm fine, Keiko. Really. Just let me stand here for a bit," I called back.

She stared at me in surprise and though I half expected her to start chastising me about my health, she didn't. She only nodded and smiled at me before slipping back into the warm, music-filled temple.

I was anywhere but cold. The Makai had its various landscapes and being exposed to them had made me immune to a lot of different types of weather. I tilted my head back and stuck out my tongue to catch some of those small water droplets. I chuckled to myself for a while. It seemed I had found my second childhood. The snow fell strong and heavily, but slowly and peacefully. It had only started about half an hour ago and already there was at least two inches covering the ground. I placed my hands in my pockets and began walking away from Genkai's temple.

"_This entire area belongs to me."_

"_We're on top of a mountain, you oaf. Don't think anyone can hear you even if you scream out your lungs."_

"_I've only traveled some distance around my temple. But I do know of a secluded cliff on the other side of this temple. It overlooks the entire city. It can be quite the sight."_

Suddenly those words of a time long past filled my mind. I remembered now. Genkai had spoken of that area a few times. She always intended to show it to us but something always sidetracked us. Well…maybe it was time for me to do my own investigation then. I smiled to myself and clapped my hands together before I started running—running through the steady storm of soft, white flakes.

Absentmindedly, I wondered if I should have told anyone where I was going. Keiko would probably grow worried. But then again her boyfriend was with her. He was a nice guy. Hiro, his name was. He was kind of shy but definitely had a sense of humor. He cracked all of us up. I knew when Keiko was holding his hand and looking at him with those laughing eyes that he was good for her. I sighed to myself. Everyone seemed to be hooking up. Keiko and Hiro. Kuwabara and Yukina. Hiei and Kurama…

I shook my head to clear that image.

"Let's not get too distracted, Urameshi," I muttered to myself.

I slowed my pace down to a silent walk and looked behind me. My tracks had been completely refilled by the snow. I bit my lip nervously for a moment. Well, if they really needed to find me they could always track down my youki. I shrugged and continued walking, embracing the darkness. There was no light around Genkai's temple but the grey sky and glittering snow provided all the light I would need. It was always brighter when it snowed for some reason. Almost blindingly so.

I had steadily ignored Kurama since last week. He probably thought I was mad with him. In reality, I just needed some time to myself. I mean…everything was done. He had accomplished his goal and I needed to erase him from myself. And seeing him every day wouldn't help that process. But that plan had backfired on me. I found myself thinking more about him than ever before. What was that proverb? Distance makes the heart grow fonder? Well, it couldn't be any more true in my case. Damn that kitsune. And damn myself for ever agreeing! If I could only change the past…

But I'm not a god am I?

No, I'm just a mere human with youkai blood running through his veins. Sometimes, though…sometimes, when I think back on the past two months, I can almost count the times in which Kurama looked at me with some sort of foreign emotion. And then there were times where his actions seemed truly genuine—as if it was not a show, but _real_. I shook my head again. There goes that wishful thinking again. I cursed under my breath. I didn't used to be this pathetic.

"Fuck!"

I suddenly found myself lying facedown in the snow after tripping over an upturned root as I passed by a tall bare tree. I lifted my head and wiped away my face irritably. I was cursed.

Then I caught sight of the scene before me—

And decided maybe I wasn't.

I was standing in front of a world of snowy paradise. I came from the city—but to _see_ the city like this…in this completely mind bottling scale was something else altogether. From on top of this mountain all the lights glimmered like small stars in the distance and with the snow falling steadily upon the shining paradise, it made it seem even more surreal. I gazed hard at the scene as if it was something that would vanish in the blink of an eye—or worse, that it was a hallucination caused by my fall to Shizuru's spiked juice.

But Yusuke, you're the utterly tolerable drinker aren't you?

Oh, right.

I sighed deeply and cocked my head to the side as I walked to the edge. It was dangerous, but nothing that could _kill_ me if I fell. I survived through a lot more than to just die falling down a mountain. It was almost comical to even think about it. The infamous Urameshi Yusuke meets his fall at the bottom of a snowy mountain cliff! The culprit? Why, his own stupidity for even walking so far! I snickered at the idea.

A light beeping sound snapped me out of my reverie and I glanced at my watch to see that it was currently half past eleven. Only another half hour to go before we rang in the new year. I stared at the snow some more. Ah, Urameshi, you're just moping now. You brought this upon yourself—now get yourself out of it. I frowned. If only it was that easy. I almost wish I could be mad at Kurama—for going up to me that day, for convincing me to play the act, and for totally ruining my plans on being the "free-spirited Urameshi Yusuke" that I had so painstakingly come up with. I wanted to be mad at him for making me _care _again.

But the only direction I could point my anger in was at myself.

"Fuck you!" I shouted at the top of my lungs to the entire snowy world around me. "You're so goddamn weak! This is all your fault—you got that? I HATE YOU!"

You, you, you…me, me, me. After that little outburst I collapsed to the ground and panted lightly from the exertion of screaming one's head off. That felt…satisfying. At this I couldn't help but start laughing to myself. What a fool I must look right now…

Or else an insane psychopath—which isn't too far from the truth I suppose.

Standing up again I curled my fists to my side and gathered all the air into my chest to let out one final message into the night.

"LOVE STINGS LIKE A FUCKING BEE!"

What words of advice to give, Urameshi. They should write a book on your philosophy. I leaned back and fell into the snow. With a soft plop I felt the immediate cold biting down my back and began moving my arms and legs in a lazy attempt at a snow angel.

"You seem to be having fun."

Snapping upright I turned around to see—shock of all shocks—Kurama watching me like I was some kind of spectacle. Then again…I guess I was. I stood up very slowly as to not screw up my immaculate snow angel before facing him warily.

"What's up?"

"Keiko was worried."

"She's always worried."

"She suggested one of us go look for you."

"And you got picked for the job."

"I volunteered."

"Oh…that's nice of you."

A one-sentenced conversation with Kurama—it was like we were back to the beginning when we were still unsure of the other's motive. I shrugged carelessly and gestured to my back. "Nice view, right?" I inquired.

For a moment Kurama's gaze fell away from my face to scope out the scenery behind me. A look of surprise and awe filled his eyes. I grinned.

"So this is what distracted you," he commented idly.

"Yeah, I guess."

Suddenly…

"You didn't by any chance…hear any random screaming before did you?"

Kurama suddenly looked at me again. His voice was carefully neutral but I could see the mirth in his eyes. "No, I can't say I did," he replied.

I scowled at him. "Liar," I shot back immediately. He blinked twice at me as if stung by my words. I stared at him placidly. "You can go back you know. I'm safe and sound. You can tell Keiko to stop worrying her ass off—and say that to her in those exact words."

I tried to keep the bitterness out my voice but somehow I think some of it slipped through as I watched Kurama look away for a second at my words.

"I don't want us to be at odds, Yusuke."

"We're not at _fucking_ odds with each other."

Okay, so I was failing at hiding my sourness. Oh well. I blinked at my harshness and waved my hand before Kurama could say anything else. "All right, all right, so maybe we are at odds," I admitted finally, turning around to face the city landscape.

"I'm sorry. I know I put you through a lot these past two months."

"Stop apologizing already. It's getting on my nerves. And besides…it's not like I didn't know the risks."

What the hell are you saying?I blinked in surprise. What _did _I just say? And catching that bewildered expression on Kurama's face, I knew I completely blew it. Way to go, Urameshi. Just pour some more salt on your wounds, will you? I cringed.

"Uh…I mean…well…"

"Yusuke…I'm so sorry."

Oh, that was relieving. Really. All I needed now was to see that look of sympathy I knew Kurama was directing towards me. I turned away and tightened my fists. "It's not your fault, Kurama. I'm the one who fell for you—despite knowing how you felt," I said dully.

I felt his hand on my shoulder and resisted the urge to look at him. This masochism was unbecoming.

"Yusuke…I'm not the person you think I am."

This time I looked at him. And I this time he was the one looking down. I narrowed my eyes at him. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Being with me…it would be dangerous."

I almost laughed. "You're telling _me_ that? Kurama, you know as well as everyone else, that _I_ practically invite danger with my arms wide open. And do you honestly think I can't defend myself or you?" I exclaimed.

Kurama eyed me darkly. "It's not my enemies that I worry about. It's me," he stated tonelessly.

"You mean your other self?"

He turned away from me and looked out over the edge to the starry wonderland below. "I'm not always so calm and collected. I do have a darker side. And I don't want you to get hurt by it."

I scoffed at him. "So you're telling me you would put Hiei at risk instead?" I demanded angrily.

What the hell was going on here? First, I was worried about never being able to face Kurama again and now I was lecturing him? What did it mean? And why was he revealing all of this now? Did this mean that maybe…he really did care about me? I gave a deprecating chuckle. Dare I dream?

"You're young, Yusuke. You have so much to live for. Both Hiei and I, though…we understand loneliness and despair. He knows my pain and I know his. You…you are a light that I cannot bear."

"Kurama…"

I didn't know what to say anymore. One look at his face was enough to tell me what he was feeling.

He smiled at me—a familiar, warm smile—that was tainted by sadness. "You are beautiful, Yusuke. And I won't risk marring your pure spirit—it was the very thing that drew me to you. But I can't hold onto you anymore. I was selfish. I used you so I could experience your glow for a short while…but I knew that I had to stop. So I told myself… Just one more time—let me see that happiness and purity that I had lost long ago—and then I will never go back. I lived in a dream during the time I was with you. I was happy. Hiei knew it and that was why he helped me. I think he believed you would be able to save me—at least that's what I assumed considering what he told you when the two of you fought. He didn't want to see me fall I suppose," he said slowly.

I was shaking. "What…the _fuck _are you talking about! Kurama, I _know_ you! You're not dark or lost—you're…you're you! And me…_pure_? What the hell are you thinking? I used to kill youkai—your people—as a living not long ago!" I shouted. I didn't know why I was shouting. Kurama was listening to me, I knew, but somehow…I felt that shouting was the only way to get my message across.

But Kurama kept smiling that damn smile of his—the one I knew he used when he didn't want to reveal anything. And I hated him for that.

"No, Yusuke. You'll never know the evils of this world as I do—and I won't let you."

"Goddamn you!"

In a maniacal impulse I grabbed Kurama and kissed him—releasing all of my fury, my inhibitions, my love, my despair. It was not soft and tender like the first one I shared with Kurama, but passionate and hard. He didn't resist me—but he didn't react either. I pulled away only far enough to look at him in the eye while my hands were placed on both sides of his head to keep his gaze solely on me.

"And I thought I was the masochist," I murmured.

He blinked slowly. "Your vision of us is nothing but a dream, Yusuke."

He then pulled away from me and started walking towards the edge of the cliff while I watched him take the rest of my heart with him. He stopped for a second and gave me a sidelong glance. Suddenly, I felt a breeze brush up by my side and looked down to see Hiei. His face was inscrutable as he looked at Kurama.

"It's time for you to wake up and see what the world is really like. I wish I could have done this without you being here but…I have no choice now."

My eyes widened in alarm and instinctively. I began to move before Hiei's hand wrapped around my wrist—preventing me from leaving my spot.

"Watch," he ordered tightly and I could see the distinct outlining of tears at the corners of his eyes as he spoke.

I shook my head in horror and looked at Kurama again. He smiled once more—a genuinely happy one—and took out a small vial from his pocket. I watched as he downed its contents in one gulp.

"Hiei…take care of him."

And without further smiles or words, he disappeared into the snowy abyss below.

* * *

TBC


	19. Intangible

My, my, such explosive reviews for the last chapter. In any case, hope you all don't kill me...again.

**

* * *

**

**.Epilogue.**

It was cold. Snow fell gently around him in a peaceful fashion and the landscape was barren—merely a field of white with a dozen or so willowy trees outlining the edge. Yusuke dug his hands deeper into his pockets for warmth as he gazed upon the lone tombstone standing amidst the desolate region. He had wanted to be buried here for some strange reason. It was so unlike his previous home—where life was at constant bloom—the lush greens and wildlife of the mysterious forest. But Yusuke obeyed his wishes. It was the least he could do. It required the aid of Hiei, naturally, since he himself was not as familiar with the Makai—and, as expected, the fiery youkai had found the perfect place. Hiei was never the type to fail once you gave him a mission.

Yusuke sighed deeply and gazed upwards at the sky. Today was December the thirty-first. It had already been one year. Strange, he never noticed how quickly the time passed. Last year's events seemed to be nothing more but a dream now. He smiled slightly to himself.

"Hope you're finally at peace."

"He is."

At the unexpected intrusion, Yusuke turned around quickly and saw the face of an old friend—and a current lover. He grinned and cocked his head to the side curiously. "How did you know I would be here?" he inquired.

Kurama walked up and placed a hand on Yusuke's shoulder. "Because of that sudden outburst you had this morning about him—a rather unanticipated outburst, too, if I may add," he replied.

The dark-haired man shrugged. "He looked so torn when he saw us together. He _loved_ you," he pointed out before noting the suspicious gleam in Kurama's eyes. "And it's not like I feel _guilty_," he added hurriedly. "I just feel…_pity_."

A light chuckle was sounded from the redhead. "Of course, Yusuke, of course. I'm sure Ryu would love being pitied by you."

"Hey, you know, I was _enjoying_ the moment before you came along and started making your annoying observations."

Kurama tilted his head to the side, studying Yusuke carefully. "What brought on that sudden outburst this morning anyway? You haven't mentioned Ryu at all this year and I was about to come to the conclusion that you had forgotten about him," he prompted.

"I had the strangest dream last night," answered Yusuke distractedly. He then looked at Kurama sharply. "It was like a rehash of everything that happened last year except…the events were seriously twisted."

"How so?" Kurama queried with a slight smile as he spotted the confusion in Yusuke's eyes.

"For one thing…I think you were using me to get Hiei!"

"I never figured you for the jealous type, Yusuke."

"I died again, too!"

"Trying to set a record are you?"

"Shut up! And then…I mean at first it seemed like you were doing it for Hiei was but then in the end it turned out you really cared for me and…you were really suicidal. Something about me being pure and untainted and how that was why you were attracted to me. But then you went on saying how you didn't want me to see the pain and darkness of your soul and jumped off a cliff after taking some weird medicine or drug."

"Untainted and pure? You? Those certainly are some admirable traits. I wasn't aware you possessed any of them," continued Kurama with an amused smile.

Yusuke glared heatedly at the redhead. "Stop with the sarcasm already, Kurama! That wasn't a pleasant dream. You killed yourself in the end because…well…I guess because you were too far lost to your inner pain…," he drawled off.

"You want me dead then?" quipped Kurama cheerily.

The dark-haired man turned around and grabbed the redhead by his shoulders. "I'm being serious here!" he cried out, a strange mixture of pain and fear in his eyes.

Taken back by his reaction, Kurama cupped Yusuke's face gingerly, all aspects of teasing gone from his gaze and tone. "It was just a dream. I'm here now and I'm not using you if that's what you inwardly fear. Hiei's as much a friend of yours as he is mine—nothing more. I am with _you_," he stated firmly, boring his eyes deep into Yusuke's own. He then smiled. "Besides, even I couldn't spend an entire year with someone for no special reason—especially considering the atrocious habits this certain 'someone' has."

The younger man sighed, failing to rise to the bait. "You would never…try to save me from…yourself?"

An arched eyebrow met his question. "Why should I do that? You already know me inside out. You're just going to have bear it out and grit your teeth," replied Kurama evenly.

Yusuke smiled. "I think in the dream…you told me to wake up and see the world as it was," he said.

Kurama gave a soft laughter. "Well, that's probably the first sensible thing I did in this dream of yours. _Do_ wake up, Yusuke. I'm not a dream—something that will disappear in a moment—I'm real and I'd rather not be compared to this depressing doppelganger your mind created," he replied, entwining their hands together as the snow swirled around them playfully.

"Well, that much is true. Why spend so much time thinking about an intangible dream while I have the real thing in front of me?"

"Exactly—and in any case, how did Ryu factor into this dream?"

Yusuke laughed. "Oh! Well, instead of being a former lover, he was a former _follower_ that you left for dead. So he came back for revenge by kidnapping Shiori. We got him in the end, though. But just seeing him again so vividly…it made me want to visit him today and I guess…wish him the best. He was miserable both in my dream _and_ in real life. The guy deserves some condolences."

Kurama squeezed his hand once while eyeing Yusuke. "This is a rather detailed dream. Ever think about writing it down?" he suggested.

A blank look slated across Yusuke's face before he suddenly burst into laughter. "What? I don't think so, pal. It's already still pretty damn clear in my head and I would prefer it to disappear like all my other dreams!" he exclaimed.

Kurama smiled slightly and the two continued on in silence until they reached the Ningenkai—where it was infinitely warmer than the Makai despite the temperatures being exactly the same. They walked through the crowded streets for a while—enjoying the other's company in silence—before Yusuke suddenly made a comment.

"I think I cooked for you in this dream."

"That's not a dream anymore, Yusuke. That's a fantasy."

* * *

FIN

Surprise, surprise? XD Like it or hate it, I'm still proud of it! And it seems by doing this I have therefore declared the rest of the story null and void. So basically, the entire story only served the purpose of torturing the hell out of you guys. But you know what? I like it this way. :D After all, I tortured myself by writing it. Wow...my first YYH fic is finally done. It took me over two years to finish this little "one-shot"—God, I'm a slow writer. XD It's been a great time, folks. You will never know how reading your reviews gave me the encouragement (and incentive) to continue. I'm glad I didn't lose interest in this story. I love you all and I hope to see you again sometime! Keep the Kurama and Yusuke love alive! XP Bye, bye for now...


End file.
